Some Schmo wrote:I'd install flat panel widescreens in all the churches and sacrament meeting would consist of showing whatever big game was on that week. The kitchens would all be used to prepare the snacks (wings, nachos, beer, etc). Alcohol would be declared "good for the belly."
And there would be no church in the off season.
too funny!
But I would also change the sabbath to friday night 5pm to saturday 5pm - so sundays are fine for the big games.
I'd make a civil wedding MANDATORY before a temple sealing, which could take place the very next day if desired.
I would strictly forbid whispering anything into anyone else's ear during Fast & Testimony meeting.
Similar to the above, I would strictly forbid more than one person being at the pulpit at any one time during Fast & Testimony meeting.
I would digitize all the documents in Vault F and put them on the Internet for all to see.
I'd sell off all for-profit businesses and divide the proceeds among the poor Saints in Africa, South America, etc.
I'd put the word out that tithing was going back to scriptural mandates only--tithe on your increase, i.e. after taxes, rent/mortgage, food, insurance, and clothing.
"Finally, for your rather strange idea that miracles are somehow linked to the amount of gay sexual gratification that is taking place would require that primitive Christianity was launched by gay sex, would it not?"
I'd probably have a stroke and be canonized amongst the Saints for not screwing up and not admitting that the Book of Mormon is false.
"Whatever appears to be against the Book of Mormon is going to be overturned at some time in the future. So we can be pretty open minded."-charity 3/7/07
I'd make a civil wedding MANDATORY before a temple sealing, which could take place the very next day if desired.
I would strictly forbid whispering anything into anyone else's ear during Fast & Testimony meeting.
Similar to the above, I would strictly forbid more than one person being at the pulpit at any one time during Fast & Testimony meeting.
I would digitize all the documents in Vault F and put them on the Internet for all to see.
I'd sell off all for-profit businesses and divide the proceeds among the poor Saints in Africa, South America, etc.
I'd put the word out that tithing was going back to scriptural mandates only--tithe on your increase, I.e. after taxes, rent/mortgage, food, insurance, and clothing.
1) Church services would be optional but so would premarital sex.
2) No more missions....stay home and make Mormons the true way...by getting married and having 12 kids.
3) I'd sell off all the for profit businesses to exmormons for pennies on the dollar and donate the proceeds toward public service announcements that the Book of Mormon isn't historically accurate.
4) I'd probably take the rest of the day off and go take a nap. Or go to Vegas...and then take a nap. Scratch that...Nap, hooker, Vegas, another hooker, another nap.
5) I'd buy all the apologists razors so they can shave those mustaches.....jeez are they jumping through hoops while pledging a fraternity or what? The uniformity of facial hair is a tad weird....
"Whatever appears to be against the Book of Mormon is going to be overturned at some time in the future. So we can be pretty open minded."-charity 3/7/07
Oh, I just thought of something else I'd do. I'd excommunicate all the apologists for their obvious apostasy.
I'd start with DCP, but not before generating a huge smear campaign behind his back gossiping about how he doesn't keep the WoW with all the donuts he eats and how he tends to not follow the prophet by making up new gospel and pretending it's real. I suppose I'd start with his SP.
God belief is for people who don't want to live life on the universe's terms.
I would wear a robe and carry a staff, like a real prophet. I don't know who started the suit and tie crap, but no serious prophet from the Bible wore that.
"We of this Church do not rely on any man-made statement concerning the nature of Deity. Our knowledge comes directly from the personal experience of Joseph Smith." - Gordon B. Hinckley
"It's wrong to criticize leaders of the Mormon Church even if the criticism is true." - Dallin H. Oaks
SatanWasSetUp wrote:I would wear a robe and carry a staff, like a real prophet. I don't know who started the suit and tie crap, but no serious prophet from the Bible wore that.
I will make a personal promise to you. If I'm ever an Apostle I will wear a robe and carry a staff during a session when I speak in General Conference.
"Surely he knows that DCP, The Nehor, Lamanite, and other key apologists..." -Scratch clarifying my status in apologetics "I admit it; I'm a petty, petty man." -Some Schmo
1) Church services would be optional but so would premarital sex.
2) No more missions....stay home and make Mormons the true way...by getting married and having 12 kids.
3) I'd sell off all the for profit businesses to exmormons for pennies on the dollar and donate the proceeds toward public service announcements that the Book of Mormon isn't historically accurate.
4) I'd probably take the rest of the day off and go take a nap. Or go to Vegas...and then take a nap. Scratch that...Nap, hooker, Vegas, another hooker, another nap.
5) I'd buy all the apologists razors so they can shave those mustaches.....jeez are they jumping through hoops while pledging a fraternity or what? The uniformity of facial hair is a tad weird....
I agree with stay at home - since the church is a world wide institution lets see if people would be willing to convert their neighbor. I agree with previously posted material that a lot of people are embarrassed about what they believe - I would also say that if you have not brought a non-member to church within the last six months you have to remain standing during sacrament meeting - which is saturday at 3:00 to 3:45.