Was Jesus "Sired" via Artificial Insemination?

[_Mister Scratch]

The MAD thread in question was mentioned on Dartagnan's "Paharon is an idiot" thread, but I think it is worth another glance. The thread in question, begun by David Waltz, was meant to address a James White blog posting in which White asserts that LDS scholars are embarrassed about the old doctrine that God had physical sex with Mary in order to create Jesus. Of course, TBMs have long been very uncomfortable with this idea, despite wanting very desperately to cling to the notion of Jesus being God's "literal son."

Anyways, it turns out that a new theory has been floated, which neatly dispenses with the troublesome issue of physical sex:

You haven't heard of artificial insemination? In vitro fertilization hasn't reached your neighborhood?

(Personally, I'm betting that God has an even better understanding of reproductive biology than my local fertility clinic does. But I'm just a wild and crazy guy. Maybe I'm way out there in left field, and we've completely caught up to the Divine Mind on this one.)

Um, wow... I am pretty amazed that apologetics, and Mormonism in general, is so crippled with rank Victorianism that DCP would prefer this artificial insemination theory to one which embraces more normative procreative methods. I mean, is this really preferable as an explanation? Does the Good Professor want us to assume that Heavenly Father scrubbed up and wielded a syringe full of his own Holy Seed prior to impregnating Mary? (Further, doesn't this suggest that HF had to have masturbated beforehand? Truly, the implications here are utterly staggering....)

[_Yoda]

Wow! Thank you for this bit of information from DCP, Scratch. I'm actually going to incorporate it to help prove a point on my polygamy thread in the Celestial Forum a little later.

;)

[_Bond...James Bond]

Does the Good Professor want us to assume that Heavenly Father scrubbed up and wielded a syringe full of his own Holy Seed prior to impregnating Mary? (Further, doesn't this suggest that HF had to have masturbated beforehand? Truly, the implications here are utterly staggering....)

You think HF would really deliver the goods? He's a busy guy...I'm betting he'd delegate distribution of his "little soldiers" to an Angel or a stork or something.

[_Mister Scratch]

Does the Good Professor want us to assume that Heavenly Father scrubbed up and wielded a syringe full of his own Holy Seed prior to impregnating Mary? (Further, doesn't this suggest that HF had to have masturbated beforehand? Truly, the implications here are utterly staggering....)

You think HF would really deliver the goods? He's a busy guy...I'm betting he'd delegate distribution of his "little soldiers" to an Angel or a stork or something.

Obviously, he is not so busy that he cannot---as DCP implied---spare the time to masturbate.

Really, the apologetic explanation for this so often seems like what parents tell their kids about Santa. E.g., when the child inquires into aspects of the Santa Myth which clearly contradict reality, the parent says, "Oh, well, Santa can use his magic to squeeze through the narrow chimney," or whatever else. Let's face reality here: if Jesus is the Literal Son of God, then the best explanation as to how this happened is: sex. Saying "Uh, we don't know, but God probably does!" Or this ridiculous nonsense about "in vitro fertilization" only makes matters worse, in my opinion, and only goes to demonstrate how screwed up Mormon notions of sexuality can be. (E.g., why is it preferable that HF would masturbate rather then engage in coitus w/ Mary? Why would DCP want to offer that up as an alternative?)

[_charity]

You guys and your dirty little minds are disgusting. You will have to answer to Heavenly Father on this. You should be more respectful about things you simply have not a hope of understanding.

[_Ray A]

Obviously, he is not so busy that he cannot---as DCP implied---spare the time to masturbate.

This is why I also question your reading ability. Where did DCP imply this? Here is the statement you quoted, with my emphasis added:

You haven't heard of artificial insemination? In vitro fertilization hasn't reached your neighborhood?

(Personally, I'm betting that God has an even better understanding of reproductive biology than my local fertility clinic does. But I'm just a wild and crazy guy. Maybe I'm way out there in left field, and we've completely caught up to the Divine Mind on this one.)

There was not even a hint of "masturbation".

[_Mister Scratch]

You guys and your dirty little minds are disgusting. You will have to answer to Heavenly Father on this. You should be more respectful about things you simply have not a hope of understanding.

Excuse me? *I* am not the one who suggested that HF employed the "turkey baster" method of conception. Take your gripe to Dr. Peterson, as he was the one who floated this theory in the first place. I'm sure Heavenly Father is real proud of DCP for suggesting such a ridiculous thing.

[_moksha]

Traditional Christianity has the Holy Spirit doing the deed. Has no one ever wondered about the mechanism involved here?

I remember getting dinged in a discussion at MAD before about mentioning Zeus and Leda.

[_Ray A]

Excuse me? *I* am not the one who suggested that HF employed the "turkey baster" method of conception.

Neither did DCP. You still don't get it.

[_Mister Scratch]

Obviously, he is not so busy that he cannot---as DCP implied---spare the time to masturbate.

This is why I also question your reading ability. Where did DCP imply this? Here is the statement you quoted, with my emphasis added:

You haven't heard of artificial insemination? In vitro fertilization hasn't reached your neighborhood?

(Personally, I'm betting that God has an even better understanding of reproductive biology than my local fertility clinic does. But I'm just a wild and crazy guy. Maybe I'm way out there in left field, and we've completely caught up to the Divine Mind on this one.)

There was not even a hint of "masturbation".

Hi, Ray. I went ahead and underlined the relevant portion of text. You *do* know how artificial insemination works, don't you? In context, it's clear that The Good Professor was trying primarily to pooh-pooh away the notion that HF had sexual intercourse w/ Mary. But I ask again: is the suggestion of artificial insemination, and everything attending such a procedure, really a preferable theory?