Raising a child as a Mormon the right way.

[_quaker]

There's a good article in this month's ensign that might offer a little perspective in your search.

And don't be too influenced by what others may label the type of parenting you do. Have some faith in whatever manner you think is best and be ready to make changes as you learn and grow. The best thing you can really do is be sincere when it comes to teaching your kids. You'll obvious be a big influence, and your kids will be willingly influenced if your teaching to them is sincere. But whatever you do, don't neglect guiding them or setting up boundaries because of the opinions of some weirdos on the internet.

[_Blixa]

Encourage reading. Of everything. Raise your child in a "culture of reading" where books are common sights, both parents read extensively and there is on-going discussion of reading. Take your child to the library and then let them go on their own. Value education. Put no restrictions on topics or interests. Make sure that your child reads and learns about history, art, science and philosophy. Encourage curiosity about other cultures and nationalities. In other words, make "the world" in all senses available to your child.

In large part, this IS what my parents did. But they were "inactives" who were educated, had lived abroad, and had a small family.

[_guy sajer]

I know, I said I was going to only post in the Celestial forum, but I do have a question I thought I would ask the group and see if we could have a serious and mature discusion without serious confinement.

First off, I know I have been a bit of an ass. There are reasons which I could go into, but lets reset for a second, because I think from the reactions I got from you folks, that I can ask this one question I really need answered. I need both sides to chime in, but there are reasons I want people critical of the church to comment.

One of the reasons I am likely going to move on from this board is now I do have a baby coming (our first) mixed in with some big projects for my business starting next week (which is why I have time on my hands now... I am waiting for the servers to arrive).....

(Also, we get to find out what the sex is on the 27th.)

I hope you can be nice cause I want a serious answer. How can I ensure that while I would LIKE this child to be Mormon, they had a choice like I did? Would going with them to other Churches help? Books?

I don't want to SHOVE Mormonism down the kid's throat. And I refuse to do the "testemony coaching" crap parents do. My wife and I have already accepted that if the kid choses another religion, we will support them in that. We will give them our concerns, but if that is their choice, then that is that.

I hope this thread goes well, because this is an honest concern I have....

And for you that are Ex-Mormons who grew up in the Church, please think of the things you would have liked your parents to have done.

Thanks,
JMS

Raising a child in theory is much, much different than raising him/her in practice. Many of the things you think you'll do, you won't, and many things you think you won't do, you will (for various reasons). But, you can try to follow some general principles, if they are important to you. In this case, here's what I'd suggest you try:

1. Do not raise the child in a fanatical, dogmatic way with regards to religion. Very important here, make Sunday fun, not a drudgery that it is for most kids (and adults) who suffer through 3 hours of repetitive boredom. Break the sabbath with regular frequency doing fun things as a family, going hiking, to the amusement park, to the movies, etc. You can do this and go to Church. Make it a real family day, not a family day where you go to church for 3 hours then sit around doing "sunday appropropriate" nothing or yelling at them for breaking the Sabbath. They'll associate Sunday with good memories, and it won't really affect their testimony one way or the other, if anything, for the better.

2. Raise the child to be non-judgmental and to be tolerate of those that are different. They'll get very different sorts of messagaes at Church. This is a very important way to help them see that they have choice. This means you'll need to dial down the rhetoric about gays.

3. Teach them the importance of using reason and evidence to assess claims. Avoid pounding in their heads that the "spirit" is the source of truth, which will, in the end, blunt their capacity for rational thinking. Teach them to be think for themselves, and make it clear that you'll love them whatever path they choose.

4. I see no problem going to other churches, as long as you make it a learning experience. I think this could be fun.

5. Don't haraunge them when they pass through growing up phases (e.g., likes to wear hair long, dress sloppily, etc.). Encourage them to be themselves but teach them there are boundaries not to cross in doing so (e.g., being cruel to others, taking drugs, etc.).

The important thing is that you're children are happy. NOT that they're Mormon. It's their life, give them good guidance when they're young, love them, teach them right from wrong (I prefer using broad moral principles, not religious ones), encourage them to think critically, encourage them to be themselves, provide for them opportunities to see different things and meet different people, and then when they get to be adults, cut the apron string and let them forge out their own path, while you stand ready to provide love, guidance, and assurance.

[_jskains]

Raising a child in theory is much, much different than raising him/her in practice.

Let me just say that fact is a big part of my mind. I am deathly afraid of screwing up and having the kid hate me for it... But I am skewed. My father was an adulterer and treated my mother and sister like crap... So my vision of a child/father relationship is warped.

JMS

[_Dr. Shades]

Oh, I think merely making church attendance optional will cover 99% of what you're trying to accomplish.

[_jskains]

Oh, I think merely making church attendance optional will cover 99% of what you're trying to accomplish.

Kinda hard for a small child of the wife and I go to church ourselves. Can't leave a toddler at home.

JMS

[_harmony]

The #1 thing I'd say is to make sure your children understand that you are their father, not the church. The church tends to usurp parental authority whenever they can (bishop's interviews, testimony bearing by children-although this has fallen out of favor-, expectations of baptism regardless of parent wishes, arbitrary dress standards, dating rules, teaching questionable doctrine, etc), so guard your parental authority well.

When I raised my kids, I was as Molly as they come, but I still refused to allow the church to overstep their authority into raising my kids instead of me doing it. We never did the testimony thing (I've always hated it), and my "discussions" with the bishop were legendary in my ward, when I thought he'd overstepped his authority and talked inappropriately to my teenagers. Some in my ward would say I failed as a mother, because only 4 of my 6 boys and neither of my girls served missions. I, on the other hand, consider that a triumph of sensible choices. It is not without consequences though. If you want your child to "fit in", to "be popular", to have his peers in the church look up to him/her, you have to toe the church's line (baptised at 8, ordinations, Scouts, Young Women of Excellence, seminary, BYU, mission). Any deviation from that and your child will be ostracized.

Good subject, Josh.

[_Dr. Shades]

Oh, I think merely making church attendance optional will cover 99% of what you're trying to accomplish.

Kinda hard for a small child of the wife and I go to church ourselves. Can't leave a toddler at home.

Good point. I guess this brings us to another, possibly unrelated question. . . at what age is it O.K. to leave a child at home unattended?

But the mere fact that you're having this conversation most likely means you'll raise your child Mormon the right way.

[_MishMagnet]

I'm not sure what you are trying to accomplish here. The Mormon church teaches that they are the only true church. Kids get this message from the cradle to the grave. Listen to the songs they sing in Primary. What are you trying to do here - take your child to a church that says they are the only true church and with parents that only believe in this church and then somehow give them the conflicting message that it might not be? It is or it isn't, right? The church made it that way, not people like you or me.

My kids do have a choice because they are being raised with no religion. I just tell them I have issues. They will have to find their own truth and I'll support them in whatever they decide. I've never spoken out against the LDS church or any other church in their presence. They are good children, kind children. Ethical behavior exists independently of any religion. You don't have to indoctrinate children into a certain religion for fear they will otherwise become serial killers. Although most people don't realize it (in my opinion) religion isn't the frayed knot keeping us from a life of hedonism.

[_Mercury]

There is no way to raise a child correctly in Mormonism. Children raised in Mormonism see the church as the real family, the child's parents are just a supporting role to them as the kids brains are cooked by mind numbingly ignorant forms of thinking.

Shades is correct. make church attendance non-mandatory. No child likes to go to church. Its antithetical to their need to have fun and enjoy life.