Men and Women: Mars and Venus.

[_Ray A]

I guess I am one of the lucky few. 24/7 since I retired. What is called in the Triangular Theory the consummate relaitonship. Passion, intimacy and commitment.

You can't manage that on weekends. Or without the committment of a long term relationship. 46 years and counting.

Charity (sincere question here), if your marriage wasn't based on mutual beliefs, do you think you'd be as 24/7 compatible with your husband? What if you found out that during those 46 years he occasionally sneaked a smoke, or drink, behind your back? Would you feel the same?

[_Ray A]

You can't manage that on weekends.

No personal digs, please Charity. Everyone is different.

[_Jersey Girl]

I hate to be difficult (not really). Define "soul mate".

A myth generated by the same people who originated the Leprechaun legend. Most marriages seem to be based on self-satisfaction. "We need food, money, sex, so let's roll together." "You use me, and I'll use you, for 'mutual' satisfaction." In this view, how is Gad's idea so radical? Couldn't partners become like useful "masturbation tools", to use a crude expression?

But what if you found someone who made you happy, beyond all this? So much that you'd enjoy just being with them even more than 50 consecutive orgasms? LOL.

Alrighty...gosh, where to start here...I don't think it's as simple as what you're expressing. Certainly there are couples who "use" eachother socially, financially, sexually etc.

What does that mean....someone who makes you happy beyond all of that--that you'd enjoy just being with them even more than 50 consecutive orgasms?

Okay, here it comes...read it or get out of the way. Your choice and don't say I didn't fire a warning shot over your head.

Enjoy being with them where? At the terminal when their plane is about to whisk them off to a war zone? How about when they open the door and you are the one to tell them that their best friend was killed hours earlier? Or how about being in bed when the phone rings at 3 a.m. to say their father died and when they say "What's wrong?" you have to be the one to tell them. How about being with them in the delivery room when your child is born? How about being in the hospital with them when the decision is made to remove life support from a parent? How about being with them when they've lost their job of 10 years because they got seriously screwed over? How about being with them when you're seeing them off for a year when you found out 2 weeks prior that, that your pregnant? How about being with them on the phone while you're following an ambulance transporting your kid?

Ray....marriage is more than 50+ orgasms and enjoying someone's company. In between the first meeting, the first kiss and the 30+ year anniversary is this little thing called a "life". A life that at times, hurls itself at you without so much consideration as a moments advance warning and that you have no control over except for your response to it.

I think if two people have the ability to "stand" in the face of what life hurls at them, thousands of miles apart or face to face, then they're doing alright for themselves and I don't think "soul mate" has alot to do with it. I think that shared interests are important but there has to be something far deeper in both parties to be able to roll with the punches long term.

There is something to be said for high mileage marriages, orgasms are just icing on the wedding cake.

Jersey Girl

[_Moniker]

I guess I am one of the lucky few. 24/7 since I retired. What is called in the Triangular Theory the consummate relaitonship. Passion, intimacy and commitment.

You can't manage that on weekends. Or without the committment of a long term relationship. 46 years and counting.

Congratulations on a wonderful marriage, Charity!

[_Ray A]

Ray....marriage is more than 50+ orgasms and enjoying someone's company. In between the first meeting, the first kiss and the 30+ year anniversary is this little thing called a "life". A life that at times, hurls itself at you without so much consideration as a moments advance warning and that you have no control over except for your response to it.

I think if two people have the ability to "stand" in the face of what life hurls at them, thousands of miles apart or face to face, then they're doing alright for themselves and I don't think "soul mate" has alot to do with it. I think that shared interests are important but there has to be something far deeper in both parties to be able to roll with the punches long term.

There is something to be said for high mileage marriages, orgasms are just icing on the wedding cake.

Jersey Girl

I agree, Jersey Girl. Work, work, work - at marriage, even if you're soulmates.

But what if you aren't? Isn't this like doing overtime for a boss you hate?

[_Jersey Girl]

Ray....marriage is more than 50+ orgasms and enjoying someone's company. In between the first meeting, the first kiss and the 30+ year anniversary is this little thing called a "life". A life that at times, hurls itself at you without so much consideration as a moments advance warning and that you have no control over except for your response to it.

I think if two people have the ability to "stand" in the face of what life hurls at them, thousands of miles apart or face to face, then they're doing alright for themselves and I don't think "soul mate" has alot to do with it. I think that shared interests are important but there has to be something far deeper in both parties to be able to roll with the punches long term.

There is something to be said for high mileage marriages, orgasms are just icing on the wedding cake.

Jersey Girl

I agree, Jersey Girl. Work, work, work - at marriage, even if you're soulmates.

But what if you aren't? Isn't this like doing overtime for a boss you hate?

Again, what on earth is a soul mate?

[_Moniker]

Perhaps, it's just me? But I hope I never find someone that wants to be with me 24/7, or I with them. I think a bit of alone time is just fine for a relationship. I mean, too much is rather stifling.

Each to his/her own, Mon. I feel the same way at the moment. But I'm 24/7 free of women. LOL. I find computer keyboards sexier, and I'm more interested in current walking stick design than "flings". Very sexy, I know.

That's why I'm wondering if anyone has found the "perfect soulmate".

I think I've seen a few who have. But it's nothing but a lottery draw.

Well, I'm not one to talk about relationships. Oh dear. It's rather depressing actually. Anyway, I don't want a fling either. There's nothing beneficial in it for me, at all. I don't want to fritter away my life with various men.

[_Ray A]

Again, what on earth is a soul mate?

Someone who makes work a pleasure. :)

[_charity]

I guess I am one of the lucky few. 24/7 since I retired. What is called in the Triangular Theory the consummate relaitonship. Passion, intimacy and commitment.

You can't manage that on weekends. Or without the committment of a long term relationship. 46 years and counting.

Charity (sincere question here), if your marriage wasn't based on mutual beliefs, do you think you'd be as 24/7 compatible with your husband? What if you found out that during those 46 years he occasionally sneaked a smoke, or drink, behind your back? Would you feel the same?

I'm sure that since we share the deepest and most profound parts of our beings, that is a very strong component of our compatibility. But this doesn't mean we have to be perfect. Neither one of us is. We have had things to work through. But you do and you get stronger.

If he had left the Church, I think I would have felt like it was the same kind of betrayal as infidelity would have been. If we could have stayed together after that (if he left the Church but wouldn't interfere wiht my beliefs or activity) I don't think it would ever have been the same. Half a love.

[_Ray A]

I'm sure that since we share the deepest and most profound parts of our beings, that is a very strong component of our compatibility. But this doesn't mean we have to be perfect. Neither one of us is. We have had things to work through. But you do and you get stronger.

If he had left the Church, I think I would have felt like it was the same kind of betrayal as infidelity would have been. If we could have stayed together after that (if he left the Church but wouldn't interfere wiht my beliefs or activity) I don't think it would ever have been the same. Half a love.

So, in essence, Charity, the Church is more important to you?

I'm not "interrogating" you, but I'd like to know your honest feelings.