Men and Women: Mars and Venus.

[_Moniker]

Haha. I have no intention of dating Mercury, and he's never shown the inclination. Matter of fact he's always been NOTHING but a complete and total gentleman to me -- at all times.

I'm warning you again, don't click on any links Mercury posts, and delete any emails he may send you.

Other than that, you can like him all you like.

There are some exmos you can trust, and others you simply can't. I disagree 95% with Sam, but I trust him, and his honesty. I liked him when he posted here, and I believe he's too honest in regard to his disaffection from the Church.

Mercury is nothing but a can of worms I can do without.

Well, I hope he doesn't mind me posting this -- but I have been sent email from Mercury, which I opened. I am not privy to the Sam issue -- I think it deals with Merc being a wacko towards Sam, or perhaps vice versa. Either way, I haven't been targeted, and until such a time as I am I choose to stay aloft of the pettier aspects of the debate. I know that I've acted inappropriately on this board when my temper got a bit hot -- so it happens to the best of us. I'm not saying Mercury isn't a pisser in many respects -- he is. But, off the boards, and away from the debate he's a different man. Yanno we're all multifaceted and I hope we all realize that most of the people on these boards are just good people -- strip away the LDS and hatred and you see that it's just a bunch of normal folks passing the time in sometimes a very obsessive compulsive manner on these boards. :)

[_Trinity]

Hi Ray,

Aristotle once termed love as "a single soul inhabiting two bodies." I have seen some use that to describe soulmates. Now I have friends who are so much like me that I might use that definition. But not my husband (of 20+ years and running). We have an affinity, an understanding. But I actually think our personality differences complement each other in a way that has proven to be mutually beneficial. I don't know that I could be married to someone just like me.

So no, I don't subscribe to the notion that there is only one perfect person for another. My parents marriage was a good one, I thought they were perfectly paired. They were married 56 years before my mother passed away last year. And my dad recently announced his engagement to another woman. Clearly he doesn't subscribe to the one-soulmate theory either, and that is with a darned near ideal previous marriage.

[_Ray A]

Hi Ray,

Aristotle once termed love as "a single soul inhabiting two bodies." I have seen some use that to describe soulmates. Now I have friends who are so much like me that I might use that definition. But not my husband (of 20+ years and running). We have an affinity, an understanding. But I actually think our personality differences complement each other in a way that has proven to be mutually beneficial. I don't know that I could be married to someone just like me.

So no, I don't subscribe to the notion that there is only one perfect person for another. My parents marriage was a good one, I thought they were perfectly paired. They were married 56 years before my mother passed away last year. And my dad recently announced his engagement to another woman. Clearly he doesn't subscribe to the one-soulmate theory either, and that is with a darned near ideal previous marriage.

My parents were also married for 57 years. I wouldn't say they were "soulmates" either, and the marriage was tainted by occasional infidelity (hell, admitting this makes me feel almost evil, but it is the truth). In the final analysis, I wonder how realistic marriage is, and, shock horror, whether it's largely a hypocritical facade? Note the word "largely". I think some do find "true love", and even "soulmates", but it's very rare. And I think that many marriages that stay together provide stable homes for children, as mine did, but thay are based more on habit, and personal needs.

I don't see much of a future for marriage, and this is based on my extensive experiences. I wish I could say that nine out of ten are happily married, but the contrary is true. Nine out of ten are either grudging or unhappy, or a sort of "endure to the end" relationship. In view of this, I'm not prepared to enter a relationship. Grinding and scraping against someone else's needs and wants is not my idea of happiness. I have no idea what the future will be, but I believe marriage is doomed. Unless we wish to continue to play games with ourselves, and others. If someone finds the "right mix", or the "eternal partner", I think it's just luck. Hard work? Should "true love" be "hard work"?

[_harmony]

I don't see much of a future for marriage, and this is based on my extensive experiences. I wish I could say that nine out of ten are happily married, but the contrary is true. Nine out of ten are either grudging or unhappy, or a sort of "endure to the end" relationship. In view of this, I'm not prepared to enter a relationship. Grinding and scraping against someone else's needs and wants is not my idea of happiness. I have no idea what the future will be, but I believe marriage is doomed. Unless we wish to continue to play games with ourselves, and others. If someone finds the "right mix", or the "eternal partner", I think it's just luck. Hard work? Should "true love" be "hard work"?

The irony of this is that gays will be blamed for the final nail in marriage's coffin, if you are right.

Anyone who has studied the history of marriage knows how and why it started, can document when it reached its zenith, knows when and why religion entered into the fray, and is not surprised by the state of marriage today. It's only those who don't have the benefit of seeing further back than the Victorian era who think that marriage has always been the Happily Ever After fantasy that we're stuck with today. And they do NOT like to be told that marriage started as a means of uniting warring tribes and preserving property and that what they know now as "God" had nothing to do with it. Oh boy. They do not like to be confused with facts.

[_beastie]

It seems to me that deep love ought to go beyond sharing beliefs. People change over time. What is it that you really love? The "me" inside, or the things that cloak the "me", like beliefs, which can and do change?

I really don't know the answer to the underlying question of this thread. I've been extremely happy with my boyfriend, and we have a deeper connection than I've ever had with any other human being, male or female. I trust him more than I trust any other human being. I trust completely that he would never deliberately hurt me, and when he inadvertently hurts me, does the best he can to rectify it, and he knows the same about me. But does absence make the heart grow fonder, so our weeks apart make the weekend even better? I really don't know.

I do know that I was extremely jaded about marriage after my divorce, and it's a testament to the depth of my love for my boyfriend that I'm willing to consider it AT ALL.

But yes, the conversation is meaningless unless one defines "soulmate". For me, a soulmate is someone that you can be best friends with, and also share a passionate sexual attraction/sex life with. That's the perfect combination, for me. I understand different people have different concepts of the term.

[_Ray A]

I really don't know the answer to the underlying question of this thread. I've been extremely happy with my boyfriend, and we have a deeper connection than I've ever had with any other human being, male or female. I trust him more than I trust any other human being. I trust completely that he would never deliberately hurt me, and when he inadvertently hurts me, does the best he can to rectify it, and he knows the same about me. But does absence make the heart grow fonder, so our weeks apart make the weekend even better? I really don't know.

These are only my personal views. I don't claim they're objective. The 50% divorce rate doesn't bode well for the future of marriage. If anyone ran a business with a 50% failure rate, it would not be considered a successful business. I think weekend detention, er, I mean weekend meetings is not a bad idea, and I've said when I posted on FAIR on a thread about marriage/relationships. Trust is the main factor, I think. When you have to lie to your partner, about anything, I think the relationship has already failed.

I do know that I was extremely jaded about marriage after my divorce, and it's a testament to the depth of my love for my boyfriend that I'm willing to consider it AT ALL.

I wasn't only jaded about marriage, I was jaded about Australian women. But that false (latter) notion eventully left. From what I see, and observe, I have formed my view, not from what I read in books. And I can only paraphrase Voltaire: "History (marriage) is nothing but a tableau of...misfortunes..."

But yes, the conversation is meaningless unless one defines "soulmate". For me, a soulmate is someone that you can be best friends with, and also share a passionate sexual attraction/sex life with. That's the perfect combination, for me. I understand different people have different concepts of the term.

Perhaps I am using the wrong term, but I did occasionally use quotation marks. I met a couple months ago in my work. I used to pick them up often on Saturday nights to take them to a club, and I was immediately struck at how much they enjoyed each other's company, and I thought "what a great couple", but a few weeks ago I learned from another source that they actually only had a "weekend relationship".

Perhaps 22 years of marriage have jaded my views, but the product of that marriage, five children, have brought me much meaning and happiness in life. They are my treasure (even more so when they leave home and become financially independent :).