questions for Joseph Smith when he shows up at the temple

[_Sethbag]

Ok, in another thread, a practicing NOM was chatting with some members who were very disappointed that Joseph Smith was said to have appeared to some people in the Arizona temple just before they got there, and they missed him.

I can't help but wonder if the people to whom he appeared got to ask him any questions.

On the off-chance Joseph Smith should appear to any of us, I feel we should be prepared for it and have to hand a list of questions we'd like answered.

So, what questions would you ask Joseph Smith if he appeared to you? I'll start.

1. Did he, or did he not, deflower Helen Mar Kimball before his death?

2. Exactly how many women did he really proposition in secret? I believe there's good reason to suspect that the number is higher than the number Compton, or anyone else, could document.

3. How many, and how large were they, papyrus documents did he really have? Were the ones the church has now in its possession really what he "translated" into the Book of Abraham? Let's put this one to bed, shall we?

4. Was the Book of Mormon the product of a "loose" or a "tight" translation process? In other words, was he just dictating words as they appeared on the ethereal parchmant scraps at the bottom of his hat, or was his mind flooded with ideas that he had to solidify into his own words?

5. What exactly is the connection between the Masonic secret handshakes and tokens, and getting into Heaven? In other words, would Joseph Smith confirm, or deny, that for a person to enter the Celestial Kingdom, they really will, honestly, no crap, have to stand in front of an Angel and demonstrate knowledge of the same exact secret grips and handshakes that Joseph Smith learned in Freemasonry?

6. What was William Law going to reveal in the 2nd edition of the Expositor, which Joseph Smith feared becoming public so much that he had the press destroyed to prevent it being printed?

7. Were all of the American Indians in fact Lamanites, and did the story of the Book of Mormon really occur over wide swathes of North America, including territory in the United States, such as Illinois (think Zelph) and New York (think Hill Cumorah/Moroni)?

8. Did the Flood of Noah really happen, was it on a global scale, and did it in fact wipe out all human flesh on Earth save the souls preserved in the Ark?

9. Where does he think the Australian Aborigines came from? How long have they been on Australia, and how did they get there?

10. Of what nature was his "sealing" to Fanny Alger when their romp in the barn was discovered at least a couple of years before the sealing power was supposed to have been restored in Kirtland? Did God tell Joseph Smith he could romp around with Fanny behind his own legitimate wife's back, or was that his own stroke of brilliance?

11. Was his second, sham marriage to the Partridge Sisters in front of Emma, which he held to preserve the secret that he'd already "married" both of these sisters months before behind Emma's back, sealed by the Holy Spirit of Promise?

11a. How can the Holy Spirit consecrate a sham marriage performed with the intent to deceive?

11b. How can an Joseph Smith justify such sacred topics as Celestial Sealings being performed in vain, when they had already previously been performed, and the second performance was merely for the purposes of deception of his wife?

What questions would you guys add to the list? Let's make sure we cover all the bases, so when one of us has Joseph Smith appear to him, we'll all be ready.

[_gramps]

Was Emma in on the whole scam?

(Wouldn't surprise gramps in the least!)

[_Jersey Girl]

Just one for starters...

When you tried to sell the copyright to God given scripture, what would have been the going price?

[_ozemc]

I guess I would ask where the stone box is that the golden plates were in.

[_gramps]

A few more:

Why didn't your siblings wake up when Nephi (or was it Moroni?), came for his first visit?

Did mushrooms have anything to do with early visions you and others received?

How did you manage to fight off all those bad guys when running through the forest carrying those heavy gold (plated?) plates?

[_Dr. Shades]

6. What was William Law going to reveal in the 2nd edition of the Expositor, which Joseph Smith feared becoming public so much that he had the press destroyed to prevent it being printed?

I think we already know the answer to that question. (Assuming I have my facts right,) it's pretty much an accepted fact that the second edition was going to talk about the Council of 50. This is due to the promise (either in the prospectus or in the first edition itself) that it would reveal the doings of a "self-appointed monarch."

[_The Nehor]

I'd ask to shake his hand. After that, I'd see if he had anything to say.

[_Dr. Shades]

I'd ask to shake his hand. After that, I'd see if he had anything to say.

I thought you'd already met him.

[_The Nehor]

I'd ask to shake his hand. After that, I'd see if he had anything to say.

I thought you'd already met him.

That was somebody else Shades.

[_asbestosman]

I'd ask him who came up with Zelph and Omandagus--was it him or his scribes. If it were his scribes, I'd ask him what else they bungled and if there's any sort of handshake test for words attributed to him.