So how could I have handed this better?

[_moksha]

There is something everyone is overlooking here. A graveside service and funeral dinner can be scheduled any day of the week except Sunday in almost every city. This family could have easily changed the day of their service even if the arrangements were already made with a funeral director and sexton at the cemetery. Death care professionals are quite accustomed to changing arrangements and working with very little notice. The fact is most funerals are not held on a Saturday.
You did nothing wrong. The Relief Society president has a lot of nerve asking you to change plans like that.

The wisest post of them all. Now that I think of it, I am proud of Harmony for holding her ground.

Best wishes for the soon to be married couple.

[_the road to hana]

The bishop had the CHI in his hand and read it to us.
Your assumptions (we heard only the bishop's ideas about the subject) often get in the way of clear thinking. Which is why you come up with such prickloy and erroneous ideas.

I'd love to see the exact wording in the CHI on that one. Feel free to provide it.

[_harmony]

The bishop had the CHI in his hand and read it to us.
Your assumptions (we heard only the bishop's ideas about the subject) often get in the way of clear thinking. Which is why you come up with such prickloy and erroneous ideas.

I'd love to see the exact wording in the CHI on that one. Feel free to provide it.

Jason has a CHI, and he says it doesn't say anything about that.

[_harmony]

Thank you for all your replies. The Relief Society president called today to say they'd decided to use the church house in the town where they're burying the baby. Sounds like a plan to me.

[_James Clifford Miller]

A son of a prominent family in the other ward, who doesn't live in the ward, has suffered a tragedy: his baby died right before birth. It's very sad. I'm sure they're devastated. I feel very badly for them. They want to bury the baby in a neighboring town and were planning to have the family dinner (for 100 people) in our ward gym.

A fetus which dies BEFORE birth is a stillborn (unless there is a typo in the above quote). In LDS theology:

1. There is no membership record for a stillbirth
2. There is sealing for a stillbirth.
3. There is no funeral for a stillbirth

My wife and I had an infant die 36 hours after birth. My wife's baby doctor is LDS and a bishop. He told us that unless the child takes a breath on its own, it is not counted in LDS theology as a live birth, but a stillborn. For our sake, he and the delivery room staff worked until sweat flew off their faces to enable our little son to breath on his own for 36 hours so that he could be counted as one of our children born in the covenant. He even had our infant transported by emergency helicopter to Phoenix's Children's Hospital which has a much honored neonatal unit for just such problems as ours. Unfortunately, like all infants with our little son's condition, he did not survive more than a few days after birth.

My point is that the request in question came not for a recently deceased infant, but for a stillborn. The young parents' grief, I'm sure, was real and my heart goes out to them, but I have a question in my mind about the appropriateness of the family dinner.

James Clifford Miller

[_harmony]

A son of a prominent family in the other ward, who doesn't live in the ward, has suffered a tragedy: his baby died right before birth. It's very sad. I'm sure they're devastated. I feel very badly for them. They want to bury the baby in a neighboring town and were planning to have the family dinner (for 100 people) in our ward gym.

A fetus which dies BEFORE birth is a stillborn (unless there is a typo in the above quote). In LDS theology:

1. There is no membership record for a stillbirth
2. There is sealing for a stillbirth.
3. There is no funeral for a stillbirth

My wife and I had an infant die 36 hours after birth. My wife's baby doctor is LDS and a bishop. He told us that unless the child takes a breath on its own, it is not counted in LDS theology as a live birth, but a stillborn. For our sake, he and the delivery room staff worked until sweat flew off their faces to enable our little son to breath on his own for 36 hours so that he could be counted as one of our children born in the covenant. He even had our infant transported by emergency helicopter to Phoenix's Children's Hospital which has a much honored neonatal unit for just such problems as ours. Unfortunately, like all infants with our little son's condition, he did not survive more than a few days after birth.

My point is that the request in question came not for a recently deceased infant, but for a stillborn. The young parents' grief, I'm sure, was real and my heart goes out to them, but I have a question in my mind about the appropriateness of the family dinner.

James Clifford Miller

Maybe that's why they're only having a grave side service, instead of a funeral? I don't know. All I know about the situation is what the Relief Society president told me. But they are definitely having a dinner for 100 people, at a church house in a neighboring town.

[_Alter Idem]

A son of a prominent family in the other ward, who doesn't live in the ward, has suffered a tragedy: his baby died right before birth. It's very sad. I'm sure they're devastated. I feel very badly for them. They want to bury the baby in a neighboring town and were planning to have the family dinner (for 100 people) in our ward gym.

A fetus which dies BEFORE birth is a stillborn (unless there is a typo in the above quote). In LDS theology:

1. There is no membership record for a stillbirth
2. There is sealing for a stillbirth.
3. There is no funeral for a stillbirth

My wife and I had an infant die 36 hours after birth. My wife's baby doctor is LDS and a bishop. He told us that unless the child takes a breath on its own, it is not counted in LDS theology as a live birth, but a stillborn. For our sake, he and the delivery room staff worked until sweat flew off their faces to enable our little son to breath on his own for 36 hours so that he could be counted as one of our children born in the covenant. He even had our infant transported by emergency helicopter to Phoenix's Children's Hospital which has a much honored neonatal unit for just such problems as ours. Unfortunately, like all infants with our little son's condition, he did not survive more than a few days after birth.

My point is that the request in question came not for a recently deceased infant, but for a stillborn. The young parents' grief, I'm sure, was real and my heart goes out to them, but I have a question in my mind about the appropriateness of the family dinner.

James Clifford Miller

Maybe that's why they're only having a grave side service, instead of a funeral? I don't know. All I know about the situation is what the Relief Society president told me. But they are definitely having a dinner for 100 people, at a church house in a neighboring town.

I don't think so. Members of our ward have had funerals for stillborn children. It is up to the family.

As for Jame's comments: I've had six miscarriages. They were all "born" in the covenant so as far as I'm concerned, they will be my children in the next life. I really don't care what anyone else postulates about "taking a breath" or they aren't my children.

Harmony, I think when the Relief Society Pres. saw that the cultural hall was already scheduled for a wedding she should have gone back to the family and said "I'm sorry, that's not possible. Our building is already scheduled so we'll have to make other arrangements". That's the whole point of scheduling the building--so you can plan on it being available.

And if Funerals really take precedence over Weddings then that's kind of scary. Who wants to send out invitations and spend a bunch of money on decorations, flowers and food only to have a Funeral come up and throw a wrench in the works. I think I'll check the CHI myself to see what I can find.

[_harmony]

I don't think so. Members of our ward have had funerals for stillborn children. It is up to the family.

As for Jame's comments: I've had six miscarriages. They were all "born" in the covenant so as far as I'm concerned, they will be my children in the next life. I really don't care what anyone else postulates about "taking a breath" or they aren't my children.

Harmony, I think when the Relief Society Pres. saw that the cultural hall was already scheduled for a wedding she should have gone back to the family and said "I'm sorry, that's not possible. Our building is already scheduled so we'll have to make other arrangements". That's the whole point of scheduling the building--so you can plan on it being available.

And if Funerals really take precedence over Weddings then that's kind of scary. Who wants to send out invitations and spend a bunch of money on decorations, flowers and food only to have a Funeral come up and throw a wrench in the works. I think I'll check the CHI myself to see what I can find.

I'd never come upon this situation before, so the whole thing has been quite bizarre.

by the way, I'm assuming you're a woman. What are you doing with a CHI?

[_Moniker]

As for Jame's comments: I've had six miscarriages. They were all "born" in the covenant so as far as I'm concerned, they will be my children in the next life. I really don't care what anyone else postulates about "taking a breath" or they aren't my children.

Alter Idem, I'm so sorry your loss.

[mentalgymnast]

I'd never come upon this situation before, so the whole thing has been quite bizarre.

by the way, I'm assuming you're a woman. What are you doing with a CHI?

You assume correctly. My husband is serving as a Bishop so I have access to his copy. Also, if it makes you feel any better, I told him about the situation and he agreed that the Relief Society Pres. should not have even asked, so we both agree that you should not have been put in this awkward situation in the first place.

I just looked up the part about funerals and I concur with Jason. I couldn't find anything about a funeral taking precedence over a wedding. Anyway, I think Charity's ward-stake policy must not be church wide.

Congratulations on the wedding of your son tommorrow, that's exciting, but a little scary. I have three daughters, but we haven't gotten into that stage of their lives yet. We've got maybe a couple more years to go. I hope everything goes well!