Gossip

[_Tori]

Mormons are very gossipy...but so are most Church groups. Like someone mentioned earlier, it's human nature.

What seems to happen in the Mormon Church is that it starts out innocently enough. Most of the time someone mentions something in an attempt to help someone who is having difficulty. Then, as is the usually the case, the more people that find out about something, the more distorted the facts become. Have you ever played the game where you sit in a circle and whisper something to the person next to you? By the time it gets all the way around the circle, the last person has said something completely different from what the first person said.

Actually, that is a great object lesson. I've used in a Young Women class to teach that it's important to avoid...you guessed it....gossip.

;)

That is really a good game to get the message across and it's amazing how true that is in real life. It doesn't have to travel through too many people however, to totally change the story.

I remember something we use to teach in YW, a way to determine if what you are saying is actually gossip. Something like, "If it is true, if it is nice, and if it is necessary". (((scratching head))).

Dontchya think if you have to stop and think about something before you say it, (if it's true/ necessary) maybe you should'New Testament say it at all? I never did understand that lesson. I like to remember something my mother always told me, "If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all.

[_wenglund]

I've witnessed quite a bit of gossipy behavior -- wondering if this is something common in the Church? What about at ex-mo meetups? Is it fun to talk about private lives? Whispering, guess what I know about so and so?

'Cause I've been informed that this is pretty common. Is this created by the Church culture? Do you think?

Let's define gossip as not something that directly relates to you but hearing something 2nd hand and passing it on and talking to others about what you've heard. Does that work? Nod your head yes. :)

Unfortunately, gossip does occur in the Church, though it is certainly not a practice that is restricted mostly to the Church (I have observed its wide-spread presence among many cultures--look for example at the circulation numbers of gossip papers and magazines like National Enquirer, People, US, etc., or the viewrship numbers for gossip shows like ET, Access Holiwood, the VIEW, etc.).

Nor, can the practice (whether participated in by members or former members) be faulted to the Church or its culture. It is strongly discouraged in our scriptures, lesson material, and council from Chruch leaders--and rightly so. It is a practice that tends to degrade all parties concerned, though it can provide the temporary illusion of making the gossipers feel better about themselves.

For that reason, I am somewhat averse to and shy away from the practice. And, because of the amount of gossip that goes on around here, I have in the past attempted to broach the subject for the purpose of improving things, but was met with no small resistence, and consequently have periodically been inclined to take a break from the board for a time.

But, that may just be me.

Thanks, -Wade Englund-

[_MishMagnet]

I was never one of the 'adult' LDS so can't comment on that part. I feel that some people are just gossips by nature. Perhaps it's out of poor self-esteem, don't know. Some people take pleasure in feeling better than the next person and this goes for all social groups and breakdowns. My husband and I were the target this past year of a woman just outright making up stories about us. No truth to them whatsoever and spreading them around this particular social group.

I've been to a few exmo meetings and there is no gossip that I can recal. There are many people with very sad stories. It just kind of comes with the territory I think.

[Guest]

Mormons are very gossipy...but so are most Church groups. Like someone mentioned earlier, it's human nature.

What seems to happen in the Mormon Church is that it starts out innocently enough. Most of the time someone mentions something in an attempt to help someone who is having difficulty. Then, as is the usually the case, the more people that find out about something, the more distorted the facts become. Have you ever played the game where you sit in a circle and whisper something to the person next to you? By the time it gets all the way around the circle, the last person has said something completely different from what the first person said.

Actually, that is a great object lesson. I've used in a Young Women class to teach that it's important to avoid...you guessed it....gossip.

;)

That is really a good game to get the message across and it's amazing how true that is in real life. It doesn't have to travel through too many people however, to totally change the story.

I remember something we use to teach in YW, a way to determine if what you are saying is actually gossip. Something like, "If it is true, if it is nice, and if it is necessary". (((scratching head))).

Dontchya think if you have to stop and think about something before you say it, (if it's true/ necessary) maybe you should'New Testament say it at all? I never did understand that lesson. I like to remember something my mother always told me, "If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all.

Ah! My mother used to say, "Mind your own business!" :)

Actually I used to belong to a cult, I guess, that indoctrinated me with the sense that I need never give advice, I do not interfere with other folks lives, I NEVER assume I know what is best for someone else, and I don't care what the hell people do as long as they don't infringe upon my ability to do whatever the hell I want to do.

I like that I was indoctrinated with those sentiments.
~~~~

Editing since I'm a hypocrite. I do worry for some people and will listen to them and tell them I empathize, I wish them well, I hope they'll take care of themselves, and give suggestions. I do not assume that my concern for them should override what they desire and attempt to do something to "save them from self". A child is a different matter.

[_Moniker]

I've witnessed quite a bit of gossipy behavior -- wondering if this is something common in the Church? What about at ex-mo meetups? Is it fun to talk about private lives? Whispering, guess what I know about so and so?

'Cause I've been informed that this is pretty common. Is this created by the Church culture? Do you think?

Let's define gossip as not something that directly relates to you but hearing something 2nd hand and passing it on and talking to others about what you've heard. Does that work? Nod your head yes. :)

Unfortunately, gossip does occur in the Church, though it is certainly not a practice that is restricted mostly to the Church (I have observed its wide-spread presence among many cultures--look for example at the circulation numbers of gossip papers and magazines like National Enquirer, People, US, etc., or the viewrship numbers for gossip shows like ET, Access Holiwood, the VIEW, etc.).

Nor, can the practice (whether participated in by members or former members) be faulted to the Church or its culture. It is strongly discouraged in our scriptures, lesson material, and council from Chruch leaders--and rightly so. It is a practice that tends to degrade all parties concerned, though it can provide the temporary illusion of making the gossipers feel better about themselves.

For that reason, I am somewhat averse to and shy away from the practice. And, because of the amount of gossip that goes on around here, I have in the past attempted to broach the subject for the purpose of improving things, but was met with no small resistence, and consequently have periodically been inclined to take a break from the board for a time.

But, that may just be me.

Thanks, -Wade Englund-

It's always just you, isn't it? Aren't you lonely?

What precisely do you see as gossip on the board? I think we may have different definitions. You mentioned gossipy behavior when there was criticism of lavish temples -- uhhh.... I don't geddit! What is gossipy about talking about that? I didn't understand it in that thread when you stated it and still don't.

[_Moniker]

I was never one of the 'adult' LDS so can't comment on that part. I feel that some people are just gossips by nature. Perhaps it's out of poor self-esteem, don't know. Some people take pleasure in feeling better than the next person and this goes for all social groups and breakdowns. My husband and I were the target this past year of a woman just outright making up stories about us. No truth to them whatsoever and spreading them around this particular social group.

I've been to a few exmo meetings and there is no gossip that I can recal. There are many people with very sad stories. It just kind of comes with the territory I think.

MishMagnet, I'm sorry that happened to you. I know that must have been frustrating. What do you do!? It's infuriating at first when you discover you're the topic of gossip -- especially if there is no truth to it or it's been twisted. There was a woman in my neighborhood a few years back that said her children almost drowned in my pool. Her children had never even been to our home! When she said it happened we hadn't even had our pool finished and it was empty. She just pulled it out of thin air and started spreading it around. I didn't understand?? I would see her about and I had no idea how to handle her.

Yet, more upsetting then she saying it -- was that it eventually got back to me after going the rounds. At least if you're going to gossip try to keep it on the downlow and don't tell the "target" how everyone has discussed you and they all agree on "XYandZ" and how they are now ready to help you. :)

[Guest]

liz kicks Mormon ass

[_harmony]

Why not ask Liz our illustrious mod.

She loves to slurp dirt on people on this board and gossip it to others.

Guess how I found out about you [edited] and the other board member?

There is no "dirt" on this board to slurp up, PP. Perhaps you don't know what real gossip is. The truth can never be gossip.

[_Moniker]

Hi Dooosh, I think we talked a few minutes the other evening. :)

Please remove my other moniker. I've sent you a PM explaining that there is something in real life that is of concern to me. Thanks. And I'm pretty sure I know most of the gossip -- I don't really care. :)

Harmony, the truth can be gossip. Of course then you'd have to assume that you actually knew the truth, that you were filled in on all of the details and didn't do this with a group think of trying to fit in the pieces. The truth as some have ascribed isn't quite the same as the "truth" I know.

Anyway, isn't gossip fun?!!?? Weeee.......... :D

[_harmony]

Harmony, the truth can be gossip. Of course then you'd have to assume that you actually knew the truth, that you were filled in on all of the details and didn't do this with a group think of trying to fit in the pieces. The truth as some have ascribed isn't quite the same as the "truth" I know.

Then it's not truth.

I suggest we stick to the issues and leave the personal bits out of the discussion.