Being LDS.

[_karl61]

Good grief! Why must she find someone before 24?

I, too, am interested in the answer to that question, Gazelam. Why is 24 the magic number as opposed to, say, 25, 28, or some other number?

And while respect and friendship are important, I kind of fine it odd that love isn't mentoned in your post.

I, too, am interested in why you neglected to mention love, Gazelam. Is love not important to a marriage?

Religious people have issues with numbers: something like 14 generations from adam to so and so and then to david and then to Christ. they also have an issue with the number 40 and also 7. I bet Joseph Smith helped himself to 40 women.

[_Gazelam]

And that's why they are all too eager to go ahead and marry. You find someone you're gaga about and Nehor is right you want to tear into each other. So what do you do in the LDS culture so you can be intimate? You get married hastily so you can have nookie. Then after your passion and euphoria settles down you sure as hell better hope the person that you jumped into the marital bed with is someone you're compatible with that can become not just your lover, but also your friend

Thank you Moni' I believe this answers Shades question regarding Love. I think thers too many marriages based on lust. A man and woman should marry their best friend, or rather, the friend they love the most. The love they have at the time will blossom further in time to a deep rooted proper passion. Instead of a flash fire, they have a solid foundation to lay a bed of slow burning coal.

As Beastie said, sexual urges are no doubt there, and marrying young will keep these passions in their proper place. There is no reason to wait, and far more reasons to go ahead and get married.

I say 24 so that she has her chance to finish school if she so desires. A well educated mother increaes the chance to have well educated children, and is a wife that can intelligently and wisely counsel her husband in the affairs of the home.

Also, when a couple marries young, they go through trials of youth together, and this bonds them as a couple.

[_krose]

They want you to marry young so you won't have pre-marital sex.

I think you really hit the nail on the head. So many kids get married too young because it's the only way they can be intimate without feeling terribly guilty. They can't stand waiting any longer. But the younger the marriage age, the more likely the marriage will fail, which is probably one reason the divorce rate is no better than for 'gentiles.'

GAs who preach to kids that they should not delay having babies to finish their education are not doing them any favors. I just heard one of them say that on KBYU today, addressing kids at a fireside. He expressed it in terms of not waiting to gain "conveniences" and "toys," which really misstates the situation. (He said they should relish the financial struggles.) I don't consider graduating and getting a job (and insurance) before reproducing to be anything but a good idea and the right thing to do. It's hardly just acquiring "conveniences."

[_harmony]

GAs who preach to kids that they should not delay having babies to finish their education are not doing them any favors. I just heard one of them say that on KBYU today, addressing kids at a fireside. He expressed it in terms of not waiting to gain "conveniences" and "toys," which really misstates the situation. (He said they should relish the financial struggles.) I don't consider graduating and getting a job (and insurance) before reproducing to be anything but a good idea and the right thing to do. It's hardly just acquiring "conveniences."

But is any of it sinking in? Or is this generation wising up?

[_beastie]

I think you really hit the nail on the head. So many kids get married too young because it's the only way they can be intimate without feeling terribly guilty. They can't stand waiting any longer. But the younger the marriage age, the more likely the marriage will fail, which is probably one reason the divorce rate is no better than for 'gentiles.'

GAs who preach to kids that they should not delay having babies to finish their education are not doing them any favors. I just heard one of them say that on KBYU today, addressing kids at a fireside. He expressed it in terms of not waiting to gain "conveniences" and "toys," which really misstates the situation. (He said they should relish the financial struggles.) I don't consider graduating and getting a job (and insurance) before reproducing to be anything but a good idea and the right thing to do. It's hardly just acquiring "conveniences."

Are they STILL preaching this nonsense? I should know better than to listen to internet Mormons who keep telling me the church has liberalized on this point.

Although I guess it could benefit the church in the end. Marrying young and having children immediately increases one's emotional investment in the LDS church being "true" due to the sacrifices made for it.

[_Imwashingmypirate]

Nehor has several wives WILLINGLY tied up in his basement . LOL.

I was once taught a lesson. It was about three words taken from the Latin New Testament. I don't remember the words but they all translated to mean love. And so there are three different types of love. It was likened unto a fire. It was important to have al these types of love in a relationship in order for the fire to burn at it's best and these loves were; most importantly, Friendship; Marrage and "ripping each others clothes off". Without one of these the fire will not be strong and it will surely burn out.

I personally don't see my self as being ready to marry, so, I guess I will be one of those "lost cause"s. But if I do intend on getting married I don't see why you guys can't be invited. LOL. HAAAA!!! I wouldn't allow someone to control me. If they tried then they don't really care about me to respect my decisions.

[_beastie]

If they tried then they don't really care about me to respect my decisions.

The church doesn't respect your decisions if those decisions vary from the path they have chosen for you.

If you don't realize that yet, you will one day.

[_Imwashingmypirate]

They want you to marry young so you won't have pre-marital sex.

I think you really hit the nail on the head. So many kids get married too young because it's the only way they can be intimate without feeling terribly guilty. They can't stand waiting any longer. But the younger the marriage age, the more likely the marriage will fail, which is probably one reason the divorce rate is no better than for 'gentiles.'

GAs who preach to kids that they should not delay having babies to finish their education are not doing them any favors. I just heard one of them say that on KBYU today, addressing kids at a fireside. He expressed it in terms of not waiting to gain "conveniences" and "toys," which really misstates the situation. (He said they should relish the financial struggles.) I don't consider graduating and getting a job (and insurance) before reproducing to be anything but a good idea and the right thing to do. It's hardly just acquiring "conveniences."

I was at that fireside last night. I fell asleep towards the end though. I found it rather funny. I feel you should try to give your children the best life you can and if it means waiting a while till you can afford it, then so be it. Children need toys. It is part of their learning procces. I know that when I was young my mum was really ill. She had a collapsed lung for a year and a half. Then another collapsed lung. She was hanging on. That tells me alone there must be a god. I apparenly spent a lot of my time in my room. But I found that when I tried to play vollyball, people would complain that I didn't throw the ball well and my manner was week. But volleyball wasn't something I was familiar with. We used to throw things at each other after building castles with our mattresses and pretend we were at battle. And jump on the bed whilst someone was under the mattress, we called this "squash the tomato". We had toys and things. But most people learn that way. Balls were a rarety. My dad always burst them. So we learned different things. My brothers werent brought up playing football. We played rounders in our neighbors garden on the odd occasion. So we are not really that way inclined. But we can play chess quite well. Not many brits our ages know how to play chess. It is best to be active in everything so that you are able to learn everything.

Althought what Gaz said about growing up together is really nice, it also means growing up too fast. It would cause one to miss out in lots of experiences. There would be responsibility of other lives without knowing who you are yourself.

I am ramblng, sorry.

[_Blixa]

Althought what Gaz said about growing up together is really nice, it also means growing up too fast. It would cause one to miss out in lots of experiences. There would be responsibility of other lives without knowing who you are yourself.

I am ramblng, sorry.

I don't think you are entirely rambling, pirate. This, and what you said earlier,

I personally don't see my self as being ready to marry, so, I guess I will be one of those "lost cause"s. But if I do intend on getting married I don't see why you guys can't be invited. LOL. HAAAA!!! I wouldn't allow someone to control me. If they tried then they don't really care about me to respect my decisions.

are some of the most sensible things I've seen you post yet. You sound like, whatever else you may be confused about or tossing around your mind, at bottom you've got a good grasp on some essential and important things.

People, many people, not just LDS, have children far too thoughtlessly. I don't see why the better counsel isn't given in church: take you're time, make sure you're ready on every front, emotionally and financially. And most of all, before you can raise a competent and complete human you must be one yourself. Realize your talents and stretch your intelligence--for yourself, for the greater good of humanity--and not only so you can "wisely counsel [your] husband in the affairs of the home." Be a part of the world, don't live cloistered from all that is beautiful, exciting and satistying.

[_beastie]

You're not rambling, pirate, what you say makes perfect sense.

When I was at BYU in the dark ages (1976-78) we regularly had firesides in which we were chastised to quit being obstinate and just get married and start popping out babies, for heaven's sake. It was particularly mortifying if you happen to go to one of those firesides on a date. I remember at one big meeting, probably a stake conference, they trotted out a tired looking young mother of two or three, with her husband still in school, living in a two bedroom apartment. She extolled the joys of changing diapers all day and living on top of each other with no money. Now, I'm not saying people can't find happiness under these circumstances, but there are very real, very *unselfish* reasons for wanting to provide a different sort of start for your young family. Marriage is usually not easy in the first place, and having lots of young children fast along with economic problems usually increase marital strain. Why would a church that so values marriage set it up to undergo such extraordinary strain at its onset, when it is so vulnerable? And yes, it's not selfish for parents to want to provide well for their children. We're not talking about luxuries, but, as you say, the basic things that help kids thrive. And that includes a parent who has the energy and where-with-all to pay a decent amount of attention to them.

I think that's what irks me the most about this particular pressure put on young people - they're made to feel selfish if they want to wait. It's not being selfish, it's being wise.