Would you tell your spouse to lose weight?

[_Scottie]

I was watching a show on Discovery today on obesity. Being single, I don't have this problem anymore, but I wondered about those of you that are married.

If your spouse were passing from a few extra pounds into obese, would you tell them?

If you had the money and could afford gastric bypass, would you suggest that your spouse get it?

[_Jersey Girl]

I was watching a show on Discovery today on obesity. Being single, I don't have this problem anymore, but I wondered about those of you that are married.

If your spouse were passing from a few extra pounds into obese, would you tell them?

If you had the money and could afford gastric bypass, would you suggest that your spouse get it?

No to the first:

I think that if my spouse were passing on from a few extra pounds to obese, he'd already know it. I know from my own experience in gaining and losing weight throughout my life, that I know good and well when the scale is going up too much, times when I have the wherewithal to get on the stick and lose it, and times when I'm in a slump of some sort (or too busy) to make a change and so I live with it a while until I get my "mojo" back. In 500 years of marriage, I've never once pointed out weight gain in my spouse. Not once, not ever.

No to the second with conditions:

If my spouse had become terribly overweight and expressed a strong desire to lose it, I would ask him what his ideas were about that and let him know I would support his efforts whatever they may be. If gastric bypass seemed to be the best option, I would ask him if he'd thought about it as an option and we'd scrounge up the $$ to make it happen.

I think that when spouses begin to point out, what shall we call it, deficiences in eachother, the deficient spouse already knows what's going wrong and our comments only serve to drive their spirit under.

How'd I do?

[_Moniker]

I was watching a show on Discovery today on obesity. Being single, I don't have this problem anymore, but I wondered about those of you that are married.

If your spouse were passing from a few extra pounds into obese, would you tell them?

If you had the money and could afford gastric bypass, would you suggest that your spouse get it?

That's a tough one. My last husband was over weight. He gained weight after we married and I never said a word about it to him. I would make suggestions for him to come work out with me the last few years -- or to go on a walk with me. As he was aging and I did worry for his health..

I didn't say anything to him for fear that he would think I found him undesirable. It didn't bother me in the least as far as his appearance -- I just didn't care. He wasn't obese, though. I imagine if it was a very serious health risk I would have to talk to my spouse about my concern.

If he had been obese I would merely tell him I worried for him and that I would hope he would consider taking better care of himself. Yet, I'd leave it up to him. I would likely never bring it up again.

[_Imwashingmypirate]

At the YSA fireside thing. We were told to lose weight and look more attractive for the opposite sex. If a stranger can say it as a commandment, then why not your husband. *said in a sarcastic manner*.

[_Yoda]

I was watching a show on Discovery today on obesity. Being single, I don't have this problem anymore, but I wondered about those of you that are married.

If your spouse were passing from a few extra pounds into obese, would you tell them?

If you had the money and could afford gastric bypass, would you suggest that your spouse get it?

I agree with Jersey Girl. Having been overweight myself, I KNEW when I was tipping the scales. LOL

The thing about weight is, if you don't do it for yourself, it's not going to happen. No one can "make" you lose weight. YOU have to want to do it for yourself, and commit to it. Before I changed careers and started teaching college, I worked as an Account Manager for a Fortune 500 company. Most of my time was spent sitting. I managed marketing campaigns for over 1000 accounts, and most of my work was done via phone and computer. Our team would order out for Chinese a lot at lunch. There was always some kind of cake in the office. It was a sugar-holics' nightmare.

Before I knew it, I weighed 270 pounds. I'm 5'7, so that doesn't bode very well. LOL The wake-up call for me came when I was winded just walking out to the parking lot to and from work. And I had to go on blood pressure medicine. I thought this was ridiculous.

So, I made small changes. A friend of mine and I started walking during lunch. No more ordering out. I basically just quit being stupid. It took me a year, but I lost 100 pounds, and have, for the most part, kept it off. (I had a baby a few years ago, and I just finished losing most of that "baby fat").

Losing the weight really changed my outlook on a lot of things. I went back to school, changed careers. My teaching career is much more active.

My point is...my husband didn't tell me, "you're fat...you need to lose weight." It was something I chose to do on my own...and because I chose to do it, I was committed.

I think that if you are concerned about your spouses' weight from a health perspective, you have to be careful about how you approach it. And, ultimately, your spouse has to be committed to losing the weight or it's not going to work.

[_The Nehor]

I'm told it's easier if you're both out of shape as you can then suggest it as something both of you need to do to improve your health.

[_Moniker]

I'm told it's easier if you're both out of shape as you can then suggest it as something both of you need to do to improve your health.

Umhum. That didn't work out for me. I gained about 25 lbs with both pregnancies and my husband gained about the same amount each time I was pregnant. Yet, as soon as I gave birth I was only about 15 lbs more than I was before pregnancy. So, I would start working out frantically (cause I'm a nut) and he just wasn't interested in joining me with any physical activity. I'd ask him to just join me to keep me company.

It's just a touchy situation. Tread lightly. My husband would actually say something about my weight gain during pregnancy and it irritated me as I gained precisely as much as was healthy and was very careful to not gain too much. I just know how hurtful it can be when someone says something (it hurt my feelings a lot) so I would never say something to another about it. It's just not in my nature. Unless of course there was a serious health risk -- then I would broach the subject with great care... but thankfully I've never had to do that.

[_Blixa]

At the YSA fireside thing. We were told to lose weight and look more attractive for the opposite sex. If a stranger can say it as a commandment, then why not your husband. *said in a sarcastic manner*.

Gag!


My two cents on the OP are much like liz, Jersey Girl's and others. I would never shame someone I loved over their physical appearance. If I were worried about thier health, I would find a way to introduce healthy practices into BOTH our lives (nutrition, excercise, etc.).

[_Imwashingmypirate]

At the YSA fireside thing. We were told to lose weight and look more attractive for the opposite sex. If a stranger can say it as a commandment, then why not your husband. *said in a sarcastic manner*.

Gag!


My two cents on the OP are much like liz, Jersey Girl's and others. I would never shame someone I loved over their physical appearance. If I were worried about thier health, I would find a way to introduce healthy practices into BOTH our lives (nutrition, excercise, etc.).

I wasn't being serious. I think it is wrong to tell someone to lose weight unless it would cause problems in your relationship.

[_Blixa]

At the YSA fireside thing. We were told to lose weight and look more attractive for the opposite sex. If a stranger can say it as a commandment, then why not your husband. *said in a sarcastic manner*.

Gag!


My two cents on the OP are much like liz, Jersey Girl's and others. I would never shame someone I loved over their physical appearance. If I were worried about thier health, I would find a way to introduce healthy practices into BOTH our lives (nutrition, excercise, etc.).

I wasn't being serious. I think it is wrong to tell someone to lose weight unless it would cause problems in your relationship.

Oh..I wasn't making a noise about your response, Pirate, but about being told to look attractive in the YSA fireside. : )