Weaknesses:

[_karl61]

weaknesses:

I guess people may be a little curious about my signature. When I was a child I grew up in mixed home. My mom was molly Mormon and the good housewife that had one dress that she wore to church each week. My dad joined the church for my mom and we were sealed in the temple when I was about eight. I remember my dad also baptizing me. About a year later I noticed my mom was gone and found out she was living with my aunt. She came home about a week later but she had changed. She did not have any time for me like she use to - for some reason she was bitter. I know what happened now. My Dad stopped going to church. He went back to smoking a pipe and cigars as big city cop and former marine corps drill instructor and war vet does. He also started reading magazines that I'm sure made my mom furious. He traded in his car for another one each year. One time when I was in their room and saw that he was looking at a magazine that made me feel excited. My heart started pounding for some reason. About a week later I figured out where it was and took it down. I opened the centerfold and I was hooked from then on. This was nirvana. I had felt the holy spirit and wanted to feel it again. I've have a bad addiction to porn ever sense and have gone to therapy with the best Mormon therapists trying to me to stop looking at naked women. It never worked. After I came home from my mission early, I use to drive by girls walking the street for money. I finally decided I wanted to know what sex was like. I went home to get the money and as I was driving back hollywood I was so nervous - I was shaking and thought I was going to throw up in the car. Well I found a girl and we did our thing. I felt bad and made sure the Church knew what was going on in my life. Many years have gone by and I have given up mostly everything, but the porn is the last thing to go. I remember in twelve step programs where guys would say that they have given up alcohol, cocaine but the sex addiction is the worst to give up. Maybe it's because sex is instinctual and in today's society it's easy to get aroused. Maybe it's because we are curious especially as teenagers and hear about it so often. My Dad finally abandoned out family and moved out for a while to have his freedom.

I was honest about what was going on in my life and I was excommunicated. I now had nothing left. I stood at church dances next to the wall and went to firesides where guys got up to talk about their mission. The playboys kept me feeling good and took away the outside problem, if only temporarily.

It's really interesting to me that their are certain weaknesses that the church has no patience for and other they would not even bat and eye, alcohol, cocaine, heroin, gambling - would be given a shrug of the shoulder. Maybe if it causes some problems with tithing there would be some issues.

Many of my friends lied about that they were doing with their girlfriends - not ready to tell the truth just yet. Maybe after they are married for five years they will admitt to oral sex a month prior to marriage, which would have likely doomed a temple marriage for a year but at least they were honest.They would be given a slap on the hand and told not to do it again - (at least in 1982) People today grow up in such a judgemental enviroment that they play the molly and mike Mormon game for their parents. It doesn't seem healthy.

It seems to me that the church is a hospital and each of us are sick - some more than others. The church says that one of the reasons for excommunication is to keep the church pure. But what about all the people that don't attend, are the tracking them down and asking about their life so they can keep the church pure. What about the active members like my friends who are living a lie.

If anyone needs a mediator it's me. I'm not sure how Jesus can be my mediator and the Bishops get to be the judges. Of course the Bible is full of contridictions - you can justify anything. Any thoughts would be appreciated.

[_Ray A]

Sounds to me like you've lived a fairly normal life, like in SNAFU (situation normal, all F***** up). You're just more honest about it than most people.

"History is nothing but a tableau of crimes and misfortunes" - Voltaire.

[_moksha]

Is this feasible?

[_truth dancer]

Hi TSG... :-)

I'm not a believer but here are a couple of thoughts for you.

If there is a God, I have a sense that there would be an understanding of the human experience FAR beyond what any mere man could possibly know. I have a sense that this God would not judge us as we judge each other, or more specifically as those who think they are judges would judge us.

I do not believe in the Bible, but I do find a beautiful sense of peace when I read many writings attributed to Jesus.

Most specifically, the sermon on the mount, the beatitudes, and many parables like the Parable of the Lost Son. I think the two great commandments, love God (this to me means, reverence life and creation), and love each other (upon which all other commandments rest), far outweigh any other commands men have come up with. It speaks of a God who understands and who cares.

I have the sense that, unlike the human ego so filled with pride and elitism, power and commands, the teachings of Jesus speak of an understanding, compassion, and love that is far beyond what is taught in many/all religions.

I do not think there is any man who can judge you, nor do I think there need be a mediator to get into heaven. What I do think is that we are human, all doing our best to manage a very difficult experience. If there is a God, I'm thinking this God would understand.

Warmest wishes to you,

~dancer~

[_Some Schmo]

Well, here's the problem, as I see it: You've actually bought into the idea that pornography is somehow bad. Guess what... it's not. There's not a single person who can provide a verifiable, substantial reason why porn is somehow wrong without bringing up the god fantasy.

If I were you, I'd give up the bad belief before giving up what you like, which is viewing porn... something that doesn't hurt anyone. Don't let a bunch of uptight fools convince you otherwise.

[_krose]

I'm with Homer. Every time I visit a beach in Europe and notice all the topless women, I think how different my attitudes about things like nudity would have been if I had grown up in that environment. Repression is a major cause of obsessions, in my opinion, especially when it's a repression of a strong human drive like reproduction.

[_truth dancer]

Porn addiction can be a very destructive and harmful aspect to one's life.

Some may not understand what it means to be addicted to porn.

Addiction of any sort, is not something to ignore or dismiss. It can completely overtake one's life and requires professional help to overcome.

~dancer~

[_Ray A]

Addiction of any sort, is not something to ignore or dismiss. It can completely overtake one's life and requires professional help to overcome.

Do you know any good Internet forum addiction counselors? :)

[_truth dancer]

Hi Ray...

I received my training in sexual addiction recovery from Dr. Patrick Carnes who, in my opinion, is an amazing man and a brilliant therapist.

He is the author of several books (that I highly recommend), and has a fabulous site: sexhelp.com

In addition, many forums and SA facilities base their programs on his work.

~dancer~

[_Imwashingmypirate]

Hey. I am so sorry. I would have recommended you see an NON-LDS therapist. I once went to an LDS counsellor. She scared me. It was of no help at all.

I hope you overcome your addiction. Especially if it makes you feel bad. We don't get many "molly's or mike's" here. Well not that I have seen. I was often called a molly Mormon. Harghhhh.... I still am back home. :P But I am more a questioning Mormon. To me being molly was an insult. i am somewhat a feminist in some ways.

I can understand why you would have taking up such an act. The church shouldn't have ex'd you. they should have tried to help you and see that it was natural of you to do such things.

You should work on thr root of your problem first and the rest will be easier.

Good Luck.

Pirate.