Question for Charity

[_beastie]

If I recall correctly, studies have shown that two parenting styles tend to create children who end up with behavior problems - the extremely permissive, no-rules/parent is friend style, and the super strict authoritarian style. The optimal parenting style is to set reasonable, firm boundaries with clear, reasonable consequences, and to have many, many, many more positive interactions with negative with the child.

[_Imwashingmypirate]

There really needs to be a balance. Some people don't know how to love. GOSH, I think I'm going to be sick.... Why do I continually drink milk? I can't drink it, yet I do. I always seem to think it will be OK, then afterwards I feel reeaaaallly BAD.

Hmmm... I don't really know what to think of this thread. My dad liked control of things. We just had to be careful not to get in his way. But we usually found ways of having fun. LOL. We used to slide down the stairs on boards. That was cool. I don't really remember much. I remember once my little brother stuck a slug on the end of a stick and chased me with it. I was so scared, I hate slugs. I ran into the bathroom and shut the door. My dad came and dragged me out and hit and shouted at ME. He didn't care that my brother was chasing me with a squidgy dead slug. I had a terrible fear of fire at one point in my life and in some ways I still do. I was washing the dishes. The chops went on fire and I was scared, I panicked and ran out side shouting "Dad! The chops are on fire", he was so angry at that. He kicked me. My brother put the fire out and told me to keep quiet.

Mostly we had to sit very quietly and watch whatever my dad wanted to watch. If we had a drink we had to drink it silently. I once scared my boss when at work because I was on lunch break and I was so quiet, when he turned round and saw me he jumped. That was funny.

I don't think what my dad did was tough love. I think it was just desire of full control and anger.
My mum was the balance. Whenever my dad was out we would talk loads. We all sat around the fire and had discussions about everything. From how we felt about things right throught to philosophy, religion and psychology. We just discussed everything. I guess that's why I come on these boards. My dad used to walk in on us. He didn't like that much. This didn't happen often as usually we would hear him coming and get away from the fire and stop talking.

Hehe.. Sneeky or what?

But life was generally good, you know?

Even though there was a lot of idiotic violence and tension, we still had good times. Not with my dad though.

I hope your leg is better Charity. I don't think there was incompetence going on in your healing process. I think there needs be a balance. It would have been much harder having not had a nicer therapist on the weekend. At least you could have had that to look forward to. I do not think she would have been incompetent at all. But the point is that you have healed and that is the whole purpose, whether there was tough love or not.

[_beastie]

I have had questions myself about the purpose of fasting and prayer if God is going to do what He wants anyway. I think it probably has to do with what the exercise does for us. Your blasphemous suggestions are disgusting.

Yeah, it's disgusting to suggest that someone who commands that his children constantly worship him, adore him, plead with his intervention although he's going to do what he had already decided, and sing his praises night and day might be a narcissist! Let's be real, folks!!!

[_Imwashingmypirate]

If I recall correctly, studies have shown that two parenting styles tend to create children who end up with behavior problems - the extremely permissive, no-rules/parent is friend style, and the super strict authoritarian style. The optimal parenting style is to set reasonable, firm boundaries with clear, reasonable consequences, and to have many, many, many more positive interactions with negative with the child.

Hmmm... I have behavioral problems??

I guess my mum kinda told us to be quiet a lot, but that was to prevent giving my dad reason to blow up.

My brothers have problems. My oldest bro is calming down a little, I think, but he was horrible to us at times. My second oldest brother was nice to me, but not to my mum in some ways. He can be sick at times. He is most like my dad, but he was also most bullied by my dad. My little brother is also calming down. He can be like my dad a lot, but he also has a caring heart at times and I see that in him. He does get angry easily though.

I don't really know what I am like, but I know my brother gets annoyed because I am seen as perfect but lazy. I don't do much. He amplifies my lazyness because it is the only thing people have against me. I am not really lazy, because some days I work hard then I will take a break and do absolutely nothing. I guess I should really spread things out a little more. I have problems with cleaning. I hate cleaning but it is because when I am motivated to clean, I want everything perfect, but then people just make a mess again and I hate it. I can spend a whole day cleaning and get no where. Here it is just me, so I can clean as much or as little as I like. HARHAR, Right now my room is quite clean. My flat mates would say it is very clean, but that is just a comparison to themselves. But then I can also have a very messy room.

Gosh I am going off on tangents. This really ought to be for my blog.

Gotta go.

Pirate.

[_charity]

Beastie, you remember the parenting styles very well. Authoritarion--jump when I say frog-- to permissive--you want to go out with the frog then okay--each produce children with different behavioral problems. Authoritative is the one with the reasonable rules and standards, appropriate choice opportunities, etc.

About God. I think he operates on the above system. Authoritarian. He gives us reasonable rules, opportunities to chose. He wants what is best for His children. And like an earthly parent-child relationship, the children don't always understand that. Children often rail at reasonable rules, and see only short term consequences without regard to long term outcomes.

[_Gazelam]

When children are grown and have left their home, which parenting style do you think they respect more and are more grateful for? The friend, or the teacher?

[_charity]

When children are grown and have left their home, which parenting style do you think they respect more and are more grateful for? The friend, or the teacher?

Research indicates they respect the teacher and are grateful for the guidance. A parent who is a friend has abdicated their responsbility and stewardship.