Marital Manipulation

Post by **_Imwashingmypirate** » Wed Jan 30, 2008 12:35 am

I am eating ice cream. It had chunks of sherbit looking stuff, but I think that might have been icing sugar. It is 00:33 am here. Sherbit is erm...

Oops, I spelled it wrong.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sherbet

Yeh definetly icing sugar, arghhhhhh. Gross, whoever thought of putting icing sugar chunks on ice cream?

Maybe we should get back on topic.

Post by **_asbestosman** » Wed Jan 30, 2008 12:42 am

charity wrote:I have a daughter, married in the temple, whose husband has left the Church. They have a strong and happy marriage. The husband remained respectful and supportive of her continued faith. They have family home evening, home teachers, he goes to Church to hear the kids speak or perform, does not complain about her attending the temple or doing her callings. He does not try to convince the children to leave the Church.

[ . . . ]

It isn't about whether a person is a member of the Church or not. It is about respecting and loving your spouse and wanting them to be happy.

I would that all marriages could work it out that well. Thumbs up for your daughter and her husband for working it out. I wonder, though, how someone would work things out if a spouse actually joined another church. Should the children attend the Lutherian and the Mormon services?

Post by **_Imwashingmypirate** » Wed Jan 30, 2008 12:43 am

Erm... That was a bad idea. I did it again. I ate too much dairy. I am going, Night all.

Pirate.

Post by **_Imwashingmypirate** » Wed Jan 30, 2008 12:50 am

I had a strange dream the other night. I was married to a Mormon dude. He stopped wearing garments. The dude was having an affair in my dream. Funny huh. I sure hope that wasn't a premonition. I never seen the dude before.

I guess that is kinda on topic. In my dream, he ignored me and hung around with his friends. What a prat. But it was just a dream though.

Asbman wrote:I wonder, though, how someone would work things out if a spouse actually joined another church. Should the children attend the Lutherian and the Mormon services?

I find this question funny, maybe it was a slip up.

You do not specify which church in your preposition question and then specify in the following question.

I think the children should attend whichever they feel most comfortable with. I have attended more than one church at once. I wanted to see the difference between them. It does no harm... I hope.

Post by **_beastie** » Wed Jan 30, 2008 1:10 am

What's interesting about this is that some believers actually insist that the act of a spouse losing faith constitutes "spiritual infidelity", and is, in and of itself, justification for divorce.

Yet I'm sure these same believers would insist that for an exbeliever to pressure (via the threat of divorce) their spouse to get out of the church is evil incarnate.

_Yoda · Post by **_Yoda** » Wed Jan 30, 2008 1:15 am

charity wrote:
Imwashingmypirate wrote:
Why does this ice cream have fake sherbit in it? Maybe mid night ice cream wasn't such a good idea. :S

What does that mean?

Forgive Pirate. She is random at times. Lovable, but random.

;)

_Yoda · Post by **_Yoda** » Wed Jan 30, 2008 1:16 am

charity wrote:I think you could change the circumstances and come up with what parents in bitter disputes do all the time. I have seen non-LDs couples do it with all kinds of situations. Individuals who have been hurt and betrayed often fall over the edge like that.

But I think the spouse who is leaving the faith bears a lot of responsiblity in how that happens.

I have a daughter, married in the temple, whose husband has left the Church. They have a strong and happy marriage. The husband remained respectful and supportive of her continued faith. They have family home evening, home teachers, he goes to Church to hear the kids speak or perform, does not complain about her attending the temple or doing her callings. He does not try to convince the children to leave the Church.

I also know a family that has broken up, the couple divorced, the dad with Wednesday night and every other weekend with a child. The husband decided the Church wasn't true, constantly harangued his wife over how stupid she was to stay with it, would complain at any effort she made in a church calling, would not allow home teachers, would not allow her to have family home evening.

It isn't about whether a person is a member of the Church or not. It is about respecting and loving your spouse and wanting them to be happy.

This is a really great example, Charity. And I think I have found a new signature. Truer words have never been spoken. This is great!

Post by **_asbestosman** » Wed Jan 30, 2008 1:16 am

Imwashingmypirate wrote:
Asbman wrote:I wonder, though, how someone would work things out if a spouse actually joined another church. Should the children attend the Lutherian and the Mormon services?

I find this question funny, maybe it was a slip up.

You do not specify which church in your preposition question and then specify in the following question.

Good catch. Actually, I had my mother-in-law in mind because initially her father was Lutheran while her mother was LDS. She switched off attended each for a while until her father let her just go to LDS services. I also heard that the Godmakers made him mad at his own church because he knew his wife's faith wasn't as bad as portrayed.

Also, he passed away a few days ago--a little before president Hinckley.

Post by **_Sethbag** » Wed Jan 30, 2008 3:39 am

I notice Charity's idea of mutual spousal respect is really just the exmo completely surrendering to the believer, including making sure the believer gets to raise up the kids as TBMs.

That's really a strange idea of respect.

Post by **_harmony** » Wed Jan 30, 2008 3:52 am

charity wrote:I think you could change the circumstances and come up with what parents in bitter disputes do all the time. I have seen non-LDs couples do it with all kinds of situations. Individuals who have been hurt and betrayed often fall over the edge like that.

But I think the spouse who is leaving the faith bears a lot of responsiblity in how that happens.

Why? People grow, people mature, people change their minds about all sorts of things. Why is changing one's mind about one's religion enough to validate breaking apart an otherwise happy marriage?

I'm a convert. I changed my mind about the religion I grew up in, in order to join the LDS church. If I had done that after I married a man of my former religion, what would my responsibility be to that relationship?

I have a daughter, married in the temple, whose husband has left the Church. They have a strong and happy marriage. The husband remained respectful and supportive of her continued faith. They have family home evening, home teachers, he goes to Church to hear the kids speak or perform, does not complain about her attending the temple or doing her callings. He does not try to convince the children to leave the Church.

What does she do, to show her support for him, for his beliefs? Does she allow him to teach their children what he views as the truth? Does she allow him equal time, to take the children to do what he wants to do on Sunday? Does she complain to him that he's not attending church or the temple?