unwell3398 wrote:This is my first post. Hi everybody!
I'm not trying to put anyone down in my response, it's just how I see it.
I've constantly heard members of a church (such as the Mormons) tell an ex-member that they've lost that glow they used to have, and that they don't seem as happy as before, even if that person is great. I think it's true that the perception is that the person isn't the same, because they're not, but not because they're unhappy or due to "losing the spirit."
When I was a Mormon, when I felt that I knew the truth and was special and above sin, I felt wonderful. It's like knowing a secret and being in this amazing club that makes you feel...special. When I started to truly use my head and heart and decided the church was not true, it was a shock to know that what I felt I knew wasn't true, and that those feelings were for nothing. Sure, I guess I didn't glow with "truth" anymore because I no longer felt like I had it. I just started my life all over again and was actually quite happy with all of the new experiences I was having. Of course, it's a different feeling than when you're in God's "one true church," but it's no less important, or real. And personally, I know in my heart I've been happier than I ever was as a member of the Mormon church.
Welcome to the board, unwell!
If there's one thing I've learned from this board, it's that consensual sex with multiple partners is okay unless God commands it. - Abman
I find this place to be hostile toward all brands of stupidity. That's why I like it. - Some Schmo
liz3564 wrote:Hmmm...."normal happiness"....LOL Since I don't know that any of us are "normal".... ;)
I think that someone who is truly happy is comfortable in his/her own skin. He/she has times that are hard, but basically, this person enjoys his/her family, friends, job, and has a good overall balance.
I have seen people who fit into this category who are both in and out of the Church. Frankly, though, I think that the external demands of the Church with callings, etc. can make this process more difficult to achieve.
I think the key is being able to push back and say "no", and not feel guilty about it. Once I was able to do that, my world at Church became a lot easier to manage.
I agree. When one can set personal boundaries like you said, "happiness" is achievable in any setting. What I hear you saying that is that you have an approach that is much healthier than many...you have your limits that work for you, and outside pressures won't change that. I find many LDSers can't say no -- thinking that if they are asked by a church leader, that is as good as God asking...a sad and poor assumption.
How often did the spirit prompt you to call someone vs "Oh, bro/sis so-and-so will do it! They NEVER say no!"??
If there's one thing I've learned from this board, it's that consensual sex with multiple partners is okay unless God commands it. - Abman
I find this place to be hostile toward all brands of stupidity. That's why I like it. - Some Schmo
liz3564 wrote:Hmmm...."normal happiness"....LOL Since I don't know that any of us are "normal".... ;)
I think that someone who is truly happy is comfortable in his/her own skin. He/she has times that are hard, but basically, this person enjoys his/her family, friends, job, and has a good overall balance.
I have seen people who fit into this category who are both in and out of the Church. Frankly, though, I think that the external demands of the Church with callings, etc. can make this process more difficult to achieve.
I think the key is being able to push back and say "no", and not feel guilty about it. Once I was able to do that, my world at Church became a lot easier to manage.
I agree. When one can set personal boundaries like you said, "happiness" is achievable in any setting. What I hear you saying that is that you have an approach that is much healthier than many...you have your limits that work for you, and outside pressures won't change that. I find many LDSers can't say no -- thinking that if they are asked by a church leader, that is as good as God asking...a sad and poor assumption.
How often did the spirit prompt you to call someone vs "Oh, bro/sis so-and-so will do it! They NEVER say no!"??
LOL...That's why I said that. I think most try to "feel inspired" with the calls they make...but it does often get to a point where you take who's available when you get desparate. And that is often!
Überzeugungen sind oft die gefährlichsten Feinde der Wahrheit.
[Certainty (that one is correct) is often the most dangerous enemy of the
truth.] - Friedrich Nietzsche
BishopRic wrote:[...]but it does often get to a point where you take who's available when you get desparate. And that is often!
G-d seems to often operate the same way. ;-)
Yep. There must have been a reeeeeal shortage of humble farmboys in the early 1800's.
...at least one with "previous experience" of treasure hunting!
Überzeugungen sind oft die gefährlichsten Feinde der Wahrheit.
[Certainty (that one is correct) is often the most dangerous enemy of the
truth.] - Friedrich Nietzsche
Scottie wrote:One thing I noticed is that when I left the church, EVERYONE was out to "prove" how wrong I was. They couldn't just leave me alone and let me out.
So, it quite often got confrontational. I felt like I was constantly being attacked and had to defend my decision.
Which led to, "You're just not happy. Look at how angry you are now!!"
Brings to mind that phrase, "they leave the church but can't leave it alone"... It's used against us, but people often don't see, many of those who leave the church just want to do so peacefully and not have to answer to church leaders, family, or friends.
Each one has to find his peace from within. And peace to be real must be unaffected by outside circumstances. -Ghandi
I'm not on the internet too much, and it's nice to get a welcome!
Not only is the Mormon church used against us when we leave, but it's difficult to "leave the church alone" because it's something ingrained in us, and when we see something we disagree with we now want to point it out. I've been railed against due to that, but they can point out everything they don't like about non or ex-mormons that they want!
unwell3398 wrote:Not only is the Mormon church used against us when we leave, but it's difficult to "leave the church alone" because it's something ingrained in us, and when we see something we disagree with we now want to point it out. I've been railed against due to that, but they can point out everything they don't like about non or ex-mormons that they want!
What can I say, I enjoy double standards.
---------
(Note to fellow Mormons: I will be having a discussion group this evening at my house where I will talk about how all ex-Mormons like to sin, and left because of that affinity for transgression. Followed by that I will talk about how the Aristotelian Trinity is a bunch of gobbely-gook. Brother Jones’ wives have been kind enough to volunteer to bring funeral potatoes and Jell-o with carrot shavings.)
"Some people never go crazy. What truly horrible lives they must lead." ~Charles Bukowski