harmony wrote:(although to be quite truthful, I think everyone carries baggage of some sort into every relationship)
I agree, but I think that there is some baggage I'm more prepared to deal with than others, and some of my baggage that others wouldn't be prepared to deal with.
Here's why I think I'm having knee jerks to this topic. I think that just knowing someone was abused does not correlate to this impacting this person necessarily. Knowing something about someone does not fill out the full spectrum of their personality, their life -- who they ARE. I think if someone has actions that make it a bumpy relationship that's one thing. Yet, someone that had a bump in the road in their past (that they are or have worked through) is quite different than someone still living it.
I just don't know if I see these being separated by some of the men on this board. If a woman was struck by a car and she had to limp about in a cast for a while would you dump her? Would you call off the wedding? That would more than likely impact the day to day than her having been molested 20+ years ago! I just think when SEX is involved the men have red flags flying. Why? Sex creates MORE of an emotional baggage then other issues people deal with in their life?
It's the sex that is the hang up... this is my honest opinion.
harmony wrote:(although to be quite truthful, I think everyone carries baggage of some sort into every relationship)
I agree, but I think that there is some baggage I'm more prepared to deal with than others, and some of my baggage that others wouldn't be prepared to deal with.
Here's why I think I'm having knee jerks to this topic. I think that just knowing someone was abused does not correlate to this impacting this person necessarily. Knowing something about someone does not fill out the full spectrum of their personality, their life -- who they ARE. I think if someone has actions that make it a bumpy relationship that's one thing. Yet, someone that had a bump in the road in their past (that they are or have worked through) is quite different than someone still living it.
I just don't know if I see these being separated by some of the men on this board. If a woman was struck by a car and she had to limp about in a cast for a while would you dump her? Would you call off the wedding? That would more than likely impact the day to day than her having been molested 20+ years ago! I just think when SEX is involved the men have red flags flying. Why? Sex creates MORE of an emotional baggage then other issues people deal with in their life?
It's the sex that is the hang up... this is my honest opinion.
It's sooooo damn superficial!
Can I get an AMEN from the congregation?!?!?!
Each one has to find his peace from within. And peace to be real must be unaffected by outside circumstances. -Ghandi
Moniker wrote:Here's why I think I'm having knee jerks to this topic. I think that just knowing someone was abused does not correlate to this impacting this person necessarily. Knowing something about someone does not fill out the full spectrum of their personality, their life -- who they ARE. I think if someone has actions that make it a bumpy relationship that's one thing. Yet, someone that had a bump in the road in their past (that they are or have worked through) is quite different than someone still living it.
I just don't know if I see these being separated by some of the men on this board. If a woman was struck by a car and she had to limp about in a cast for a while would you dump her? Would you call off the wedding? That would more than likely impact the day to day than her having been molested 20+ years ago! I just think when SEX is involved the men have red flags flying. Why? Sex creates MORE of an emotional baggage then other issues people deal with in their life?
It's the sex that is the hang up... this is my honest opinion.
It's sooooo damn superficial!
Sex is superficial to a romantic relationship?
"Surely he knows that DCP, The Nehor, Lamanite, and other key apologists..." -Scratch clarifying my status in apologetics "I admit it; I'm a petty, petty man." -Some Schmo
Moniker wrote:Here's why I think I'm having knee jerks to this topic. I think that just knowing someone was abused does not correlate to this impacting this person necessarily. Knowing something about someone does not fill out the full spectrum of their personality, their life -- who they ARE. I think if someone has actions that make it a bumpy relationship that's one thing. Yet, someone that had a bump in the road in their past (that they are or have worked through) is quite different than someone still living it.
I just don't know if I see these being separated by some of the men on this board. If a woman was struck by a car and she had to limp about in a cast for a while would you dump her? Would you call off the wedding? That would more than likely impact the day to day than her having been molested 20+ years ago! I just think when SEX is involved the men have red flags flying. Why? Sex creates MORE of an emotional baggage then other issues people deal with in their life?
It's the sex that is the hang up... this is my honest opinion.
It's sooooo damn superficial!
Sex is superficial to a romantic relationship?
Thinking that sex determines WHO someone IS = superficial you dingdong!
by the way, what experience do YOU have with sex in romantic relationships????!!!!
Moniker wrote:Thinking that sex determines WHO someone IS = superficial you dingdong!
by the way, what experience do YOU have with sex in romantic relationships????!!!!
It's a part of who they are, a pretty important part judging by our obsession with it.
None, and I plan to keep it that way until I can find someone with whom I want to change that status.
"Surely he knows that DCP, The Nehor, Lamanite, and other key apologists..." -Scratch clarifying my status in apologetics "I admit it; I'm a petty, petty man." -Some Schmo
Moniker wrote:Thinking that sex determines WHO someone IS = superficial you dingdong!
by the way, what experience do YOU have with sex in romantic relationships????!!!!
It's a part of who they are, a pretty important part judging by our obsession with it.
None, and I plan to keep it that way until I can find someone with whom I want to change that status.
Are you obsessed with it?? :)
I'm fairly FASCINATED with the mentality of LDS and ex-LDS when it comes to women and sexuality...
So do you think that when you marry a virgin on your wedding night she's a certain person and then a DIFFERENT person after she has sex?
Since it's a part of WHO they are it would seem that before sex she was one person and after another. Huh??
I'm not obsessed with it. I've dated girls with complex sexual pasts. Yes, I think someone is a different person before and after they have sex. Sex forms connections with people. I don't think anyone can have sex with someone without altering how they view the other person, for good or ill.
Experiences change people and sex is a heady experience. I don't mean by saying this to imply that it's a completely serious experience. There should be fun and playfulness involved. Still, yes, it changes the person participating in it. I really don't want to meet the person so jaded to it that it means nothing now.
I also don't think sex is alone as a life-changing experience. Having sex with someone for the first time, death of a family member, developing an exciting new hobby, developing an addiction, becoming closer to a friend. All these change the person involved for good or ill. I would describe people that are not changed by these experiences as less human and less alive, a tragedy.
"Surely he knows that DCP, The Nehor, Lamanite, and other key apologists..." -Scratch clarifying my status in apologetics "I admit it; I'm a petty, petty man." -Some Schmo