Turning Heads

[_KimberlyAnn]

For the past few years, I've been turning heads. Mormon heads. Turning them away from me.

Upon leaving the Mormon church, I experienced a lot of shunning from people in my former ward, and though much of it has subsided, there are still a few folks who will not acknowledge me at all. Our kids go to the same schools. We live in the same or adjoining neighborhoods. We run into each other at the store regularly. And every time I see them, I still attempt to be friendly. I smile. I wave. I say, "Hi!" But, their response is always the same. They turn their heads as if they cannot see me.

These are people whom I have helped move. I've taken them meals. Babysat their babies. Been to picnics with them and had their children over for sleepovers. And now, because I no longer attend the same church as them, they feel uncomfortable speaking to me. I'm very disappointed in them.

One of the folks who regularly snubs me once pulled in next to my car at a Sonic drive-in. They didn't recognize it, I guess. My window was down and when they looked my direction I waved. They didn't return the gesture. They pulled out of their space and moved to a new one far from me! I lie not.

The shunning of apostates isn't institutionalized in Mormonism. I don't claim that it is, though the Mormon church indirectly causes shunning by painting apostates as evil. Most of the Mormons in my neck of the woods are slowly becoming more friendly with me. But, I'm still surprised, and admittedly a bit stung, by the few who purposefully turn their heads when they see me. Their behavior makes me all the more thankful I left Mormonism.

From my participation on Mormon-themed BB's, I've learned that often apostates are either largely shunned, or harassed endlessly to return to the fold. I suppose, if I had to choose, I'd choose the shunning. Maybe I should count my blessings!

KA

[_Infymus]

KA, you should come over to the EMF and post these kinds of messages. You'll be well received.

Speaking of turning heads, wasn't it myself, shades and runtu all turning our heads to avoid looking down whilst carrying on a conversation with you and mishmag? Good times.

[_antishock8]

Un-shun!

Re-shun!

[_Sam Harris]

For the past few years, I've been turning heads. Mormon heads. Turning them away from me.

Upon leaving the Mormon church, I experienced a lot of shunning from people in my former ward, and though much of it has subsided, there are still a few folks who will not acknowledge me at all. Our kids go to the same schools. We live in the same or adjoining neighborhoods. We run into each other at the store regularly. And every time I see them, I still attempt to be friendly. I smile. I wave. I say, "Hi!" But, their response is always the same. They turn their heads as if they cannot see me.

And, in my opinion they're missing out on seeing one hell of a person. Not only are you glowing from being truly who you are, but you're beautiful, witty, intelligent...qualities that people NORMALLY gravitate to. It's sad that all of a sudden these things cannot be seen within you by people whom you've had connection with in the past, but I understand what you're going through.

I was always the "sweet spirit" (and in some ways I am now, most of the time not, though...I like being a gremlin). When I left, that 500+ people who sought me out to lift my spirits kind of fell through the woodwork. It hurt and confused me for a long time, because at first I thought they lied. I feel differently now, though...I am a sweet spirit...when I feel like being so. But I'm also a kaleidoscope of human qualities and emotions just like they are...none of us should be de-valued based on what our GPS location is on Sunday. That's bovine fecal matter.

These are people whom I have helped move. I've taken them meals. Babysat their babies. Been to picnics with them and had their children over for sleepovers. And now, because I no longer attend the same church as them, they feel uncomfortable speaking to me. I'm very disappointed in them.

Such behavior would make me angry. You're more mature than I am that you would stop at disappointment. I'd be furious.

One of the folks who regularly snubs me once pulled in next to my car at a Sonic drive-in. They didn't recognize it, I guess. My window was down and when they looked my direction I waved. They didn't return the gesture. They pulled out of their space and moved to a new one far from me! I lie not.

That's just some whacked out shiz...me, I'd have pulled my car right next to theirs again.

The shunning of apostates isn't institutionalized in Mormonism. I don't claim that it is, though the Mormon church indirectly causes shunning by painting apostates as evil. Most of the Mormons in my neck of the woods are slowly becoming more friendly with me. But, I'm still surprised, and admittedly a bit stung, by the few who purposefully turn their heads when they see me. Their behavior makes me all the more thankful I left Mormonism.

From my participation on Mormon-themed BB's, I've learned that often apostates are either largely shunned, or harassed endlessly to return to the fold. I suppose, if I had to choose, I'd choose the shunning. Maybe I should count my blessings!

KA

Sounds like the pressure kids get from the Amish during rumschpringe. Either conform, despite your reservations or we pretend you don't exist...

[_Yoda]

I mentioned this on the "Arguing with True Believers" thread, but I just want to say that those folks who are acting this way are completely deplorable.

I do not understand how you can refuse to at least be polite and friendly with someone in every day circumstances, especially when it is obvious that you have given of yourself to these folks.

I could never do that. If you're my friend, then you're my friend...period. End of story.

These people are acting very hypocritically. They are certainly not acting kind or Christian.

[_Doctor Steuss]

[...]
One of the folks who regularly snubs me once pulled in next to my car at a Sonic drive-in. They didn't recognize it, I guess. My window was down and when they looked my direction I waved. They didn't return the gesture. They pulled out of their space and moved to a new one far from me! I lie not.
[...]

That has got to be one of the silliest things I've ever heard. How old are these people, 12?

I would have just rolled up my window... no need to move the whole car.

[_KimberlyAnn]

I would have just rolled up my window... no need to move the whole car.

You're precious, Studdly!

Sam, I still say we are twins separated at birth! We'll ignore the fact that I was born a good ten years or more before you and that I don't have enough skin pigment. :)

Liz, you're right that their behavior isn't very kind, but I do place some of the blame for their bad behavior on the Mormon church itself. After all, if they believe the church line that apostates are wicked, can we really blame them for shunning those whom they believe to be evil? I dunno.

KA

[_Yoda]

Liz, you're right that their behavior isn't very kind, but I do place some of the blame for their bad behavior on the Mormon church itself. After all, if they believe the church line that apostates are wicked, can we really blame them for shunning those whom they believe to be evil? I dunno.

We are also taught that we are not to judge...Christ is the ultimate judge....The whole golden rule concept comes to mind. ;)

And since when are people who leave the Church wicked? I suppose if you were actively doing horrible things to Church members, there might be some foundation for that type of claim, but you hardly fall into that category.

Frankly, I don't think that these people should be let off the hook that easily. They are actively choosing to shun you. I have yet, in the 40+ years I have been a member of the LDS Church, been taught that I should shun ANYONE.

[Guest]

If someone is hurtful, harmful, to me I have great difficulty ever making the move to shun them -- but, eventually I do. There are people on this thread (OP too) horrified, apparently, that KA was shunned that do shun others that disagree with them -- telling them they won't read their posts anymore, etc... blah, blah, blah.

[_KimberlyAnn]

I don't think there's a problem with ignoring or shunning people who are purposefully hurtful. Sometimes we all have to do that for our own protection.

In most cases, apostates have neither injured, insulted or otherwise harmed the people who are shunning them. Ultimately, and erroneously, Mormons who shun ex-Mormons believe they are doing it for their own protection.

KA