Being a happy apostate

[_GoodK]

Excerpt from an email sent to me by a family member:

"I want you to be happy, as much as that is possible"

I took this statement to mean, because you are not an active member of the true church of god, you can't really be happy. At least not as happy as we are.

Maybe I am reading to much into this statement, or maybe it really is as condescending as it sounds to me. What do you think? Am I overreacting?

[_John Larsen]

You could chose to take it at face value and give them the benefit of the doubt.

[_LifeOnaPlate]

Mormons, former Mormons, never Mormons, we can all appreciate the need and search for happiness, realizing it's not always attainable (and perhaps that if you spend all your time absolutely happy there may be something wrong with you.) So, while the comment may seem insulting, if no insult was intended I see no reason to take it personal. (I try not to take many things personal as it is, especially with family, though.)

[_truth dancer]

Why not ask for further clarification?

Personally I think the comment was clearly meant to suggest you can't be as happy being a non-believer as you could if you were a believer. And yes, I think it is totally condescending.

But no need to take it personally. :-)

~dancer~

[_LifeOnaPlate]

Why not ask for further clarification?

Typically I think that open communication like that is positive. But you have to keep in mind this email is presumably coming from someone who sees Good K as a person who has lost his way, so to speak, so if he shows a defensive attitude it can feed into a stereotype that he is somehow paranoid, or sad, or evil, or what have you. So he'll have to play it right if he wants further clarification.

[_The Nehor]

Test your theory. In your next e-mail to them, include the same line.

[_antishock8]

Ahm, I would say, "Thanks for the good wishes, and that it feels good to live a life where the is no external pressure to be happy like one is told while in the Mormon church. Being as authentic as I can be has been the best thing that has ever happened to me. Thanks again."

As a secularist, or agnostic, the ability to be happy or be sad can, and should be, chalked up to many factors. Job, stress, money, weather, physiology, neurobiology, sex, food, etc... All play a role in one's happiness. Whether or not you can be happy or should be happy is a result of your environment, to include yourself, but it shouldn't be the end all/be all.

Me? Sometimes I'm happy. Sometimes I'm not. Sometimes my co-workers joke around. Sometimes they gripe. That doesn't make them anti-social or schizoid. It makes them human. Some people are cantankerous. Others are jovial. Some are conniving. Some are helpful. in my opinion, there is no formula or equation one can live by in order to maintain a sustained high of happiness. That is impossible. What's most important is that you feel like you're living a life as close to the terms you want to live by. Being authentic to who you are, to the degree you are able probably results in more satisfaction than not. Being something you are not over a sustained period most likely leads to serious psychological and behavioral disorders.

The bottom line is if the sum total of your life actions leads to a positive then continue on that course, no? Do more that I say...

edit: I do feel like the Mormon church puts undue or inadvertant pressure on its members to be happy, or appear happy, or strive for happiness through behaviorism all of which doesn't necessarily produce happiness, and sometimes causes some members distress since they feel like they're doing something wrong when the happiness doesn't come along.

[_Coca Cola]

I remember as a missionary thinking that the gospel message would bring so much happiness into others' lives. I've always believed Mormons must be the happiest people around.

But in reality, I've never really been made deliriously happy by the church. In fact, I would say my religious experience was more about fear and guilt than true happiness.

But, perhaps others feel differently.

[_LifeOnaPlate]

But, perhaps others feel differently.

not perhaps. I am at least one who can directly say your take isn't (never was) the case for me.

[_beastie]

I always felt guilty about not being a happy Mormon. First, I had "the one true gospel", how DARE I not be happy??? Second, the best missionaries are the shiny, happy people whom other people ask: What is SPECIAL about YOU??? Why are you such a shiny, happy person???? Tell me more about your religion!!