Tarski wrote"
Sorry to hear that.
I hope things get better for you and your family.
Thanks. They will in time.
To continue, I assume that what I experience is similar, but not necessarily identical, to what others experience.
I seem to exist in a phenomenal world: a world of matter that is formed into specific objects such a people, houses, automobiles, etc. I have the experience of being in direct contact with this world. In other words, when I pick up an object, I experience picking up that object directly. I experience it as being solid and having a specific recognizable shape. This is my experience, while at the same time I realize it is an illusion. The object is not necessarily what it appears to be and it is not apprehended directly. The sensors of my body, such as those for vision and touch, relay information about the object to my brain. I become conscious of the object only after the information has been processed in some way by my brain and made available in some way as a unified conscious experience. I do not know first hand what the object is actually like or if it even exists. I only experience what my brain has allowed me to experience. This is my phenomenal world.
I know when I am having an experience. Why do I think that experience is originating in my brain? Do I experience my brain directly or is my brain like all other phenomena? I suspect the latter. If this is the case, my brain is not necessarily what I experience it to be nor is it necessarily doing what I think it is doing. It may also be an illusion. I find this perplexing.
I am back to square one: I know that I exist and that I am having an experience of a phenomenal world. Does this phenomenal world exist in and of itself? For me, when I am conscious, this world exists. When I am unconscious, for me it ceases to exist. But does it really cease to exist? Others must be consciously experiencing their individual phenomenal worlds while I am unconscious. But they are not experiencing “my” phenomenal world. My phenomenal world seems to have been created specifically by or for me and to exist only when I am conscious.
I ask myself: "is this experience that I have a part of the phenomenal world or is it something else?" I am no longer certain that my brain is producing this experience. Maybe this experience exists separately from the phenomenal world. Maybe it is part of what is referred to as the noumenal world. In other words, maybe it is a noumenal experience.
Okay, maybe I have a noumenal experience (I exist) and I experience a phenomenal world. I think I have convinced myself that my phenomenal world does not exist in and of itself. And one thing seems apparent. Each individual experiences a unique phenomenal world. What is uncertain is whether there is a physical world that exists outside of each individual phenomenal world, and, if so, what that physical world would be like if I could experience it directly. I ask myself another question: "even though the phenomenal world I experience is unique to me, was it created for me by something material (i.e. my brain) from something material (i.e. a physical world) or did I create it
ex nihilo?"
The possibility exists that there is a physical world that exists in and of itself, with human bodies as a part of this physical world. Each human body in some way creates a phenomenal world and the experience of being conscious. This would not be true noumenal consciousness but rather pseudonoumenal consciousness. In other words, I have the experience of being conscious separate from the existence of my body, but this is only an illusion.
Which of these possibilities is correct? I conclude that I really can’t know one way or the other. My dilemma is kind of like the following Zen story:
“The great Taoist master Chuang Tzu once dreamt that he was a butterfly fluttering here and there. In the dream he had no awareness of his individuality as a person. He was only a butterfly. Suddenly, he awoke and found himself laying there, a person once again. But then he thought to himself, ‘Was I before a man who dreamt about being a butterfly, or am I now a butterfly who dreams about being a man?’”
Am I a physical being in a physical world having the experience of being conscious or, from within a noumenal world, am I consciously having the experience of a physical being existing within a physical world?