Mormons can't watch PG-13 movies either?

[_SatanWasSetUp]

Obviously G and PG movies are OK, R movies are off limits, so what do Mormons do about PG-13 movies? This story has arrived in our email about 4 times over the past 2 years, always from TBM family and friends. The title of the Email is A Lesson About Pornography. What do you think?

Homemade Brownies

Last week, I walked into my office to find a sandwich bag on my desk containing three chewy, tasty, homemade chocolate brownies. Some thoughtful and anonymous person who knew my love for tasty homemade brownies had placed them there, along with a hand written short story. I immediately sat down and began eating the first chewy, tasty, homemade brownie as I read the following story:

Two teenagers asked their father if they could go the theater to watch a movie that all their friends had seen. After reading some reviews about the movie on the Internet, he denied their request.

Come on dad, why not? They complained. The movie is rated PG-13, and we are both older than thirteen!

Dad replied: Because that movie contains nudity and portrays immorality as being normal and acceptable behavior.
But dad, those are just very small parts of the movie! That's what our friends who've seen it have told us. The movie is two hours long and those scenes are just a few minutes of the total film! It's based on a true story and good triumphs over evil, and there are other redeeming themes like courage and self-sacrifice. Even the movie review websites say that!

My answer is no and that is my final answer. You are welcome to stay home tonight, invite some of your friends over, and watch one of the good videos we have in our home collection. But you will not go and watch that film. End of discussion.

The two teenagers walked dejectedly into the family room and slumped down on the couch. As they sulked, they were surprised to hear the sounds of their father preparing something in the kitchen. They soon recognized the wonderful aroma of brownies baking in the oven, and one of the teenagers said to the other, 'Dad must be feeling guilty! , and now he's going to try to ma ke it up to us with some fresh brownies. Maybe we can soften him with lots of praise when he brings them out to us and persuade him to let us go to the movie he refused to let us see.'

About that time I began eating the second brownie from the sandwich bag and wondered if there was some connection to the brownies I was eating and the brownies in the story. I kept reading...

The teens were not disappointed. Soon their father appeared with a plate of warm brownies, which he offered to his kids. They each took one. Then their father said, before you eat, I want to tell you something: I love you both so much.

The teenagers smiled at each other with knowing glances. Dad was softening.
That is why I've made these brownies with the very best ingredients. I've made them from scratch. Most of the ingredients are even organic.

The best organic flour. The best free-range eggs. The best organic sugar. Premium vanilla and chocolate.

The brownies looked mouth-watering, and the teens began to become a little impatient with their dad's long speech.

But I want to be perfectly honest with you. There is one ingredient I added that is not usually found in brownies. I got that ingredient from our own back yard. But you don't need to worry, because I only added the tiniest bit of that ingredient to your brownies. The amount of the portion is practically insignificant. So go ahead, take a bite and let me know what you think.

Dad, would you mind telling us what that mystery ingredient is before we eat?
Why? The portion I added was so small. Just a teaspoonful. You won't even taste it.

Come on, dad; just tell us what that ingredient is.
Don't worry! It is organic, just like the other ingredients.

Dad!

Well, OK, if you insist. That secret ingredient is fresh organic...dog poop.

I immediately stopped chewing that second brownie and I spit it out into the wastebasket by my desk. I contin ued reading, now fearful of the paragraphs that still remained.

Both teens instantly dropped their brownies back on the plate and began inspecting their fingers with horror.

DAD! Why did you do that? You've tortured us by making us smell those brownies cooking for the last half hour, and now you tell us that you added dog poop! We can't eat these brownies!

Why not? The amount of dog poop is very small compared to the rest of the ingredients. It won't hurt you. It's been cooked right along with the other ingredients. You won't even taste it. It has the same consistency as the brownies. Go ahead and eat!

No, Dad...NEVER!

And that is the same reason I won't allow you to go watch that movie. You won't tolerate a little dog poop in your brownies, so why should you tolerate a little immorality in your movies? We pray that God will not lead us unto temptation, so how can we in good conscience entertain ourselves with something that will imprint a si nful image in our minds that will lead us into temptation long after we first see it?

I discarded what remained of the second brownie as well as the entire untouched third brownie. What had been irresistible a minute go had become detestable. And only because of the very slim chance that what I was eating was slightly polluted. (Surely it wasn't...but I couldn't convince myself.)

[_asbestosman]

I hope those kids don't read the old testament or look at facsimile 2 of the Book of Abraham.

[_Who Knows]

If the movie was "cloverfield", then i'd agree with the dad. It was worse than dogpoop.

Funny story. I should be getting that email from the family any day now...

[Guest]

Obviously G and PG movies are OK, R movies are off limits, so what do Mormons do about PG-13 movies? This story has arrived in our email about 4 times over the past 2 years, always from TBM family and friends. The title of the Email is A Lesson About Pornography. What do you think?

The two teenagers walked dejectedly into the family room and slumped down on the couch.

The story changes from the faith-promoting written account at this point. After the teenagers slumped down on the couch, they decided to tell their father that they were going to see Nim's Island. Their father dropped them off at the theatre and told them he'd be back to pick them up in a couple of hours. "Enjoy the movie!" The teenagers bought tickets for Nim's Island but instead snuck into the theatre that was playing What Happens in Vegas. Both teenagers just love Ashton Kucher. He is hilarious and adorable. The movie wasn't as bad as their father made it out to be. They no longer trusted anything he told them, anything he warned them about. After the movie, instead of getting a ride home with their loving father, they walked a few blocks downtown and found a drug dealer. They followed him into an alley where he showed them how to mainline heroine. They became instant addicts, stealing their parents' money and credit cards, slaves to the H. They did anything to get that peaceful, easy feeling.

[_Sethbag]

Yeah, I've heard the dogpoop thing before. It's stupid.

Now, how about turn this one around on the TBMs?

Joseph Smith's lying to Emma about polygamy is just a little bit of dog poop in his otherwise brownie-esque church. Still think you should eat it?

Joseph Smith's adultery with dozens of young women is just a little bit of dog poop in the brownie of his church. Still hungry?

He made up the Book of Abraham while representing it as the translation of some Egyptian funeral spells, but that's just a little bit of dog poop in the brownies. Still want a bite?

The whole Kirtland banking scandal is just a little bit of dog poop, but the rest of the brownies is just fine, I assure you!

Really, there are so many aspects of Joseph Smith's life and career that add up to little bits of dog poop, and you'll get LDS sometimes to even admit that, but then they'll turn around and say hey, how do you know what God's standards are for his own prophets?

Well here's the bottom line. You'd imagine that God making a church, a Prophet, a set of scriptures, etc. would require at least as much discrimination in the choice of ingredients as making a pan of brownies. After all, it is for human "consumption". Now imagine God puts in some little bits of dog poop, a little lark's vomit, a little pus, a little bit of something he picked up off a road-killed skunk, and added them all to the brownies. You still want to eat the brownies? Really?

It utterly amazes me how LDS people argue for rejecting almost anything produced by our culture on the grounds that certain elements are like bits of dog poop in the brownies, but then, once they're aquainted with what Joseph Smith did, they excuse it all away and accuse us of presentism, requiring infallible, perfect beings as prophets, etc. The doublethink is transparently obvious.

[_Scottie]

Once again Seth proves why he is one of my favorite posters.

[_Dr. Shades]

Joseph Smith's adultery with dozens of young women is just a little bit of dog poop in the brownie of his church. Still hungry?

Sethbag, you're a genius! But I suppose you already knew that.

It utterly amazes me how LDS people argue for rejecting almost anything produced by our culture on the grounds that certain elements are like bits of dog poop in the brownies, but then, once they're aquainted with what Joseph Smith did, they excuse it all away and accuse us of presentism, requiring infallible, perfect beings as prophets, etc. The doublethink is transparently obvious.

Good points. The father in this story wouldn't dream of requiring his prophets to be infallible, but then he turns right around and requires, of all things, his movies to be infallible?

[_Sethbag]

Thanks guys, and thanks Shades for my new sig line.

[_cksalmon]

All this assumes that there's something wrong with doodoo brownies.

[_The Dude]

If the movie was "cloverfield", then I'd agree with the dad. It was worse than dogpoop.

Funny story. I should be getting that email from the family any day now...

Oh, it wasn't that bad. I kind of liked it.