Why I Left / Breaking the News

[_KimberlyAnn]

This may bring a bit of ridicule my way, but I believed, at one time, that God brought me out of Mormonism. I'm not sure I still believe that, but the conviction was once quite strong. I began questioning Mormonism while studying the New Testament in Gospel Doctrine class. I began to feel more and more ill at ease with certain doctrines, and decided to do more research. I was stunned by what I found, and my shelf of doubts became heavier and heavier, straining to remain intact. I prayed night and day, more than I'd ever before prayed in my life, for God to restore my full testimony.

After a few weeks, I was an emotional wreck. I like surety. And I was no longer sure of anything. I was too afraid to mention my doubts to my husband, so I remained silent about them until one Saturday--a General Conference Saturday. I was praying that morning, desperately seeking an answer from God that would save my faith in the Mormon church. But it never came. So, finally, I asked God if I was praying for the wrong thing. Perhaps Mormonism wasn't true at all, and God couldn't confirm a false testimony? So, I prayed a different prayer that morning, telling God that I'd accept any answer He had, and that if Mormonism weren't true, I would never go back. I opened up my Bible randomly and it fell open to Isaiah 43, wherein I read verses 10-14.

10 “You are My witnesses,” declares the LORD,
“And My servant whom I have chosen,
So that you may know and believe Me
And understand that I am He.
Before Me there was no God formed,
And there will be none after Me.
11 “I, even I, am the LORD,
And there is no savior besides Me.
12 “It is I who have declared and saved and proclaimed,
And there was no strange god among you;
So you are My witnesses,” declares the LORD,
“And I am God.
13 “Even from eternity I am He,
And there is none who can deliver out of My hand;
I act and who can reverse it?”

I was immediately struck with the fact that I had been, for my whole life, a polytheist. The scriptures I read pierced me to the core that morning, and I felt that the answer to my prayer was clear: the Mormon church was not true. And, I had to keep my promise to God. I could never go back.

I told my husband, Tom, that I didn't feel like watching conference that afternoon. That I felt sick. (It was utterly true!) But, he wasn't having it. I had to watch. So I did. But I resented it.

That evening, I knew I had to tell Tom that I no longer believed in Mormonism, but I needed to think of a way. So, I went to the place where I do my best thinking: the jacuzzi bath. I was in there sobbing and praying and trying to find a way to tell Tom so that he wouldn't immediately divorce me when he walked into the bathroom.

"What's wrong with you?"

I couldn't hold anything back. The floodgates were opened.

"The church isn't true! I don't believe in it and I'm never going back."

I could see his knees buckle a little. He was shocked. The first thing he did was go to the Bishop's house, which was down the street, and tattle on me. Then he came home and threw all my clothes out of the closet and said I had to get out--that he wouldn't have me tainting his children. I said I'd go and began packing my bags--but I would tell my children whatever I wanted to tell them and that having me out of the house wouldn't stop me. He hesitatingly let me stay so that he could, as he said, "monitor" me.

Things were hellish for quite a while, but I held my ground and never once went back to church, no matter what threats were leveled at me. I didn't believe it and I wasn't backing down.

Eventually, Tom left the church, too, and my four young daughters, as well.

Perhaps shocking one's spouse as I did isn't the best idea, but I do believe being upfront and holding one's ground is important. It kept things simple during a difficult time, and the lines I drew were clear. No one was confused or filled with false hope and I didn't feel disingenuous for going along with things I didn't believe.

There will undoubtedly be more times in my life where being upfront, honest and holding my ground will be important. I think it was important back when I left the church and I'm glad I took the route I did. I do not regret a thing. I hope I have the courage to do it again when I need to.

There probably isn't one best way to tell a spouse. But I think going against one's convictions is a poor idea no matter what the scenario. Perhaps it depends on the strength of the conviction? I don't know. I do know I couldn't have done it any other way.

KA

[_antishock8]

Eventually, Tom left the church, too, and my four young daughters, as well.

Perhaps shocking one's spouse as I did isn't the best idea, but I do believe being upfront and holding one's ground is important. It kept things simple during a difficult time, and the lines I drew were clear. No one was confused or filled with false hope and I didn't feel disingenuous for going along with things I didn't believe.

Good for you, KA. It's hard to put yourself out there, and you will catch a little flack from the usual rogue's gallery. But, your story is important, and it's for the people that lurk, or are in the middle of processing themselves through a difficult time.

[_TygerFang]

Wow, that's really something. I think that you did the right thing, and you were good to your family by not trying to lead them on or anything.

Do you mind if I ask; was it harder before you made your choice to leave the church and tell your husband (when you still had all those doubts), or just after when you had to tell them and live with it. If it's rude to ask or you don't want to answer feel free not to.

[_The Nehor]

Your husband was a jackass.

[_KimberlyAnn]

Wow, that's really something. I think that you did the right thing, and you were good to your family by not trying to lead them on or anything.

Do you mind if I ask; was it harder before you made your choice to leave the church and tell your husband (when you still had all those doubts), or just after when you had to tell them and live with it. If it's rude to ask or you don't want to answer feel free not to.

Hi, TygerFang.

For me, things were the most difficult just before I made the choice to leave the church. Internal angst cuts me to the quick.

But, please don't presume that what I did will work for you, TF. You are very young. I've a daughter two years younger than you, and she still sits on my lap! (Though she's a couple of inches taller than me now.)

I believe you're still subject to your parents and should be respectful of them. Announcing, like I did (as an adult in my own home, mind you) that you've lost your testimony and are never going back to church may not get you the results you want. You are a minor and live under their roof.

I'm not saying you shouldn't share your doubts and feelings with them. You should! I'm just saying that you're not in the position to make too many demands or draw any unmovable lines in the sand.

I know it's not easy. I've been there. ;)

KA

[_Jersey Girl]

For what reason did you think your post would bring ridicule your way, KA?

[_bcspace]

I opened up my Bible randomly and it fell open to Isaiah 43, wherein I read verses 10-14.

Ah! Then it's Biblical illiteracy (on top of sin) that caused your downfall. Though known to the prophets (such as Deut 32:7-9) the Father was not really introduced to the Old Testament Israelites. Jehovah (Jesus) was their only God (the context of the Isa 40-45 set). And thus you have the name titles of Jesus, being the Father (creator and author of our salvation) and the Son.

But notice that Jesus himself has a God (John 20:17).

Your problem is not LDS, it's evangelical!

lol

[_skippy the dead]

For what reason did you think your post would bring ridicule your way, KA?

Maybe something like bcspace's smug accusations of KA's "sin" and biblical illiteracy?

[_bcspace]

For what reason did you think your post would bring ridicule your way, KA?

Maybe something like bcspace's smug accusations of KA's "sin" and biblical illiteracy?

From experience, I tend to take these exit stories with a huge grain of salt. There are more excuses than truth.

[_Yoda]

For what reason did you think your post would bring ridicule your way, KA?

Maybe something like bcspace's smug accusations of KA's "sin" and biblical illiteracy?

From experience, I tend to take these exit stories with a huge grain of salt. There are more excuses than truth.

You really are an ass, BC. Even Nehor was sympathetic to KA's point of view.

How do you know what she has been through, and how dare you insinuate that she is exaggerating?