Did you lose your "best friends" over leaving?

Post by **_John Larsen** » Mon Jul 07, 2008 2:50 pm

I don't think I "lost" any relationships, but some of them have become strained and stilted. I did have some rather nasty (and untrue) gossiping occur at my last place of employment by members when I left the Church.

Post by **_Thama** » Mon Jul 07, 2008 3:18 pm

No.

Reason #253,534,901 that I'm incredibly happy not to ever have lived in Utah.

Post by **_The Dude** » Mon Jul 07, 2008 4:53 pm

I didn't loose any friends because of leaving the church. We all changed after high school and our missions, got married, started careers... that was enough. They may not even know I've lost belief, except for two who were always flaky anyway, and probably wouldn't have remained good friends once keeping in touch became inconvenient. That's the way my circle of friends turned out. My 20 year HS reunion is coming up, which I might attend, and there I shall see who knows and who cares about my situation.

I never made a "friend" at BYU. All my adult friends have been non-LDS.

Family is more important anyway.

Post by **_Mercury** » Tue Jul 08, 2008 4:14 am

Scottie wrote:One other thing that I have noticed as well...

Those that leave the church and take it upon themselves to educate their member friends of all the dirt they have just uncovered will soon find that the member friends don't want to hang out with them any more. The apostate then blames the member friends for being too self-righteous and blinded by the stupid cult. The friends are just sick of hearing it.

and you speak as if it is the exmormon who is at fault for breaking the friendship. You remind me of the type of person who would feel guilty if you were to tell someone their spouse was cheating on them.

Post by **_Mercury** » Tue Jul 08, 2008 4:15 am

Droopy wrote:
Those that leave the church and take it upon themselves to educate their member friends of all the dirt they have just uncovered will soon find that the member friends don't want to hang out with them any more.

Really? What a revelation. Have you published this in the Archives of General Psychiatry yet?

Go back to working the coal seams, Coggy.

Post by **_Sam Harris** » Tue Jul 08, 2008 3:27 pm

My experience was that those who were my true friends stayed that after I left the church. I only had "run-ins" with three people, they are extremely TBM, but we've maintained our friendship. I love them for who they are, they love me for who I am...because I've made it clear that if they're sticking around waiting for my re-conversion, they're up the creek.

I had a lot of people tell me what a "sweet spirit" I was (hell, I am until you make me mad), but when I left the church it seemed as if all of my actions became suspect.

Some of my truest and most reliable friends are LDS. They seem to value the person more than the activities you can do together. I have a few girlfriends in my life that I've drifted from simply because I can't go play with them all the time now. To me, friendship is more than going out.

Post by **_Sam Harris** » Tue Jul 08, 2008 3:28 pm

Scottie wrote:One other thing that I have noticed as well...

Those that leave the church and take it upon themselves to educate their member friends of all the dirt they have just uncovered will soon find that the member friends don't want to hang out with them any more. The apostate then blames the member friends for being too self-righteous and blinded by the stupid cult. The friends are just sick of hearing it.

Quite true.

Post by **_Sam Harris** » Tue Jul 08, 2008 3:32 pm

Mercury wrote:
Scottie wrote:One other thing that I have noticed as well...

Those that leave the church and take it upon themselves to educate their member friends of all the dirt they have just uncovered will soon find that the member friends don't want to hang out with them any more. The apostate then blames the member friends for being too self-righteous and blinded by the stupid cult. The friends are just sick of hearing it.

and you speak as if it is the exmormon who is at fault for breaking the friendship. You remind me of the type of person who would feel guilty if you were to tell someone their spouse was cheating on them.

Oh quit it. There is a time and place for everything, and if your happiness depends on letting every Mormon know that they're living a LIE AND A FRAUD, then there is something personally wrong with you.

I do not spend time debating the church with my friends. I have accepted that they have chosen their path, and many had the same concerns I had, but made different choices.

Respect is mutual.

Post by **_antishock8** » Tue Jul 08, 2008 4:45 pm

It's so hard for people who have Mormonism as a central component in their lives to stay connected on common ground when one goes 'ex'. I don't blame any of my friends for distancing themselves from me, just as I wouldn't want them to blame me for choosing a different life path. We just didn't have that much in common any more. I still think highly of them, whether or not they feel the same toward me.

Post by **_Runtu** » Tue Jul 08, 2008 4:49 pm

Not really. Things are a little, well, awkward with a few of my LDS friends, mostly because they don't really know what to say to me. It's like the elephant in the living room. But my closest friends are still my closest friends. My best friend, whom I have known since I was 5 years old, is still my best friend. He works at the COB, but he's not really a believer in Mormonism, so nothing has changed, other than I'm no longer the one trying to help him maintain his faith the church. My other closest friend is a former mission companion who no longer believes in Mormonism.