I think this dispute should be dealt with in a more civilized fashion. I advise this guide to help:
http://www.wikihow.com/Fight-a-Duel-%28 ... ern-Way%29
Throughout the centuries, gentlemen have resorted to duelling to settle accounts. A duel is a fight between two gentlemen which resolves an argument and restores honour. Although illegal to duel with pistols, swords and in any manner that results in death or physical injury to an opponent, it is still possible to duel with a fellow gentleman when disagreement arises. If you and a friend feel that the gentlemanly way to resolve a dispute is to have a good sense of humour, a willingness to be judged by others as to the outcome of the dispute and a sense of history, modern duelling may just be for you.
Steps
1. React with decorum to a perceived slight. A gentleman should never be drawn into a spur of the moment brawl or street fight. Perhaps you have misinterpreted a comment or simply got the wrong end of the stick? Think it over. But if the slight is too much to bear, as a modern day gentleman, you must find other means by which to resolve the anger from a simmering feud and perhaps a modern day duel is the answer for you.
2. Arrange for a neutral observer or more to aid your duelling. Select a friend or group of friends not party to the feud. Have the neutral friend(s) regulate the duel and to declare the winner.
3. Fight a duel in a gentlemanly fashion so that on both sides honour may be satisfied. Duelling with swords or pistols these days is neither practical nor efficacious. Instead, modern duelling calls for a makeover of the means by which the modern gentleman can settle disputes. For starters, a modern gentleman who feels slighted can demand satisfaction. Simply say "Sir, I demand satisfaction!" The acceptance to this should be "Then, you shall have it Sir!" Remember that the culture of duelling developed so that gentlemen could remain polite at all times. When demanding satisfaction, there is no reason to do so angrily or aggressively.
4. Try modern techniques for duelling. The modern gentleman can adapt modern pursuits for the purpose of duelling:
Thumb war: This simple game is an excellent modern alternative to traditional duelling, as there is no bloodshed. Both duellists curl the forefingers of their right hands, then grip each others' hand. The duellists look each other in the eye and recite "one, two, three, four, I declare thumb war." They then attempt to capture each other's thumb between their thumb and fist. The first to hold the other's thumb for a count of three is pronounced the winner of the duel and honour is satisfied.
Talent competition: Each duellist must pick a talent of their choice and perform it to the best of their ability. The winner of this talent duel is decided by friends or bystanders offering their scores or loudest cheers.
Challenge your rival to a computer game. Follow the rules of the game to determine who is the winner.
Play a board game. Choose one that challenges their vocabulary and intellect. That should decide the matter in question.
5. Pepper your language with well-mannered expletives during your duel. Phrases such as "Have at You!", "Damme!" and "En garde, good sir!" will add to the experience for both duellists and spectators.
6. Be satisfied that honour has been restored. Once the duel is completed, a gentleman moves on and forgets and forgives. Resume the friendship from where it left off and be glad that both of you have an enduring sense of humour and enjoyment of one another's company.
"Surely he knows that DCP, The Nehor, Lamanite, and other key apologists..." -Scratch clarifying my status in apologetics
"I admit it; I'm a petty, petty man." -Some Schmo