Who Knows wrote:Totally agree - it shouldn't even be an issue at all.
Utah county won't change though, unless we apostates stand up for ourselves. My wife works with a lot of people within the community (in a couple of different roles), and she's openly 'non-lds'. Hasn't had any problems at all. In fact, there's more of 'us' out there than most people probably know...
Perhaps this is becoming more tolerable.
However, I still hear people say, "Oh, he can be trusted. He's Mormon."
If there's one thing I've learned from this board, it's that consensual sex with multiple partners is okay unless God commands it. - Abman
I find this place to be hostile toward all brands of stupidity. That's why I like it. - Some Schmo
I had my name removed in April. It was an integrity issue. I felt the weight of deciept lifted from my shoulders as I can be honest when people ask whether or not I am a Mormon.
1 - Although I knew it would break my parents' hearts, I wanted them to stop hoping. As long as I was still on the rolls, they seemed to think that I was just going through a phase and if they said just the right thing, prayed just the right way, or sent me the right faith-promoting article, that I would come back. I thought the short term pain of having my name removed was better than the long term pain of pointless hope. Plus, I wanted our relationship to be able to get over it and move on. It worked, by and large.
2 - I left before my children were of baptismal age, so I wanted my name to be taken totally off the rolls so my kids wouldn't be on primary rolls anymore. I didn't want any more phone calls inviting the kids to primary events. I didn't want people to start visiting my kids when they were older.
3 - I wanted members of the ward to stop calling me periodically, to stop sending missionaries periodically. I thought that getting my name off the rolls would do this. (I also requested no contact, but they've never respected that.) Having my name removed did reduce the number of contacts, but surprisingly hasn't eliminated it. I've gotten phone calls from a new bishop (that I'd never met, in a newly created ward that didn't exist before) and a relief society president since having my name taken off the rolls. They both claimed my name was still on their roll. I called SLC to find out for sure, they assured me my name was off the rolls. I have no idea why my name is apparently still circulated on some local wards. But it did reduce the number of contacts.
4 - As others have said, it was a matter of integrity to me. I also didn't want to count on their inflated number counts.
OTOH, my boyfriend never had his name removed from rolls. He felt like it would hurt his family too much. But they have persisted with attempts at reactivation with him more than my family has with me, too, so I think my point one was correct.
We hate to seem like we don’t trust every nut with a story, but there’s evidence we can point to, and dance while shouting taunting phrases.
beastie wrote:2 - I left before my children were of baptismal age, so I wanted my name to be taken totally off the rolls so my kids wouldn't be on primary rolls anymore. I didn't want any more phone calls inviting the kids to primary events. I didn't want people to start visiting my kids when they were older.
4 - As others have said, it was a matter of integrity to me. I also didn't want to count on their inflated number counts.
Who Knows wrote:For the ex/anti/former - mos out there. Why have, or haven't, you had your name removed from the church?
I'm currently debating this right now. We recently moved homes, but we're still in utah county. Though it's not a big deal, it's slightly annoying that people ask us about church, or make comments about church, and i'm not able to say "we're not members of the LDS church". For now, we just have to say something like "we don't go to church any more".
Or, the bishop - i feel like he already knows a lot about us (since he's talked to our former bishop). I find that slightly annoying.
Wouldn't it be much better/easier to just simply say "we're not Mormons"? Right now, it's like we have to explain why we don't go to church any more.
What do ya'll think? Why haven't some of you evil apostates had your names removed?
For those with your names removed - what are the cons? The only one i can think of is causing my parents heartache (since i know they'll see it when they get their member records at tithing settlement time).
I've never had to make a decision either way because was ex'd. But that doesn't stop me from having an opinion, of course, which is (first) that there is no one answer for everyone and what anyone decides is fine. Second, that we give power to the church by playing by their rules. We decide when we leave the church, whether our names are on the roles or not. in my opinion, you can honestly say "we've left the church" or "we're not Mormons" simply because you've left the church in your hearts, whether the church has been part of the process or not. So go for it.
"Finally, for your rather strange idea that miracles are somehow linked to the amount of gay sexual gratification that is taking place would require that primitive Christianity was launched by gay sex, would it not?"
My sentiments concur with all you that have given your reasoning for leaving or wanting to leave.
When people ask me if I'm LDS, I can now say "no". I feel a sense of relief that I am no more guilty by association. Let me explain:
Ultimately, I resigned because Joseph Smith did not represent my moral and ethical values. I could not honestly bear witness of the man that used to be my hero. I would have gladly taken a bullet for him or any other prophet if I were called upon. But then I discovered that he and those that covered his duplicity betrayed my trust and I was deeply affected by it. A leader is only as effective as his example. Who does not know this?
To me, to live a lie is the ultimate burden. To liberate myself from the lie has begun the healing process and I'm beginning feel some balance return into my life.
It has also been refreshing, that feeling that I can now meet everyone on a more common ground. I have revoked the expressed and implied authority given to men to act upon me. It seemed irresponsible of me to permit my peers to eventually excommunicate me. Now, no leader expressed any intention to ex me, however, I had made my lack of disbelief and contempt known to the stake president and it was just a matter of time when I would officially be branded a non-sheep.
I've mentioned this in other posts, but for the most part, I might be seen by members that do not know I used to be a Mormon as "a Golden Contact" or a "dry Mormon". Nearly all of my clients are not Mormon and do not live in my town. Non Mormons still ask me if I am Mormon just because of all of the clues (peaceable and honest walk, 5 kids, still married, LIVE IN MESA). I have only rejected the part of Mormonism that is unique to the religeon. Think about that for a moment.
The cons?
1) My mother has disowned me for about 3 years now. During this time she served a 2 year mission with her husband. Not one correspondence. Not particularly kind of her. Evidently, the church was our relationship
2) My marriage relationship is now best described as "fragile". If I will just be nice, she is willing to remain married to me for time - knowing full well that there is no way in hell I will return to call Smith blessed. She isn't fond of the thought of being pawned off in celestial polygamy and posibly not ending up a first wife because of this choice to stay with me.
3) Presently, my relationship with our children is strained. 2 TBM teenagers, 3 inactive disaffected. We all used to be TBM.
4) I miss the social aspect. The leaders haven't planned any outings around the use of our boat for 2 1/2 years. It was fun. I miss teaching the young adults, my scouts & the adventures, Gospel Doctrine teaching Book of Mormon & New Testament, home teaching, priesthood blessings. I always thought the temple was queer but I enjoyed being with my friends even if it was there.
5) I miss what I thought were good friendships. Most were seriously flawed and superficial - and I'm not willing to blame them.
6) My wife and 2 active children are without their father on Sunday. It's freaking embarrassing for them to sit alone.
7) Not everyone will talk to my wife and my older kids were treated with less love - BECAUSE they are somehow they are infected by association.
8) I am not a lost sheep or even a sheep anymore. I have somehow morphed into a wolf. I disagree with their assesment.
9) One self righteous Mormon has refused to pay a bill for services rendered ($5k). He is one of two dirtbags I have been unable to collect from in 20 years. "I can't trust you if you don't believe Joseph Smith was a prophet of God"
10 I miss the perceived certainty of "the plan of happiness". But I'd rather continue to seek truth than to settle for anything less.
inc.
Last edited by Guest on Fri Aug 01, 2008 8:40 am, edited 1 time in total.
I can empathise with the pain of it all. Whether you do it or not, it sucks all around.
Big Time. I lost my family really.
What little we have together, is so strained that it really is uncomfortable. It's not very fun being the black sheep (male, Mel. priesthood, married in temple). :(
They have never gotten over it and they will never give up. Sigh.
I detest my loose style and my libertine sentiments. I thank God, who has removed from my eyes the veil... Adrian Beverland