To remove or not remove?

[_Inconceivable]

Why haven't some of you evil apostates had your names removed?

..most people report it being a long, bureaucratic odyssey, and life is just too short for that. I don't really think about my status; I've left the church behind, and I am happier than ever. But technically...I'm still a member.

Hally,

Resignation was a simple process:

Member Records Division, LDS Church
50 E. North Temple, room 1372
Salt Lake City, Utah 84150-5310
phone: 801.240.1427

1) Last April, I wrote a Letter of Resignation to church records stating that I no longer desired to be a member and requested my name be removed. I insisted on no more than a 30 day turnaround unless they wished to make this a very public matter. I also waved my right to further dialog.

Make this letter short. They don't care about your reasons. They don't care. I sent the notorized letter certified mail with copies to both the Stake President and Bishop. I included a kind letter to each of these guys (I also told my wife that day as well - it was a dark day for her).

The SP called me the following day and asked if he could visit myself and family (in the place of the bishopric that had made their yearly appointment to visit for that evening). The SP apologised over and over for he and our ward not being there for me and my family (he was another one of my friends I hadn't heard from for nearly a year). He took it very personally and beat himself up about it. Oh well.

2) I got a letter back from church records stating that this was an "eclesiastical matter" and that my letter was forwarded to the SP

3) One more certified letter (with a copy of the first) stating I wished no further contact and that the SP was already aware. Just get it done, quit stalling etc. They did not care. I received no answer.

4) On day 30 the SP called and asked if he could visit with me. I assured him that I would be pleased to visit with him after he had processed the resignation - which he agreed. A few days later I called and asked about the progress. He said it was done and that a letter had been mailed to me.

5) I got a boilerplate letter stating that my resignation was complete. Don't expect any expressions of gratitude for your years of sacrifice and the tens of thousands in faithful tithing payments to support their habits...

It was a 40 day process.

I've since enjoyed the company of the SP. I have yet to hear from my friend, the Bishop, for nearly 1 1/2 years.

[_truth dancer]

I think it is weird that an LDS non-believer has to officially resign to stop being considered a member. Do other churches and organizations make someone officially resign with a letter and an interview in order to not be considered a member?

Actually, I think if one doesn't believe and doesn't want to call themselves a member of any organization, they are free to just say they are no longer a member and be done with it. But I get that in the LDS church it is not so simple; and I get the need for some people to officially resign and be free and clear of the church or any other org they do not want to associate with.

Like others have said I think it is a very individual thing.


~dancer~

[_beastie]

Um, I'm afraid I have some very bad news for you. . .

Yeah, I've read that before. Remember, I was providing my reasoning at the time, and I didn't suspect, back then, that not only would I continue to be contacted (albeit much less so), but I'd probably be continued to be counted as a member. I suspect my three never-baptized children are probably counted, as well, although the most that they know about the Mormon church came from the South Park episode.

[_beastie]

To inc and others who have suffered so much loss for their integrity:

This is, without a doubt, one of the cruelest elements of the LDS faith. It harps constantly on the importance of families, but creates a culture in which the family can be utterly destroyed by one member's loss of faith. The family becomes a sort of hostage - remain faith, or else.

by the way, in regards to this:

9) One self righteous Mormon has refused to pay a bill for services rendered ($5k). He is one of two dirtbags I have been unable to collect from in 20 years. "I can't trust you if you don't believe Joseph Smith was a prophet of God"

I hope at least you took his arse to court.

[_Hally McIlrath]

Hally,

...

It was a 40 day process.

See, that, to me, is a "long, bureaucratic process." They're like Ennis, from Brokeback Mountain: "I don't know how to quit you."

They don't have to quit me; I've already fired them. If they want to consider us still in a relationship, that's fine...but they're in that relationship all by themselves.

In a way, too, I become an object lesson that says, quite blatantly, their numbers are inflated with ranks of unbelievers.

[_TrashcanMan79]

I suspect my three never-baptized children are probably counted, as well, although the most that they know about the Mormon church came from the South Park episode.

Which, incidentally, might make their knowledge of the history of the church more complete than some Mormons'. True story: I was talking to my dad earlier this week (he's in his 50s, lifelong active member, temple recommend carrier, has served in bishopric, etc), and I mentioned head-in-the-hat. His exact words: "Where did you get that from?!" He'd never heard of it. Ever.

I sent him the link to the South Park episode so he could get himself edumucated.

[_Who Knows]

Inconceivable - thanks for the response bro. Best of luck to you in your moving on.

This is, without a doubt, one of the cruelest elements of the LDS faith. It harps constantly on the importance of families, but creates a culture in which the family can be utterly destroyed by one member's loss of faith. The family becomes a sort of hostage - remain faith, or else.

That's so true! I have been amazed by this as well. Man, the control the church has over faithful believers is utterly amazing. How do they not see this as a huge red flag? My mom even told me last year, "our relationship will never be the same". And sure enough - it hasn't.

As another illustration of how the church is more important than family: how many of you on your missions, like me, urged people to get baptized even when their family members weren't happy about it?

[_The Dude]

Beastie and Who Knows-

This is actually a trait of most religions to some degree. The Jehovah's Witnesses are pretty bad with their official shunning policy towards apostates, and Muslims who believe in killing apostates are maybe the worst of all. WK mentions pressuring investigators to join the church against their families wishes -- don't we often hear stories of investigators who had so much faith that they joined the Mormons even though it meant their Catholic or mainstream protestant family wouldn't speak to them anymore? Who is at fault here, the missionaries or the Catholics (or whatever), who put unreasonable pressure on adult family members who should be free in their choices about belief and association?

For years now, my brother has been dating a girl whose family is from India, and her parents want her to remain secular if she isn't going to believe in Hinduism and accept an arranged marriage. On the other hand, my brother has told her that he will not marry her if she doesn't convert to Mormonism. So, after about 4 years of this mess, she finally was baptized in secret. In a couple of weeks they will have a Hindu marriage for her parents to attend, and then a year later they will have a Mormon marriage that her parents probably will not know about. I'm not sure if they even know she's converted to Mormonism yet. From my POV, both sides have put unreasonable expectations on this adult, professional woman. It's a religion problem, not a special Mormon problem.

(Funny things: the Hindu parents still think Warren Jeffs was LDS and LDS are secretly polygamists. But don't Hindus practice polygamy and have some rather barbaric marriage customs? My brother says he's fine with the traditional Hindu wedding as long as no farm animals come into play. LOL)

[_beastie]

Dude - I think it is largely a trait of "one true" religions. Religions that accept others as equally legitimate usually do not carry this baggage. Protestants, for example, normally do not get upset if their children marry in a different protestant sect. The one exception I know of is the "one true born againers", who view some other protestant sects with suspicion as not "real" born-againers.

[_Pokatator]

Who Knows wrote:

For those with your names removed - what are the cons? The only one i can think of is causing my parents heartache (since i know they'll see it when they get their member records at tithing settlement time.

I believe this it the main "con" in the beginning of the process. Then it turns into the scenario that inc went through. At least that was my process. I have never regretted it or looked back. It cost me a marriage and a very strained relationship with 3 of my kids. This has healed a lot it has been 25 years.

For Scottie: I once believed that staying "Mormon owned" mode was good for business, but over the years I have to believe like BC said most don't care. But the ones that do "care" usually want to get a "Mormon" discount, freebie or just plain screw you for the services or products rendered. I always hated to see the most "faithful" come into my business, the closer (same ward or neighborhood) you were to the "faithful" it was more likely the "faithful" expected special treatment.