Ray A wrote: A soulmate is someone you "click" with, at almost every level, even to the point you can almost "read" their thoughts. It's always feeling comfortable, at ease, and able to share intimate confidences knowing you'll never, or very seldom be misunderstood. This isn't "just any" kind of relationship.
Oh, dear, well, then I suppose I already dumped my soul mate when I was 23...
EAllusion wrote:What Boyd is calling an illusion is the notion that there is one person out there perfectly suited and meant for one other person. That's true enough. Actually romantic compatibility is a matter of degrees and is fluid over time. The reason BKP was saying it is to discourage people from waiting on finding their soul mate and encouraging them to settle.
Then perhaps he should have made that clear, but what he said was "soul mates is an illusion".
Ray A wrote:A soulmate is someone you "click" with, at almost every level, even to the point you can almost "read" their thoughts. It's always feeling comfortable, at ease, and able to share intimate confidences knowing you'll never, or very seldom be misunderstood. This isn't "just any" kind of relationship.
I was afraid that you were attaching some sort of supernatural intent or predetermined pairing to the notion of what you are referring to as "soul mates". But, what you are simply referring to is very compatible personalities. I can buy into that. These leaves the door open to multiple such relationships, and slams it on any religious conotation.
"Sire, I had no need of that hypothesis" - Laplace
Mad Viking wrote:I was afraid that you were attaching some sort of supernatural intent or predetermined pairing to the notion of what you are referring to as "soul mates". But, what you are simply referring to is very compatible personalities. I can buy into that. These leaves the door open to multiple such relationships, and slams it on any religious conotation.
EAllusion wrote:What Boyd is calling an illusion is the notion that there is one person out there perfectly suited and meant for one other person. That's true enough. Actually romantic compatibility is a matter of degrees and is fluid over time. The reason BKP was saying it is to discourage people from waiting on finding their soul mate and encouraging them to settle.
Ah, well, I think compatibility is one thing and obviously people can find a mate that they are compatible with. Usually when I see people talking about soul mates it's the idea that they found the ONE that is compatible with them and no one else will do. They complete each other, they are lil heart necklaces that match up perfectly sort of a thing... Some speak of it in almost a mystical way.
Yah, The LDS Church does seem to push people into marriage without ensuring they'll be compatible. If religion and having kids when you're in your early 20's is all that binds you together it's probably not going to be such a joyous union.
Ray A wrote: Then perhaps he should have made that clear, but what he said was "soul mates is an illusion".
Well, where I come from the term "soulmates" refers to the notion that there is one person out there perfectly suited for them. That's because when you romatically love someone, it can feel that way. That's what is an illusion. I suggest you explain to BKP that soul mates are like salt. Boyd really is just trying to tell people to settle with what's available, even if it isn't the gold standard. The rest of the comment is, "while every young man and young woman will seek with all diligence and prayerfulness to find a mate with whom life can be most compatible and beautiful, yet it is certain that almost any good man and any good woman can have happiness and a successful marriage if both are willing to pay the price," so we're not talking about great marriage advice here.
For more EA on soulmates see here:
http://www.rottentomatoes.com/vine/show ... t=soulmate People form connections with one another that make it seem like a person is a a perfect match for another and that the personal attachment formed is special in a way no other can be. That makes perfect sense as a cognitive-emotional state people have, especially for a species that forms longterm pair-bonds for mating. Contrary to people claiming that those who disbelieve in soul-mates need more "experience", I can safely say I've felt like a person was a "soul-mate" in that sense, even when I intellectually know that my relationship forming had more to due with general compatibility and circumstance.
That doesn't make the feeling any less desireable, meaningful, or worth maintaining. It's when people take those feelings and conclude that that person must actually be a soul-mate, one person uniquely qualified to fulfill them in this manner, that things go awry. It's not that the feelings aren't real, just that the intepretation of them leads to false conclusions about reality.
Mad Viking wrote:I was afraid that you were attaching some sort of supernatural intent or predetermined pairing to the notion of what you are referring to as "soul mates". But, what you are simply referring to is very compatible personalities. I can buy into that. These leaves the door open to multiple such relationships, and slams it on any religious conotation.
So the idea of soul mates isn't an "illusion".
If my interpretation of what you said is accurate, then I would say it isn't an illusion. The problem for me, until your last clarification, was that I think culturally, the term "soul mate" implies some sort of cosmic destiny or supernatural predestination (which is an illusion). When framed as personalities that are very compatible I find it more palitable. I would also submit, based on that definition, that what consitutes one's soulmate may vary over time.
"Sire, I had no need of that hypothesis" - Laplace