Seven Habits of Highly Effective Mormon Discussions Posters

[_The Nehor]

Many people coming into this board are confused by it's odd nature and the way discussions are conducted here. Some veterans are also confused by the way things work.

As a public service I present a few ideas to help you both understand and join in the fun here.

Habit #1: Condescension

No matter which side of the fence you're on never treat the opposition seriously. It's critical that even in a (blissfully rare) real discussion of important issues that you make sure everyone is aware how silly and ridiculous the opposition is. This should be done by being cute whenever possible. Phrases that begin with the following are a great place to start:

"You can't possibly expect us to believe......"
"This is very interesting especially because.....(insert something from their side that contradicts, preferably by the poster)"
"Kill. Murder. Scratch. Blood"

Another fun way to be condescending is to patronize other posters. This should be done through demeaning nicknames and finding effective ways to make it look like you just gave them a pat on the head and a piece of candy.

Habit #2 Derail if Needed

The novice poster becomes nervous and/or confused when confronted by a difficult argument presented by their opponent. The first piece of advice is to the cover of a very popular book: "Don't Panic"

Don't post something petulant and childish in a fit of pique. That is exactly what they want. Don't give it to them. Instead, analyze their argument and if it's unanswerable or difficult to answer without education you or your opponent have or it would just be too boring then it's time to utilize the second habit.

Look at their argument and find something debatable or unproven thus far. Make sure it's something that can't be shown definitively. Make a post requesting more information about this point. It can be in the form of an honest question or a snide remark. The key is to derail the argument. Even if they win the subordinate point you brought up it's a minor victory on a footnote and experience has shown that the thread will most likely never get back to the original point. Crisis averted.



More habits to follow........(i.e. just got busy here at work)

[_TAK]

Nehor:

More habits to follow........(i.e. just got busy here at work)

You have a job?? !!!!!!!

[_The Nehor]

Nehor:

More habits to follow........(i.e. just got busy here at work)

You have a job?? !!!!!!!

Habit 1 in action! :)

Yes, I'm a Tech Writer.

[_Some Schmo]

Shouldn't this be Seven Habits of Highly Annoying Mormon Apologists? The first two give that impression.

[_The Nehor]

Shouldn't this be Seven Habits of Highly Annoying Mormon Apologists? The first two give that impression.

No, as the critics do both as much as the apologists which brings me to Habit 3.

Habit 3: Play Dumb

In order for a cheap laugh and to cheapen what anyone is saying feel free to act dumber then you are. Miss nuance, misrepresent, and/or twist what your opponent says. If they say they think gay marriage is wrong, assume they want to torture homosexuals on the weekends. If they suggest that personal revelation exists, assume they mean that everyone who has ever claimed revelation is speaking the truth. If they say that LDS view apostates as failures, assume this means that they burn them in effigy in their front yards. If they say the Bible has flaws, assume they mean the whole book is an unhistorical mess.

By playing dumb you divert attention from what is being said and force them to reiterate what you've said before. This is also a good way of implementing Habit 2. The more details you acquire the more likely it is you can find something with which to hamstring them.

[_The Nehor]

Habit 4: Demand/Expect apologies

There is nothing that shows more the rightness of what you're doing then demanding an apology. To increase that feeling of self-righteousness, state that you deserve an apology but don't expect one. To maximize the effectiveness of this habit, demand apologies on behalf of someone else.

Remember to milk this for all it is worth. In other threads with your adversary add in humble small one-line reminders that you are still waiting for the apology. When discussing the poster in question bring it back up repeatedly.

Inevitably the day will come when an apology is demanded of you. Whatever you do, DON'T PANIC and don't apologize. It is a sign of weakness. The solution is to either explain why no apology is needed, use hyperbole to diminish the offense, or demand an apology first from the accuser.

[_Yoda]

Another fun way to be condescending is to patronize other posters. This should be done through demeaning nicknames and finding effective ways to make it look like you just gave them a pat on the head and a piece of candy.

*Patting Nehor on the head and giving him a piece of candy....*

;)

[_The Nehor]

Another fun way to be condescending is to patronize other posters. This should be done through demeaning nicknames and finding effective ways to make it look like you just gave them a pat on the head and a piece of candy.

*Patting Nehor on the head and giving him a piece of candy....*

;)

A jolly rancher or a starburst?

[_Yoda]

A jolly rancher or a starburst?

Both! :)

[_The Nehor]

Habit #5: Hyperbole

One quick way to deflate something is to make it absurd. When the LDS Church fights against some it does not mean they want to live in the 1800's again. When they speak out on politics it does not mean that they are secretly seeking to subvert the government and turn it into a theocracy. When a critic disagrees with a point of doctrine it does not mean that they would be a screaming, bloodthirsty member of the Missouri mobs. Disagreeing with Coggins does not mean that you're a hippie that wants a socialist welfare state. Accepting that there is a committee called the SCMC does not mean that you need a tin-foil hat.

All these are true but when you throw out the absurdity you shift the situation. When someone speaks against gay marriage, call them a homophobe. This shifts the ground and puts them on the defensive as they have to fight it. Then there's the problem of protesting too much. If someone speaks against the Church tell them they're led by the devil. They then have to fall back on the cliché of there being "good people outside the Church" and they sound like they're whining.

Pro-tip - Godwin's Law is so well known that it's best to avoid breaking it. The more unexpected your hyperbole is the better. Bonus points if your opponent has to look on Wikipedia to figure out what the hell you're talking about.