BYU and the "Strategic" Use of Alcohol

[_Trevor]

I'm stung by Droopy's chastisement, Trev. Just stung. I may never get over this.

I hear you, Ray, but hang tough. Once the deep wound heals, and it may take a very long time, then you too can join the ranks of those of us who see Droopy for the astute genius he truly is. You will repent of your mirthless liberal ways and come to the light (Right). Maybe you'll even find the good sense to emigrate from that sick hellhole of Australia and find a real place to live, like South Carolina, where the stars and bars are still faithfully represented--a true tribute to 'heritage' that should never bow to good taste or human decency. If heritage and patriotism can't Trump those lesser values, why even leave the house?

[_JustMe]

I was curious what others may have heard about this. I have heard from a number of sources that when VIP non-LDS visit BYU, alcohol is sometimes served. Now, this isn't necessarily in any kind of "official" capacity. I.e., it's not as if the University President orders up a tankard of Guiness for the visiting scholar from Harvard. But, rather, the VIP is taken to such-and-such Dean's or Professor's home, and is, in effect, "plied" with alcohol. It puts the VIP at ease and helps him/her feel that yes, in fact, these Mormons aren't so frightening and uptight after all. I sort of imagine it going down like this: "Well, Dr. So-and-so. The Saints have suffered great persecution over the years, and so we appreciate your sympathy and attention. Here---Professor Peterson will top off your glass of Cristal."

Can anyone confirm whether this is true or not? I rather suspect that it is, since we know of other situations (the Yale conference, for example) in which money was thrown around in an effort to essentially "buy" respectability. But has alcohol been used in a similar way?

Oh! Oh! Oh! Heavens YES! I can confirm this Scratch! But you missed the real juicy gossipy stuff, as usual. Your detective work sucks as bad as your skolarshipp. What really happens (if you were really in the know, you would know, ya know?) when a VIP shows up on campus is they are taken into the basement of the library (since it is pretty quiet down there they figure no one will disturb the participants), and offer real sexual inneundos around a huuuuuuuuge round table. That way there's no real touching (although some of those sneaky lil bastards do somehow find their way under that table! [how do they do that?!]). But there is all kinds of dirty talk! And.......AND...... they (looking around real quick to make sure no one else is actually hearing this) actually fart! OMG!!! It is soooooooooo incredible that BYU lacks such spirituality in these things! And......AND........ the left over green jello from bygone days of Relief Society meetings and ward parties? Yup! They serve that to the VIPs! And they pretend it's all fresh and nice and healthy. They don't tell their guests that they have snuck up real fresh green jello from the fridges from the student dorms and keep that to theirselves all the while serving those gentile VIP's the old crap. And I testify this is true! I know it by the warm spirit in my bosom. I bear my testimony that BYU is an honest, upright, and very welcome place for all visitors. I testify that the girls do not tempt the boys (or old men) with short mini skirts. (I know, I know, with your super sleuth nose into this gossip kind of waste of time crap because you never have been able to handle real and good and useful knowledge, you will find out this is false, I am just more than positive).
Wait til ya see what we's gots planned when Johnny "warmonger" McCain gets here, with that little hissy fit chick of his, little miss smarty sexy pants Palin!

[_Trevor]

And.......AND...... they (looking around real quick to make sure no one else is actually hearing this) actually fart! OMG!!! It is soooooooooo incredible that BYU lacks such spirituality in these things!

Sadly, I can confirm the truth of this. It disgusts me. You would think that if BYU were truly a Zion University they would have overcome the need to fart, and yet they revel in the naughtiness of clandestine farting in secret basement meetings. Sickos.

[_Jersey Girl]

JustMe

What really happens (if you were really in the know, you would know, ya know?) when a VIP shows up on campus is they are taken into the basement of the library (since it is pretty quiet down there they figure no one will disturb the participants), and offer real sexual inneundos around a huuuuuuuuge round table.

Tisk Tisk. The above description fully describes the goddess suite here on MDB however the innuendo's are not offered around a huge table.

They are offered ON it.

Pay me no mind.
:-D

[_JustMe]

I've been involved in the hosting of more ambassadors and visiting VIPs than I can count, but I've never seen nor even heard of anything like this.

Come on Peterson! You expect that to be credible? You know as well as all the rest of us that you can't have actually been involved in hosting VIPs in order to have the real knowledge of what actually goes on. You have to hear it from a friend who attended BYU in the 1940's whose 15th son heard it from his girlfriend's dad who was a Vietnam War Vet, who got it from his Drill Sergeant's mother who lived in Kentucky (that's right, KEN - TUCK - EE!) with the 55,345 pet chickens, which, while scratching amongst the dirt accidentally dug up golden plates written with a strange language (it really looks like chicken scratching), which was translated (there were even 4 witnesses, who gives a rip if they were the hogs?) by the gift and power of the Davy Crocket powder horn, and then shared throughout the world for all VIPs to behold. That's what gives credibility, is hearing it from so and so, who heard it from so and so, and so on and so on. This actually being involved personally is way too subjective and can hardly be objective nor scientific. Sorry you lose bub.

[_Ray A]

I hear you, Ray, but hang tough. Once the deep wound heals, and it may take a very long time, then you too can join the ranks of those of us who see Droopy for the astute genius he truly is. You will repent of your mirthless liberal ways and come to the light (Right). Maybe you'll even find the good sense to emigrate from that sick hellhole of Australia and find a real place to live, like South Carolina, where the stars and bars are still faithfully represented--a true tribute to 'heritage' that should never bow to good taste or human decency. If heritage and patriotism can't Trump those lesser values, why even leave the house?

Your wisdom shines through, as usual, Trev. Droopy's genius must have rubbed off on you (no other explanation).

Since my mirthless, liberal ways include being a rabid anti-Mormon - it's a big ask, Trev. Alcohol I can give up, but not even a five year detox at RFM will cure my addiction to anti-Mormonism. Can't you feel the hate in this post? If not, let me know and I'll go on LDS.org to fuel some real anger, or maybe even email collegeterrace for some tips.

[_moksha]

I've been involved in the hosting of more ambassadors and visiting VIPs than I can count, but I've never seen nor even heard of anything like this.

I would dare say that they even ban rubbing alcohol from their homes. The very thought of serving alcohol in order to promote an air of normalcy is repugnant. Who needs normalcy at the expense of their immortal soul which would no doubt turn blue with just a whiff of ethanol.

[_JustMe]

Trevor

Sadly, I can confirm the truth of this. It disgusts me. You would think that if BYU were truly a Zion University they would have overcome the need to fart, and yet they revel in the naughtiness of clandestine farting in secret basement meetings. Sickos.

Exactly! Can you believe that? What kind of weird world are we really in? Oh, did you hear the latest? I have this on good authoity from someone somewhere, I just know it (that warm fuzzy feeling in my bosom works so damn well, it's just awesome! Liahona schmee-a-hona! I need not that silly fake thing for my guide, for I have my feelings, and they can't be hurt!). At BYU they actually sleep in bunk beds... and those on the lower bunk put out banananananana peels out on the floors so when the dude or chick gets out of bed and jumps down, they immediately slip, and bang their heads on the floor, and it is this..... it is this moment from which a testimony is born. Because now that they are brain dead (trust me on this one, oh please do trust me - would I lie about something so significant as this disclosure of diamond truth?), it is the church's instructions and those on the lower bunks are paid bananaologists! They make so much dough they actually buy the banana islands to keep the flow of bananas into BYU to continue causing brain death, so that the students are easy to control, and cannot nay will not use their brains. And besides, if that doesn't work, truly, they simply take them into the medical school at the university and give em a lobotomy. Want proof? I heard that Mr. Scratch attended BYU! I heard it from a former girlfriend of mine. And she bore me her sacred testimony that her information was true. The very existence of Mr. Scratch is proof that BYU performs lobotomies on all its students.

[_Yoda]

JustMe

What really happens (if you were really in the know, you would know, ya know?) when a VIP shows up on campus is they are taken into the basement of the library (since it is pretty quiet down there they figure no one will disturb the participants), and offer real sexual inneundos around a huuuuuuuuge round table.

Tisk Tisk. The above description fully describes the goddess suite here on MDB however the innuendo's are not offered around a huge table.

They are offered ON it.

Pay me no mind.
:-D

As the official keeper of the Goddess Suite, I can attest to the truthfulness of Jersey Girl's statement. ;)

[_Ray A]

Exactly! Can you believe that? What kind of weird world are we really in? Oh, did you hear the latest? I have this on good authoity from someone somewhere, I just know it (that warm fuzzy feeling in my bosom works so damn well, it's just awesome! Liahona schmee-a-hona! I need not that silly fake thing for my guide, for I have my feelings, and they can't be hurt!). At BYU they actually sleep in bunk beds... and those on the lower bunk put out banananananana peels out on the floors so when the dude or chick gets out of bed and jumps down, they immediately slip, and bang their heads on the floor, and it is this..... it is this moment from which a testimony is born. Because now that they are brain dead (trust me on this one, oh please do trust me - would I lie about something so significant as this disclosure of diamond truth?), it is the church's instructions and those on the lower bunks are paid bananaologists! They make so much dough they actually buy the banana islands to keep the flow of bananas into BYU to continue causing brain death, so that the students are easy to control, and cannot nay will not use their brains. And besides, if that doesn't work, truly, they simply take them into the medical school at the university and give em a lobotomy. Want proof? I heard that Mr. Scratch attended BYU! I heard it from a former girlfriend of mine. And she bore me her sacred testimony that her information was true. The very existence of Mr. Scratch is proof that BYU performs lobotomies on all its students.

I bear testimony that everything Just Me Just Wrote is TRUE!