Family Night Raid

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_Gadianton
_Emeritus
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Family Night Raid

Post by _Gadianton »

Imagine, it's Monday night, and Family Home Evening is in full swing. Father has presented a lesson that he prepared on Saturday, Mother has fixed a half-dozen different kinds of treats, and the children have been participating earnestly in all activities -- including gobbling up the goodies mom made! Everyone is having a ball and as the spirit-filled festivities are drawing near their close, it's time for a game. James, a newly ordained Deacon, suggests "Fun for Family Night: Book of Mormon Edition". Everyone shouts, "Hooray!"

As the box opens and the contents removed there is a knock at the door. Father is puzzled as everyone he knows understands not to disturb at this time on a Monday. Curious though, he answers, and is greeted abruptly by two men wearing raid jackets ordering him to step back and put his hands behind his head.

The men burst into the house and order everyone to get down. The children cry. Mom pleads for mercy as more official-looking men fill the house and begin to examine the contents. A strange looking vehicle pulls up, and another squad of men get out and rush into the living room with a large case. The game that the family never got to play is put carefully into the case. A few books are pulled off the shelves, put in yellow bags, and tagged with official-looking labels.

Satisfied that the scene is contained, the family members are herded into seperate rooms by the officials. A long black car pulls up and three "suits" step out and casually enter the home. One suit enters the room where the very young children are being detained. He asks them questions. As they answer, he smugly corrects grammar. He reaches into his suit and pulls out a style guide and asks the children if they've ever seen a similar book. A few notes are made as the children look at each other confused and unable to answer.

Another suit joins the older boy, James, in his room. His associates refer to him as a "senior". The man questions the Deacon on a number of topics concering the ancient Americas. The young man doesn't know any of the answers and shrugs his shoulders admitting defeat. The man opens a briefcase and pulls out a sheet of paper, hands it to James, and explains that the writing is in Egyptian and constitutes a *test* of sorts, and requests the young priesthood holder to translate it the best he can. James takes a wild guess -- an incorrect one, apparently. The man states the minimum requisites for a conversation have not been met and leaves the room and walks toward the kitchen.

Mother sits at the kitchen table with her head burried in her hands as the "senior" enters, surveys the refreshments, wolfs down a freshly baked cinnamon roll and helps himself to a glass of milk while still holding his briefcase. He asks "what else she has" as if she's not even there, snoops around the counter a little, and then steps over to the kitchen table. He lays his briefcase on top, removes a file and begins writing down some notes. Some of it can be made out,

The agent wrote:..to her credit, there are open containers suggesting the dough was manufactured from scratch...but there are several weaknesses that can't go without comment...advertised as cinnamon rolls but this is misleading...the raisin concentration very thick on the southwest qundrant while a paucity in the northern regions...glaze passable but modern practices include a hint of orange peel and overall flavor could have been enhanced by...it's a testament morever, to the divine sanction of Family Night that it is so successful despite the so-called desserts.


Father's detention is by far the most interactive. He is questioned by one who is called "fundraiser" by the others and is carefully lectured with great concern on "losing ground" and "new history". The inquisitor opens a briefcase and presents a number of handsome brochures to Father. While Father overlooks them, the man sits down, presses his index fingers into a steeple and stares past his present company, losing himself in his own thoughts. He muses softly about the next generation and the need for better resources, and then, as if catching himself from falling, the man abruptly stands back up and hovers over his briefcase. He selects four volumes, all translations of medieval medical texts from various languages, and hands them to a perplexed patriarch of the home. While Father numbly reviews the books, his visitor begins to prepare a bill of sale with the "Liahona" checkbox ticked. His resistances worn down, and with growing concern over his family, Father reaches into his wallet for a credit card and hands it over to the "fundraiser" who efficiently runs it through a portable credit card machine. The suit congratulates Father on making the "right decision" and quickly finds his way to the door. The other suits and officials follow and the entorouge disappears down the westward road.

The good news is, no arrests are made, and everyone is safe. But a dark feeling will haunt each member of the family and eternally they will question, "Why?"
Lou Midgley 08/20/2020: "...meat wad," and "cockroach" are pithy descriptions of human beings used by gemli? They were not fashioned by Professor Peterson.

LM 11/23/2018: one can explain away the soul of human beings...as...a Meat Unit, to use Professor Peterson's clever derogatory description of gemli's ideology.
_Mister Scratch
_Emeritus
Posts: 5604
Joined: Sun Oct 29, 2006 8:13 pm

Re: Family Night Raid

Post by _Mister Scratch »

Rofl! A brilliant and wryly observed bit of satire here. No doubt it will infuriate the apologists, and no doubt this is an excellent contribution to a growing body of literature.

I wonder, too, if the allusive nature of this piece will escape most TBMs. I.e., do they know what you are referring to? I believe I do. I think that you are alluding to FARMS Review Volume 3, which contains the stunning attack pieces, "Fun for Family Night: Book of Mormon Edition," by Shirley Ricks, and "How to Hiss Forth with the Book of Mormon" by Donald Parry. Honestly: why were these reviews included in this issue? Why did these authors feel the need to blithely pick at what were clearly earnest and well-meaning attempts to improve family home evening and the like? I mean, check out Parry's dissing of "How to Hiss Forth":

This sweeping stated goal of How to Hiss Forth with the Book of Mormon is both lofty and utopian. The question must be asked, "Will How to Hiss Forth with the Book of Mormon aid missionaries, parents, and teachers in teaching gospel principles as it claims it will?" The youth of the Church may benefit from the expository sections, and Primary age children may spend some fruitful moments working through the activities and exercises, but in my opinion all age groups of the Church would be better advised to spend their time within the pages of the Book of Mormon itself.


Wow! Kind of harsh, no? Would Parry have been "better advised" to spend his time building the Kingdom, rather than taking cheap shots at well-meaning TBMs?

In any event, the inclusion of "reviews" such as these makes me wonder if DCP & et. al. were short on material, so they decided to toss in these two very amateurish hit pieces. I mean, they definitely needed to pad out an issue in which two---yes, I said two---mondo butt-smooching articles were devoted to praising (and how!) Hamblin & Ricks's Warfare in the Book of Mormon. Take a look at this, from the Honey review, for example:

Hamblin's mastery of the history, theory, and practice of warfare is evident in his expert marshalling of evidence, selection of historical examples, explanation of military theory, and comprehensive documentation.36 He skillfully splices various strands of history, culture, and thought scattered throughout the volume with his own original insights and interpretations and weaves them into a tightly-argued text that stands on its own as an important statement of the relevance and importance of warfare in Book of Mormon studies. This allows the volume to conclude on a high rhetorical point and to serve as a motivating springboard for further research.


Gee, do Church critics ever receive this sort of praise? If they did, I'm sure it would have been edited out during peer review. Even worse is Kurt Weiland's "slather-fest":

s I read the book, there were crystal-clear moments when the little light bulb would go on over my head, the little voice at the back of my brain would shout "A-HA!," and I would pull out my yellow marker to highlight a sentence or paragraph.


"Hey, Kurt---you've got a bit of brown on your nose! Would you like a hanky to wipe it off with?" It carries on:

I stand in awe of the authors' research. The authors—again, the ones who have done it well—have done their home-work. On page after page, I would find myself wondering, "How did they find all this stuff? Where did they get this information?"


Sure, there are token "criticisms" thrown in to make it seem like it is not a complete suck-job, but they aren't fooling anybody.
_Daniel Peterson
_Emeritus
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Re: Family Night Raid

Post by _Daniel Peterson »

Gad, you got the Scartchmeister hook, line, and sinker.

Reel him in slowly. He's clueless right now, and you can land him.
_Dr. Shades
_Emeritus
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Post by _Dr. Shades »

Excellent satire, Gadianton! Methinks thou hast "nailed it."

Mister Scratch quoted:

He skillfully splices various strands of history, culture, and thought scattered throughout the volume with his own original insights and interpretations and weaves them into a tightly-argued text that stands on its own as an important statement of the relevance and importance of warfare in Book of Mormon studies. This allows the volume to conclude on a high rhetorical point and to serve as a motivating springboard for further research.


Can you imagine FROB saying the same thing about a book by a Chapel Mormon?

. . . as I read the book, there were crystal-clear moments when the little light bulb would go on over my head, the little voice at the back of my brain would shout "A-HA!," and I would pull out my yellow marker to highlight a sentence or paragraph.


Can you imagine a FARMS author saying this about Brother Meldrum's work?

I stand in awe of the authors' research. The authors—again, the ones who have done it well—have done their home-work. On page after page, I would find myself wondering, "How did they find all this stuff? Where did they get this information?"


(Substituting the words "authors" for "author" and "they" for "he,") can you imagine John Tvedtnes saying this about one of Brenton Yorgason's books?
"Finally, for your rather strange idea that miracles are somehow linked to the amount of gay sexual gratification that is taking place would require that primitive Christianity was launched by gay sex, would it not?"

--Louis Midgley
_Gadianton
_Emeritus
Posts: 9947
Joined: Sat Jul 07, 2007 5:12 am

Re: Family Night Raid

Post by _Gadianton »

Scratch wrote:Even worse is Kurt Weiland's "slather-fest":


Quote:
s I read the book, there were crystal-clear moments when the little light bulb would go on over my head, the little voice at the back of my brain would shout "A-HA!," and I would pull out my yellow marker to highlight a sentence or paragraph.


Good heavens! I need to catch up to you in my reading, Mister Scratch, this is astounding. Because, well, normally we think about pulling out the yellow highlighter to mark the scriptures. I suppose it's not far off indeed to say that the apologists treat Sorenson's work and anything in lock step with it as their standard works.
Lou Midgley 08/20/2020: "...meat wad," and "cockroach" are pithy descriptions of human beings used by gemli? They were not fashioned by Professor Peterson.

LM 11/23/2018: one can explain away the soul of human beings...as...a Meat Unit, to use Professor Peterson's clever derogatory description of gemli's ideology.
_Gadianton
_Emeritus
Posts: 9947
Joined: Sat Jul 07, 2007 5:12 am

Re: Family Night Raid

Post by _Gadianton »

Thank you, Dr. Shades, for stopping by and reading. I think the questions you raise are followed up in your new post where I am participating.
Lou Midgley 08/20/2020: "...meat wad," and "cockroach" are pithy descriptions of human beings used by gemli? They were not fashioned by Professor Peterson.

LM 11/23/2018: one can explain away the soul of human beings...as...a Meat Unit, to use Professor Peterson's clever derogatory description of gemli's ideology.
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