Mister Scratch wrote:Oh, yeah. Your online persona is just *so* charming!
I'm a very bad person.
Thankfully, though, you've revealed it, despite the fact that it's apparently obvious to everybody.
Mister Scratch wrote:Just ask the dozens of people you've harassed on RfM
I don't post on RfM.
But I'm sure I'm guilty, nonetheless.
And it's especially galling that I would so viciously harass the gentle people who frequent
that sunny place.
Mister Scratch wrote:or the people you've held up for ridicule on SHIELDS.
By posting their notes to me, and my replies.
Mister Scratch wrote:Just ask Mike Quinn, Grant Palmer, Simon Southerton, Tal Bachman, and Steve Benson.
I've been especially harsh, no doubt, on the lamb-like and sweet Steve Benson.
If I could only remember when, how, and where I brutalized him.
Mister Scratch wrote:Just ask Robert Ritner.
Yes, my treatment of Professor Ritner, whom I've never met and with whom I've never had any interaction, has been especially callous and cruel. Why, just last night, I was beating him about the head with a tire iron.
Mister Scratch wrote:Har de har har. Do you think this fools anybody? Do you think that acting like a goofball somehow absolves your sins?
Absolutely not. My sins are as scarlet. But, you see, I'm not only mendacious but grotesquely incompetent. I simply can't help it.
Mister Scratch wrote:The reality is that your Ward Cleaver-esque, Brethren-sanctioned sense of humor only proves how right I am.
Everything proves how right you are.
"The truth of the matter is that there is literally no way that this [as yet unseen] letter is not damning in some way." (Scratch, 7-30-08, MDB) "Actually, you lose either way." (Scratch, 7-31-08, MDB) "Why not admit defeat. . . ? There'd be more dignity in it." (Scratch, 8-12-08, MDB)
Mister Scratch wrote:You are too weak to apologize, and even your gift as sophistry cannot spin away these "crimes," so you make lame jokes and puns.
I'm pathetic, as well as incompetent and mendacious.
Fortunately, though, "Scratch . . . always tries to see the good in people." (Gadianton, 7-11-08, MDB)
Mister Scratch wrote:Ah, yes--the pun that careworn staple of "Goofus and Gallant" cartoons and "safe" 1950s humor. No wonder you're so fond of it.
I'm stuck in a time warp.
Your apparent loathing of the 1950s is very interesting, though. (I begin to suspect a reason.)
Mister Scratch wrote:More Mormon-friendly humor. How witty!
I do the best that I can. I can't aspire to
your lofty heights of madcap hilarity and side-slapping adventurousness, but I do what I can within my inborn limits.
Mister Scratch wrote:You genuinely admit that you have been looking to besmirch Mike Quinn's character?
I admit to every evil deed committed in the Western Hemisphere after roughly 1929, and I'm implicated in most of those committed in the Eastern Hemisphere since the fall of Baghdad to the Mongols in 1258.
Mister Scratch wrote:If so, I'm glad to hear it. You deserve praise for your integrity and courage.
On the other hand, if you are yukking it up, "Leave it to Beaver"-style yet again... Well, what does that say about you?
It says that I regard you as a genuine wack job.
Mister Scratch wrote:ALitD was apparently horrified at your lying through the use of your "FreeThinker" sockpuppet.
I don't know who ALitD is or was.
But I'm pretty horrifying.
I come galumphing into the gentle tulip-filled world of internet message boards with my cruelty and viciousness, spreading pain and sowing despair where there had been only light, and decent people naturally respond to me with fear and loathing.
Mister Scratch wrote:Ho ho ho! Hilarious, Prof. P.! I hear that the writers for I Love Lucy and The Honeymooners are looking for a good, ol' fashioned writer. I mean, your comedy is just so hip and fresh. And yes, of course: you will get to have a laugh track. The Brethren will pay for it.
I hang my inferior head in shame.
Mister Scratch wrote:ROFL! Getting desperate now, I see.
Terribly.
But the searing agony that I feel is merely just recompense for the pain and suffering I've inflicted on innocent people worldwide during my criminal reign of unprincipled Mopologist terror.
Mister Scratch wrote:Go ahead, Dan: ignore me. I dare you to.
From now on, though I don't promise to grant you free rein to post without my ever responding, I will only occasionally reply with the message immediately below:
The following is a standard response: Master Scartch has devoted himself since at least 2006 to publicly defaming me while maintaining his anonymity. I flatly deny virtually every allegation Master Scartch has ever made against me, and this one is no exception. I regard Master Scartch as an obsessive and malignant loon, and have decided to refrain from further gratifying his weird fixation on me and those connected with me. Attempting conversation with him over the past many months has accomplished precisely nothing, and is, plainly, a complete waste of my time, especially given the fact that it's his self-described "mission" and "amusement" to be "perceived" by "Mopologists" as "full of hate." (Scartch, MDB, 1 October 2008) Mister Scratch wrote:It amuses me endlessly that Mopologists perceive me as being "full of hate." Mission accomplished!
Thanks for that useful self-definition.
Mister Scratch wrote:Anyways, Dan, I'm sure you know that these Brethren-safe little parodies of yours do little to brush away the uncomfortable fact surrounding your misdeeds. All but your most slavish bootlicks can see that rather plainly, I'm sure.
I seem to have several very "slavish bootlicks" here on this board, even among the non-LDS.