My first post anywhere as a former Mormon

[_Some Schmo]

None of my friends are LDS (active or inactive). I had lots of fake friends when I was an investigator, however they all forgot about me once I was baptized and no longer the ward celebrity.

Comments like this really bug me. Sure we should all do better friend shipping and fellow shipping each other. But you are responible for your own involvement as well. How many people did you try to engage socially? How many did you invite over to your house or out to dinner?

If you want to leave I am fine with it. But don't whine about stuff like this.

Comments like that probably bug you (at least in part) because there's so much truth to them.

I've reached out to a few of my church friends, and have been met with reservation and skepticism. These were guys who claimed were among my best friends, at one time.

It's painfully obvious that real friends are difficult to come by in the church. The kind of friendship available from members is that which is contingent on mutual belief. Of course, when what you believe is so unbelievable, I suppose you have to save your friendship for those who are going to help support the fantasy, not ruin it.

Not very real or sincere friendship, if you ask me. But hey, if it's good enough for you, have at it.

[_Some Schmo]

Oh, and gratz, Phouchg.

Needless to say (but I will anyway), smart move.

[_Phouchg]

I would say that any random person is not going to any more than brief acquaintances with 99.5% of all the people they ever meet. So that fact that I have no friends in church is not surprising.

The problem is that converts are sold a bill of goods on many fronts...the first is the notion that you will instantly have dozens of new friends and a whole group of people who love and care for you and will have your back.

As Colonel Potter says: Horse Hockey!

You do get people who will judge what you wear, what music you listen to, what you drink, what political views you have etc.

[_OMWO2]

None of my friends are LDS (active or inactive). I had lots of fake friends when I was an investigator, however they all forgot about me once I was baptized and no longer the ward celebrity.

Comments like this really bug me. Sure we should all do better friend shipping and fellow shipping each other. But you are responible for your own involvement as well. How many people did you try to engage socially? How many did you invite over to your house or out to dinner?

If you want to leave I am fine with it. But don't whine about stuff like this.

But isn't "fake friendshipping" the Mormon way? Take hometeaching for instance. You are assigned 3-6 families to hometeach. They may or may not be active in church. They have varied lifestyles, incomes, homes etc... Now you are told to "become their friends." To visit them often either officially or unofficially. To learn their kids birthdates etc... Just listen to the countless stories told by your beloved prophet. I think you would have a hard time convincing others that this is encouraging members to befriend someone who they may not want to befriend. Even if you didn't like some family you home taught you never told them that.

[_Jason Bourne]

I would have to disagree and agree with Phouchg. I find that the intense fellowshipping and kindness is reserved for those who are prospective Mormons. I have broken my back for the last 6 years to keep in touch and stay friends with those who were my best friends during my investigation/fellowshipping time, but they never seem to find the time to return calls or visit with me. It really makes me question their sincerity. I also know because I've (and I admit it wasn't very compassionate of me) been on the other side and have engaged those who were on the edge of not being Mormon with more attention. Whatever way we slice it, people gravitate to where they feel accepted and loved and needed. Why else would church leaders stress fellowshipping of converts and visitors and giving new members callings and responsibilities so early?

I said we need to do better to continue to fellowship. If you attempted to reach out as well then terrific. If others did not respond that is wrong. But it does work two ways. And really, I can tell you that I don't do all that much socially with numerous LDS folks. I see them on Sunday, some other meetings and so on. I have a few LDS friends that I do some things once every couple of months with and that is it. Ultimately one's dedication and commitment is up them.

Jason, have you ever been a convert to the LDS church?

Nope.

Maybe you just can't understand what it is like--no more than I could understand the complexities of what it's like to be a lifelong member.

Perhaps. But I have worked with many, many new members some of whom were my friends when they joined.

But you are right, whining and complaining never does much good--especially when lack of friendliness is unintentional. But you do sacrifice a lot to become Mormon and develop very strong feelings to your new friends in the church, and when they don't seem as interested after you're in the church, it hurts to feel friendless in a new world your family and whole life is not a part of.

I have no doubt that this is disappointing. But if one is serious about being LDS then this in my opinion, is not a valid excuse for dropping out.

[_harmony]

See, that's the thing. Mormons have so little time leftover for socializing, or at least, what the rest of the world regards as socializing. Between jobs, family responsibilities, callings, and meetings, there is precious little leftover.

We don't socialize with ward members. Not because we wouldn't, but very often because our interests take us down other paths. We spend our time with family, with co-workers, with people who volunteer doing the same things we do. Only rarely do we spend our free time with church members. We attend maybe two parties a year with the ward. Our social life doesn't revolve around the ward. This sets us apart from the majority of the ward. We simply don't connect outside of church (and to be truthful... we aren't welcomed to socialize much. We see ward members out having dinner together at the same restaurants we are, yet we are never invited. We aren't even invited to join them, when they do acknowledge our presence. We've invited others often, to our home, out to dinner or a show, only to be turned down. It only takes a few times of that for even such a tough ol' bird as me to figure out what's going on.) If I was waiting for the ward to fellowship me, I'd have walked away 35 years ago.

[_hobart]

I have no doubt that this is disappointing. But if one is serious about being LDS then this in my opinion, is not a valid excuse for dropping out.

true....if someone doesn't come to church just because they don't feel they have friends there, perhaps they aren't really dedicated at any real level

[_Phouchg]

true....if someone doesn't come to church just because they don't feel they have friends there, perhaps they aren't really dedicated at any real level

Excuse me, who are you to judge a person's dedication level to the church?

And in my case, I didn't stop going to church because I didn't have any friends there. My reasons (like the reasons of most of us who resign) are much more complicated than that.

fook

[_hobart]

true....if someone doesn't come to church just because they don't feel they have friends there, perhaps they aren't really dedicated at any real level

Excuse me, who are you to judge a person's dedication level to the church?

And in my case, I didn't stop going to church because I didn't have any friends there. My reasons (like the reasons of most of us who resign) are much more complicated than that.

fook

I'm sorry if I offended you, my post was directed to a conversation I was having with Jason. I don't believe you stopped going to church because of friendship issues or anything like that. I resigned recently too--please see my first post on the previous pages.

[_Phouchg]

sorry...you are right. Hard to tell the players without a scorecard...

fook