Mormon Conversational Boundaries

[_John Larsen]

Last week I was at work and we have some technicians working on our fire alarm system. They were checking out different points, and were just outside me office. One technical was a young man in his mid-twenties. Where he was standing, he could see my diploma on my wall, which was from a Utah school (not BYU). Here is how the conversation went:

Him: Did you go to <school name>?
Me: Yes I did.
Him: In Utah?
Me: Right.
Him: Are you from Utah?
Me: Yes, I grew up there. I just moved out here last summer.
Him: Are you LDS?
Me: No.
Him: Oh.

At which point he walked away. Now, I cannot image a single other instance where someone would ask such a point blank question about religion. I find that with non-LDS people, they will walk all the way around the barn (if and when they care it all, which is rare) without pulling the trigger on the question. Religion is usually considered highly personal.

Telling also, is that his entire interest in the conversation stopped immediately. Here we were (judging by his Utah accent) two strangers in a strange land who hailed form a common homeland, and his interest immediately stopped when I said I wasn't LDS. I have passed him in the halls several times since and he won’t make eye contact.

Is my suspicion that this is a Mormon thing correct? What is it about the religion that makes people break usually social taboos and fell like they have license to ask such questions within 20 seconds of meeting a client?

[_The Dude]

In my experience there is no social taboo about inquiring about religious background, and furthermore, my experience is with academics and scientists who you might expect to be disinterested in such things. On the contrary, whenever I mention growing up in Utah or attending BYU, I am asked whether I am Mormon. This has been my invariable experience over more than a decade living outside Utah. People want to know, and then they want to know my feelings about Mormons -- do I agree that they are a curious bunch, what's up with polygamy and temples and garments, etc.

[_Daniel Peterson]

I'm quite commonly asked, when people find out that I'm living in Utah or that I'm teaching at BYU, whether I'm Mormon. This comes from all sorts of people, prominently including (not surprisingly, given the nature of my work and of my contacts outside of Utah) academics.

[_Runtu]

In my experience there is no social taboo about inquiring about religious background, and furthermore, my experience is with academics and scientists who you might expect to be disinterested in such things. On the contrary, whenever I mention growing up in Utah or attending BYU, I am asked whether I am Mormon. This has been my invariable experience over more than a decade living outside Utah. People want to know, and then they want to know my feelings about Mormons -- do I agree that they are a curious bunch, what's up with polygamy and temples and garments, etc.

Yep, that's been my experience, too. When I moved to Houston, everyone in my department knew I was coming from Utah, and it was always the second or third question I got asked. When I moved from Houston to College Station, no one asked anymore.

[_Jason Bourne]

Actually when non LDS where I live learn I am from Utah they frequently ask me if I am a Mormon, often early in a conversation.

[_Sam Harris]

Sounds like the guy was just immature. Even when the LDS I've been introduced to find out that I'm "inactive", they don't walk away from conversation. They might look a little uncomfortable for a minute (or the rest of the evening), but they don't just cease to speak. But then again, it's been a while since I've been around anyone other than my LDS friends.

That does sound like something that a newbie from UT in my old singles ward would do. Those kids came out to intern on the hill, and outside of work, few of them had anything to do with non-LDS. They often considered their work time to be a time to set an example for the church, and gave testimony about it. But outside of that, they didn't have much to do with the locals. In fact, in that ward there were only 3 LDS who were from the area, all the others were kind of turned off by the atmosphere.

[_krose]

It's usually the first question after telling someone I'm from Utah, and that's just because Utah=Mormon in most people's minds. No other state's citizens are asked their religion, because no other state has an identity as strongly linked to a single religion. (It's sort of like people from Alaska immediately being asked what they think of their Governor.)

But I really don't know how to answer the question. I'm no longer a member, officially, but I was born and raised LDS, so I am definitely of the Mormon background. I usually just say "no," but if I sense actual interest, I'll say something like "not anymore," or "I was raised as one," then explain some of the details.

It's more than just a religion. It's a culture. I am a product of the Utah/Mormon culture, even though I no longer believe in the teachings of the LDS religion. It would be nice if there were a convenient way of saying that. I always get the feeling that people are asking more about cultural background than current membership.

[_Sam Harris]

A guy once asked me if I was polygamous back when I was LDS. He seemed a little disappointed when I said no.

[_ludwigm]

You are living in a weird area of the world..

For three years in my present workspace, and for five years in the previous one, and 20 + 20 before (in the army), I hadn't the faintest idea about the religion of my workmates - by their words.
I have judged it only by their opinion about other areas/topics.

by the way mainly they were atheists (from the apatheist branch of them). Maybe I am lucky.

[_Mister Scratch]

I have never lived in Utah, but when people have asked how many siblings I have (i.e., quite a few), and when I've told them, they have sometimes inquired into my religious background.