Nominations for the Hughies

[_WilliamSchryver]

Harmony is just bitter that the daily circle jerks in the Great and Spacious Trailer Park™ are the closest she has come to a bona fide sexual experience in over 40 years.

I simply cannot understand how her husband has resisted the urge to off himself for so long. Of all the men in human history who have felt compelled, no matter the cost, to “stick it out” with a bitch of a wife – Joseph Smith included – if anyone deserves the reward of 72 virgins in heaven, it’s that poor man.

As for the rest of you, and your compulsive obsession with your former faith and those who defend it against people like you, and in the way of expressing my sincere gratitude for your recognition of my meager efforts in the cause, I can only say: I couldn’t have done it without all you special folks here in the GSTP.

Despite our occasional spats over the years, I knew all along that you really do like me.

[Sniffles, wipes a tear, tosses the plastic trophy in the overflowing dumpster, and after exiting the trailer park once again, takes the earliest opportunity to thoroughly wash his hands and dust his feet …]

[_Runtu]

Harmony is just bitter that the daily circle jerks in the Great and Spacious Trailer Park™ are the closest she has come to a bona fide sexual experience in over 40 years.

I simply cannot understand how her husband has resisted the urge to off himself for so long. Of all the men in human history who have felt compelled, no matter the cost, to “stick it out” with a bitch of a wife – Joseph Smith included – if anyone deserves the reward of 72 virgins in heaven, it’s that poor man.

As for the rest of you, and your compulsive obsession with your former faith and those who defend it against people like you, and in the way of expressing my sincere gratitude for your recognition of my meager efforts in the cause, I can only say: I couldn’t have done it without all you special folks here in the GSTP.

Despite our occasional spats over the years, I knew all along that you really do like me.

[Sniffles, wipes a tear, tosses the plastic trophy in the overflowing dumpster, and after exiting the trailer park once again, takes the earliest opportunity to thoroughly wash his hands and dust his feet …]

Looks like I was right. :)

[_Mister Scratch]

Runtu,

These are fantastic. Has this really been an annual event? If so, I believe I missed the inauguration. Anyhow, I shall now humbly submit my nominations, with explanations, where relevant.


Angriest apologist: Louis Midgley. No Mopologist sums up the white-hot rage at the center of LDS apologetics more that "The Midge." Pahoran may show a lot of anger on the surface, but Midgley encapsulates the full range, scope, rancor, and evil of Mopologetic anger. I believe this was best evidenced in his verbal assaults on Sandra Tanner and Lynne Whitesides.

Least substantive apologist: The Nehor. Snide asides and rather poor attempts at humor, coupled with his grudging admissions concerning his porn and masturbation addictions (which *are* genuinely funny) have sunk him here. He barely seems to be a member of the LDS Church, actually.

Rube Goldberg award for most convoluted attempt at apologia: John Gee, for his labyrinthine defenses of the Book of Abraham.

Lifetime achievement in hubris: Bill Hamblin, for his recent slathering of himself over his Oxford visit. "Foot-baal! Foot-baal!"

Most predictable apologist: DCP. I don't think I need to explain this one.

Most vulgar apologist: Tie--Bill Hamblin and John Tvedtnes. Sure, Schryver is the obvious choice, but his vulgarity is so obviously meant to be provocative. Hamblin and Tvedtnes, on the other hand, reveal their penchant for foul-mouthedness in far more subtle (read: far more damning) ways. That is, these guys aren't *trying* to be vulgarians; they merely are.

Most embarrassing apologist: LoaP. He is embarrassing because he is so obviously young, and so obviously trying way too hard. You get the sense that he is throwing his life away, and you can't help but feel sorry for him.

Most intelligent apologist: Richard Bushman.

Apologist whose posts you enjoy reading: All of them, though if I had to choose, it would probably be DCP, due to his excellent combination of literary eloquence and foot-in-mouth disease.

Most honest apologist: Is there such a thing? K. Shirts, perhaps?

By the way, Runtu---will you be announcing the final winners? I.e., are these just meant to be mere nominations?

[_The Nehor]

Least substantive apologist: The Nehor. Snide asides and rather poor attempts at humor, coupled with his grudging admissions concerning his porn and masturbation addictions (which *are* genuinely funny) have sunk him here. He barely seems to be a member of the LDS Church, actually.

I must have missed those admissions. I am barely a member of the LDS Church in the same sense that you are barely an obsessive lunatic.

I would like to accept this award in the spirit in which it is offered. This is akin to winning an award for being a bad human being from a Nazi and I accept it in that regard.

I'd like to thank Scratch for this endorsement and ask that he please stop the creepy interest in my sexuality. Thank you and good night.

[_Yoda]

Harmony is just bitter that the daily circle jerks in the Great and Spacious Trailer Park™ are the closest she has come to a bona fide sexual experience in over 40 years.

I simply cannot understand how her husband has resisted the urge to off himself for so long. Of all the men in human history who have felt compelled, no matter the cost, to “stick it out” with a bitch of a wife – Joseph Smith included – if anyone deserves the reward of 72 virgins in heaven, it’s that poor man.

Will? Why is Harmony the target of your rancor? She hasn't even posted in this thread, and I don't recall her saying anything nasty to or about you.

In reality, you are a very nice guy, so I'm not sure why you choose to come across this way.

Good to see you posting again, though.

Hope you're still singing.

Check your PM's.

[_Chap]

Harmony is just bitter that the daily circle jerks in the Great and Spacious Trailer Park™ are the closest she has come to a bona fide sexual experience in over 40 years.

I simply cannot understand how her husband has resisted the urge to off himself for so long. Of all the men in human history who have felt compelled, no matter the cost, to “stick it out” with a bitch of a wife – Joseph Smith included – if anyone deserves the reward of 72 virgins in heaven, it’s that poor man.

As for the rest of you, and your compulsive obsession with your former faith and those who defend it against people like you, and in the way of expressing my sincere gratitude for your recognition of my meager efforts in the cause, I can only say: I couldn’t have done it without all you special folks here in the GSTP.

Despite our occasional spats over the years, I knew all along that you really do like me.

[Sniffles, wipes a tear, tosses the plastic trophy in the overflowing dumpster, and after exiting the trailer park once again, takes the earliest opportunity to thoroughly wash his hands and dust his feet …]

Always remember: this man holds the Holy Priesthood of God, and has access to the Holy Ghost whenever he wants it.

Reading his posts is the next best thing to talking to Jesus himself. If you don't find it edifying, that proves you are a sinner.

[_The Dude]

Most vulgar apologist: Tie--Bill Hamblin and John Tvedtnes. Sure, Schryver is the obvious choice, but his vulgarity is so obviously meant to be provocative. Hamblin and Tvedtnes, on the other hand, reveal their penchant for foul-mouthedness in far more subtle (read: far more damning) ways. That is, these guys aren't *trying* to be vulgarians; they merely are.

I never thought Bill Hamblin was vulgar until I read this exchange over on MADB:

I've just returned from the Utah Valley Regional Medical Center, where I underwent a medical procedure.

I was unconscious for roughly an hour.

This has helped me to better understand the mental state of many of my critics.

Colonoscopy, right? That's another way it was like your critics.

[_Chap]

In reality, you are a very nice guy

Oooh - you are a tease!

Stop winding the poor man up. You'll get him all excited.

[_Runtu]

Will? Why is Harmony the target of your rancor? She hasn't even posted in this thread, and I don't recall her saying anything nasty to or about you.

In reality, you are a very nice guy, so I'm not sure why you choose to come across this way.

Good to see you posting again, though.

Hope you're still singing.

Check your PM's.

Will is an odd duck. One minute he's kind and encouraging, the next vulgar and insulting. I've learned to take neither side of him seriously.

[_beastie]

Will is an odd duck. One minute he's kind and encouraging, the next vulgar and insulting. I've learned to take neither side of him seriously.

Oh, it's all an act, dahlin. Will is always on stage, glowing in the spotlight, taking yet another bow, imagining the adoring crowd.

So I suggest adding another category:

Biggest Drama Queen Apologist: Will Schryver