Kerry Shirts and the "Impossible Sit-Up"

[_Doctor Scratch]

This post comes to you by way of one of my favorite, most invaluable "informants." In his/her message to me, the informant wondered: "Is there a place for The Backyard Professor at Cassius University?" Frankly, I don't know. I am going to have to punt this question over to Dean Robbers, who is far better equipped to supply an honest answer. In any event, on to the kernel of the matter.

Over on the aptly named MADboard, a thread is underway in which Kerry "The Backyard Professor" Shirts is being given the classic, amateur Mopologist saug arbeit treatment.

I just finished watching all of the Backyard Professor's videos on YouTube. What an incredible class that was. Has anyone else watched them? Any opinions on his commentary of the Book of Mormon?

I'm taking his class again. This time I'm going to take notes and research the referrences he made.

Thank you Backyard Professor.

How nice! One always likes to hear praise of likable posters, and Prof. Backyard is indeed very likable in his own, Captain Kangaroo-ish, idiosyncratic way. (Actually, I think he more closely resembles the postman from Mr. Rogers' Neighborhood.) And, indeed, the kind praise continues:

Tribunal:

I watched them and have them "Bookmarked". They are great.

A BIG thank you to the BYP. good.gif good.gif

Very nice, eh? But, things quickly take a dark, sinister turn. Dear Brother Shirts, we must recall, is among the most devoted and enthusiastic of all amateur Mopologists. Many folks here will no doubt remember with great fondness his lovingly filmed footage of last year's FAIR conference, or his endless YouTube videos, or his plangent, exclamation-riddled ejaculations on all manner of Mormon-related topics. Seriously: how can one not have a soft spot for a guy who practically drools over the thought of BYU housing "3 million books!?!!!!!"? And thus our basic conundrum.

Have you ever heard of the so-called "impossible sit-up"? For the less enlightened, please allow me to explain:

The "impossible sit-up" is a classic of the high school hazing set. In it, the initiate lies on the ground and attempts to complete a normal sit-up. It's helpful if there are least three or four other "team mates" around. One to hold the initiate's feet, thus facilitating the ease of the sit-up; one to apply the blindfold over the initiate's eyes (gee, I wonder why?); one to offer words of encouragement; one to press down on the initiate's stomach, thus making the sit-up seem "impossible"; and....one to drop trou and carefully position spread butt cheeks over the initiate's nose.

You can guess where it goes from here: the "team mate" holding down on the initiate's stomach lets go suddenly, and the poor initiate's nose plunges straight into the other team mate's anus. Disgusting! Humiliating! How could anyone stoop to such atrocities! The initiate was merely trying to be part of the team! Think of how hard he's worked! What time he's put in! Why would you do this to somebody??

When you watch BYP's videos you get a degree in BS ... er, I mean a BS degree = Backyard Savant.

But for the past month BYP has been on sabbatical.

Ouch. To think: Prof. Shirts spent all that time plugging Hamblin's trip to Oxford....and this is the paltry thanks he gets? In the end, I suppose we should recall that, at least, for Dr. Backyard, the "impossible sit-up" provides one with a real, literal opportunity for some hardcore, authentic brown-nosing. What more could a devoted, amateur Mopologist ask for?

[_Ray A]

Over on the aptly named MADboard, a thread is underway in which Kerry "The Backyard Professor" Shirts is being given the classic, amateur Mopologist saug arbeit treatment.

Do you have a link to this thread, Scratch?

[_why me]

Brother Shirts seems to be a kind-hearted guy who wishes no one any harm. He brings to apologetics a crisp sense of humor. I am sure that he would be a wonderful addition to CU but I rather doubt that he would accept a pretigious position at your institution. My guess would be that he would refuse out of self-modesty.

[_Ray A]

Brother Shirts seems to me to be a thinker, and thinkers can be dangerous to Mormonism.

Still waiting for that link.

[_TAK]

Does anyone know if Shirts is active? Does he have any current callings?

I suspect he is not, but I could certainly be wrong..

[_Kishkumen]

Does anyone know if Shirts is active? Does he have any current callings?

I suspect he is not, but I could certainly be wrong..

I think he is involved in the ward Scout troop.

[_Kishkumen]

When you watch BYP's videos you get a degree in BS ... er, I mean a BS degree = Backyard Savant.

But for the past month BYP has been on sabbatical.

Ouch. To think: Prof. Shirts spent all that time plugging Hamblin's trip to Oxford....and this is the paltry thanks he gets? In the end, I suppose we should recall that, at least, for Dr. Backyard, the "impossible sit-up" provides one with a real, literal opportunity for some hardcore, authentic brown-nosing. What more could a devoted, amateur Mopologist ask for?

Word has it that Shirts has "occult" interests that go beyond book study. I can only imagine that this calls into question his orthodoxy and prudence among the apologetic elite, who might worship magicians, but would never practice themselves--unless of course it is Mormon priesthood magic.

[_TAK]

Does anyone know if Shirts is active? Does he have any current callings?

I suspect he is not, but I could certainly be wrong..

I think he is involved in the ward Scout troop.

Marginally active...

[_cinepro]

Ouch. To think: Prof. Shirts spent all that time plugging Hamblin's trip to Oxford....and this is the paltry thanks he gets?

I read Hamblin's comment as nothing more than good-natured ribbing. But I haven't watched any BYP videos, so I don't know if there is anything that contradicts the FARMS view of things.

[_William Schryver]

Word has it that Shirts has "occult" interests that go beyond book study. I can only imagine that this calls into question his orthodoxy and prudence among the apologetic elite, who might worship magicians, but would never practice themselves--unless of course it is Mormon priesthood magic.

"Word has it ..."

Classic!

No doubt you're right on the mark, Kissassman. Kerry gets all dolled up in fancy Egyptian robes and headdress and then goes Nibley-wild on all the little girls in the neighborhood.

You people are so freakish ...