If I Did It: Chapter 1 - The Titanic

[Guest]

If I Did It: Confessions of an SMPT Imposter

by

Gadianton P. Robbers, Phd

Chapter 1

The Titanic

If I did it, of utmost importance would be to understand why I did it. To understand why I did it, one would need to understand what was on my mind at the time I was contemplating doing it. What, hypothetically, would most definitely have been on my mind at the time was a scene from the 1997 movie, Titanic. Why would I have been thinking about that movie? Maybe I'm romantic, and I really liked the movie and would have thought about it often. It could be, that I'm such a rube that situations in life never bring to my mind passages from the classics or great works of literature, but only lame box office hits. It could be that the movie had a natural connection to the situation I found myself in. But all that doesn't matter so much because what matters, is what was on my mind. And what was on my mind, was the scene from Titanic where Caledon Hockley treats Jack to dinner as a token of appreciation for helping Rose. Recall, Rose was distraught over the pointlessness of her situation with Cal, her fiancee, and despondent, sought to fling herself off the deck of the Titanic. Fortunately, Jack was there to save her.

The screenplay describes Caledon:

CALEDON HOCKLEY, the 30 year old heir to the elder Hockley's fortune. "Cal" is
handsome, arrogant and rich beyond meaning.

During the dinner, Cal and his friends are having a good chuckle over the culturally retarded Jack Dawson. He seems to not know basic things about proper dining and etiquette, and that to Cal and his rich friends, is very funny. The most important part of the dinner scene is at the very end. It's the most important, because that's the part that would have for sure been my mind. From the screenplay:

83 TIME TRANSITION: Dessert has been served and a waiter arrives with cigars
in a humidor on a wheeled cart. The men start clipping ends and lighting.

ROSE

(low, to Jack)

Next it'll be brandies in the Smoking Room.

GRACIE

(rising)

Well, join me for a brandy, gentlemen?

ROSE

(low)

Now they retreat into a cloud of smoke and congratulate each other on being
masters of the universe.

GRACIE

Joining us, Dawson? You don't want to stay out here with the women, do you?

Actually he does, but...

JACK

No thanks. I'm heading back.

CAL

Probably best. It'll be all business and politics, that sort of thing.
Wouldn't interest you. Good of you to come.

Cal and the other gentlemen exit.

Draw your attention to the last line by Cal, as it will be important later. That is, it would have been important later, if I did it. If I had lied about my presentation at the SMPT conference, 2009.

[_Doctor Scratch]

Ah, yes, I think I see what you mean, Dean Robbers. If you had "done it" (i.e., lied about your presentation) then it would have meant that you were treating the "plebs" with an enormous amount of condescension and disdain. But, since your presentations was legit, you have not condescended to anyone. I don't know that the same can be said for the boastful apologists, however.

[_Gadianton]

lol. Well, Doctor, the book will gradually weave itself together, and this post will begin to make a great deal more sense.

And remember, no matter how "dumb" anyone says my book is or how uninteresting, I know the truth is they are all on pins and needles. The suspense is killing them. This is evident by the interaction I've had over the last many months.