A Question of Scruples: Mopologetic Edition

[_Doctor Scratch]

The 4th of July is a time for relaxing, for waxing patriotic, and for pleasant afternoon barbecues with the family. It's also a time for fun and games, and with that in mind, I thought it would be enjoyable to engage in a spritely, online, Mopologetic version of the classic board game, "A Question of Scruples." For those who need a refresher course, check this out:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Scruples_(game)

A slight revision needs to be made, though. Whereas the original game allowed players to select "Yes," "No," and "Depends," our Mopologetic Edition will swap out "Depends" for "Equivocate/Dodge." Ready? Let's play!

1. You are an Egyptologist and apologist who has been struggling to explain inconsistencies in the Book of Abraham. You have seen all the evidence there is to see, and you still cannot find a way to support the old explanation for the Book of Abraham's coming in to being. The critics are getting more and more aggressive in their attacks, and the latest round has begun to seriously challenge your expertise. Do you file a lawsuit?


2. You have spent many years trying to convince TBMs that anti-Mormon ministries are extremely well-funded, and that Church critics like the Tanners, Ed Decker, and James White are all in it strictly for the money. However, in the late 1990s, over 20,000 dollars of your salary were diverted over to FARMS so that you could direct apologetics. When you are asked if you've been paid to do apologetics, do you tell the truth?

3. After reading the Recovery from Mormonism messageboard for a couple of hours, you are seething with Biblical rage, and you lash out, typing up a long message in which you compare ex-Mormons to anti-semites, in the midst of which you repeatedly use a vile ethnic slur. Do you later apologize and express regret?

4. An anti-Mormon organization has somehow procured a letter from the First Presidency's secretary which seems to state rather authoritatively that the Hill Cumorah is located in New York. This runs contrary to Mopologetic research, and it would represent a major blow against hours and hours of work that has been done. You know that you could type up a forged "clarifying," follow-up letter, publish the contents, and then claim that the letter was "lost" in your messy office--all without any real consequences for yourself. Do you go through with the forgery?

5. You are a female apologist, posting on the MADboard. In the course of a ruminative thread, you muse that it would be wonderful to have female-only wards. Since there would be no male priesthood holders attending, women would have to pass the sacrament. You speak publicly about all of this, and are genuinely in support of it, when the male posters begin to berate you ferociously and to label you a burgeoning apostate. Do you perform and about-face and beg for forgiveness?

6. A Mormon scholar was excommunicated, and it is widely believed that the major reason behind his excommunication was the Brethren's disapproval of his historical writings, which didn't always portray the Church in the best possible light. It turns out that, within your circle of friends, someone happened to know this ex'ed scholar's then-Stake President, and you learn a tidbit about the scholar's sex life. Though you cannot confirm whether or not this "tidbit" had anything to do with the excommunication, you know that sharing the tidbit might help to persuade TBMs that it was sexual sin, rather than embarrassing historical writings, that led to the excommunication. Do you share the gossip publicly?

7. You are an up-and-coming young Mopologist. You are desperate to be treated as an equal, but you don't have a Ph.D. from an Ivy League university, and in fact, you do not even have a bachelor's degree. While attending a conference, you bump into a renowned Mormon scholar, and you manage to talk her into sharing a cab to the airport. Later, you plan to write up a blog entry describing your interaction with the scholar. Do you embellish the account so as to exaggerate your importance?

8. You and your dear friend have been reading the Recovery from Mormonism messageboard, and you are angered over the unrelenting attacks on the Church. You register an account under you own names and begin offering up spirited defenses of the Brethren, and eventually, yourselves. SusanI/S bans you from the board and tells you that you're not welcome, as the board is meant for people who are "in recovery." Using a proxy server, you sneak back onto the board by way of a sockpuppet, and continue your spirited defense of the faith. You are thrown off yet again, this time with a stern warning. Do you sneak back onto the board one more time?

9. You are an apologist and you own a Mopologetic website. On the site, you post information about critics, including private emails. It turns out that some of this material has led to a critic losing out on job opportunities, which you learn about after the critic repeated emails you with entreaties to remove the postings. You know that leaving the material up on your website will continue to have a deleterious effect on this critic's life. Do you leave it up?

10. You are reading some anti-Mormon materials and discover one book which is a huge, embarrassing laff-fest. It is riddled with typos and inaccuracies. The author obviously has a very poor understanding of Mormonism, and, in fact, comes off as a complete and utter dolt. Simply passing the book around to people would show how foolish anti-Mormons can be. Do you nonetheless go the extra mile and compose a 10,000 word essay meant to further embarrass, ridicule, and humiliate the author?

11. You recently attended a conference in which a still-LDS scholar gave a talk which serious undermines the Mopologetic effort. You tell a story on a messageboard that portrays the scholar in a negative light, and when your account is challenged, you claim to have a transcript of the talk in your possession. It turns out that no such transcript exists, and that you've been caught in a bald-faced lie. Do you admit your dishonesty and ask for forgiveness?

12. You are a budding young apologist, and you plan on presenting a paper at an upcoming conference. You notice that an anonymous critic is claiming that he, too, plans to present a scathing critique of Mopologetics at this same conference. You are skeptical, and think he might be bluffing, but you know it would look bad if you called him a liar in public. Do you hound him via PM, "inviting" him to lunch, all in the hopes of breaking him?

13. You are a Mopologist and you have been reading the Recovery from Mormonism messageboard. You see that the anti-Mormons there are planning to buy up a Web domain so that they can organize efforts to support a key critic of the Church. In seeing this, you realize that you can undermine their efforts by cybersquatting on the domain. Do you proceed?

14. You are a high-ranking Mopologist, but you never finished your dissertation, and thus you don't have a Ph.D. You have been quite productive, though, and you realize that if you add up all your writings---including fluff like SHIELDS spoofs and scripture quizes---you can list nearly 300 articles on your CV. Do you proceed with the resume padding?

15. You are a "filmmaker," and you plan on doing a documentary about people who leave the LDS Church. Secretly, you despise apostates, but you know that you'll need to play nice in order to procure enough subjects for the movie. Thus, in emails to a key critic, you use your in real life name, but on the MAD board, you engage in a full-frontal assault on this same critic using a pseudonym. Later, you two-facedness is revealed to everyone. Do you apologize to the critic.

16. You are the mentor to a young, up-and-coming Mopologist who is about to receive his doctorate from a prestigious institution. There is a snag, though: the young Mopologist's dissertation contained bits of material that were clearly meant to be apologetic in nature, and seeing this, the Chair of the Dissertation Committee resigns in protest. This looks very bad for the young apologist, and makes it seems as if he is more interested in defending the Church than in doing good scholarship. In order to rescue this crucial young apologist's reputation, you need to do something. Do you hint darkly about the Dissertation Committee Chair's ethics?

* * * * * * * * * * * * *

Okay.... That's round one. There may be more to come. Happy 4th of July!

[_Gadianton]

Wow! You know, the best thing about this game is it's something the whole family can play. I'm glad that you took the weekend off Doctor, and didn't insist on putting in in extra hours over the holiday on your own dime. Ok, I read the rules, so I'm going to answer the question how I would respond, and then go ahead and give yourself points if you predicted my response.

3. no
4. no
5. no
6. no
7. no
8. no. Note that a "yes" answer to this one would especially be disturbing from an apologist that has oft defended the story of Nephi obtaining the plates from Laban.
9. no
10. no
11. no
12. no
13. no
14. no
15. no
16. no

[_Doctor Scratch]

Dr. Robbers---I was quite surprised at a few of your answers. Also, just out of curiosity: I was wondering why you omitted answers for the 1st two questions....?

[_Gazelam]

1) No

2) Yes

3) Yes

4) No

5) Yes

6) No

7) No

8) Yes

9) Yes

10) Yes

11) Yes

12) No

13) Yes

14) No

15) Yes

16) No

[_Yoda]

Fun! My answers will be in blue.

The 4th of July is a time for relaxing, for waxing patriotic, and for pleasant afternoon barbecues with the family. It's also a time for fun and games, and with that in mind, I thought it would be enjoyable to engage in a spritely, online, Mopologetic version of the classic board game, "A Question of Scruples." For those who need a refresher course, check this out:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Scruples_(game)

A slight revision needs to be made, though. Whereas the original game allowed players to select "Yes," "No," and "Depends," our Mopologetic Edition will swap out "Depends" for "Equivocate/Dodge." Ready? Let's play!

1. You are an Egyptologist and apologist who has been struggling to explain inconsistencies in the Book of Abraham. You have seen all the evidence there is to see, and you still cannot find a way to support the old explanation for the Book of Abraham's coming in to being. The critics are getting more and more aggressive in their attacks, and the latest round has begun to seriously challenge your expertise. Do you file a lawsuit? No.


2. You have spent many years trying to convince TBMs that anti-Mormon ministries are extremely well-funded, and that Church critics like the Tanners, Ed Decker, and James White are all in it strictly for the money. However, in the late 1990s, over 20,000 dollars of your salary were diverted over to FARMS so that you could direct apologetics. When you are asked if you've been paid to do apologetics, do you tell the truth?Yes.

3. After reading the Recovery from Mormonism messageboard for a couple of hours, you are seething with Biblical rage, and you lash out, typing up a long message in which you compare ex-Mormons to anti-semites, in the midst of which you repeatedly use a vile ethnic slur. Do you later apologize and express regret?Yes

4. An anti-Mormon organization has somehow procured a letter from the First Presidency's secretary which seems to state rather authoritatively that the Hill Cumorah is located in New York. This runs contrary to Mopologetic research, and it would represent a major blow against hours and hours of work that has been done. You know that you could type up a forged "clarifying," follow-up letter, publish the contents, and then claim that the letter was "lost" in your messy office--all without any real consequences for yourself. Do you go through with the forgery?No.

5. You are a female apologist, posting on the MADboard. In the course of a ruminative thread, you muse that it would be wonderful to have female-only wards. Since there would be no male priesthood holders attending, women would have to pass the sacrament. You speak publicly about all of this, and are genuinely in support of it, when the male posters begin to berate you ferociously and to label you a burgeoning apostate. Do you perform and about-face and beg for forgiveness?No.

6. A Mormon scholar was excommunicated, and it is widely believed that the major reason behind his excommunication was the Brethren's disapproval of his historical writings, which didn't always portray the Church in the best possible light. It turns out that, within your circle of friends, someone happened to know this ex'ed scholar's then-Stake President, and you learn a tidbit about the scholar's sex life. Though you cannot confirm whether or not this "tidbit" had anything to do with the excommunication, you know that sharing the tidbit might help to persuade TBMs that it was sexual sin, rather than embarrassing historical writings, that led to the excommunication. Do you share the gossip publicly?No

7. You are an up-and-coming young Mopologist. You are desperate to be treated as an equal, but you don't have a Ph.D. from an Ivy League university, and in fact, you do not even have a bachelor's degree. While attending a conference, you bump into a renowned Mormon scholar, and you manage to talk her into sharing a cab to the airport. Later, you plan to write up a blog entry describing your interaction with the scholar. Do you embellish the account so as to exaggerate your importance?No

8. You and your dear friend have been reading the Recovery from Mormonism messageboard, and you are angered over the unrelenting attacks on the Church. You register an account under you own names and begin offering up spirited defenses of the Brethren, and eventually, yourselves. SusanI/S bans you from the board and tells you that you're not welcome, as the board is meant for people who are "in recovery." Using a proxy server, you sneak back onto the board by way of a sockpuppet, and continue your spirited defense of the faith. You are thrown off yet again, this time with a stern warning. Do you sneak back onto the board one more time?No

9. You are an apologist and you own a Mopologetic website. On the site, you post information about critics, including private emails. It turns out that some of this material has led to a critic losing out on job opportunities, which you learn about after the critic repeated emails you with entreaties to remove the postings. You know that leaving the material up on your website will continue to have a deleterious effect on this critic's life. Do you leave it up?No

10. You are reading some anti-Mormon materials and discover one book which is a huge, embarrassing laff-fest. It is riddled with typos and inaccuracies. The author obviously has a very poor understanding of Mormonism, and, in fact, comes off as a complete and utter dolt. Simply passing the book around to people would show how foolish anti-Mormons can be. Do you nonetheless go the extra mile and compose a 10,000 word essay meant to further embarrass, ridicule, and humiliate the author?No

11. You recently attended a conference in which a still-LDS scholar gave a talk which serious undermines the Mopologetic effort. You tell a story on a messageboard that portrays the scholar in a negative light, and when your account is challenged, you claim to have a transcript of the talk in your possession. It turns out that no such transcript exists, and that you've been caught in a bald-faced lie. Do you admit your dishonesty and ask for forgiveness?Yes

12. You are a budding young apologist, and you plan on presenting a paper at an upcoming conference. You notice that an anonymous critic is claiming that he, too, plans to present a scathing critique of Mopologetics at this same conference. You are skeptical, and think he might be bluffing, but you know it would look bad if you called him a liar in public. Do you hound him via PM, "inviting" him to lunch, all in the hopes of breaking him?No

13. You are a Mopologist and you have been reading the Recovery from Mormonism messageboard. You see that the anti-Mormons there are planning to buy up a Web domain so that they can organize efforts to support a key critic of the Church. In seeing this, you realize that you can undermine their efforts by cybersquatting on the domain. Do you proceed?Yes

14. You are a high-ranking Mopologist, but you never finished your dissertation, and thus you don't have a Ph.D. You have been quite productive, though, and you realize that if you add up all your writings---including fluff like SHIELDS spoofs and scripture quizes---you can list nearly 300 articles on your CV. Do you proceed with the resume padding?Yes

15. You are a "filmmaker," and you plan on doing a documentary about people who leave the LDS Church. Secretly, you despise apostates, but you know that you'll need to play nice in order to procure enough subjects for the movie. Thus, in emails to a key critic, you use your in real life name, but on the MAD board, you engage in a full-frontal assault on this same critic using a pseudonym. Later, you two-facedness is revealed to everyone. Do you apologize to the critic.Yes

16. You are the mentor to a young, up-and-coming Mopologist who is about to receive his doctorate from a prestigious institution. There is a snag, though: the young Mopologist's dissertation contained bits of material that were clearly meant to be apologetic in nature, and seeing this, the Chair of the Dissertation Committee resigns in protest. This looks very bad for the young apologist, and makes it seems as if he is more interested in defending the Church than in doing good scholarship. In order to rescue this crucial young apologist's reputation, you need to do something. Do you hint darkly about the Dissertation Committee Chair's ethics?Yes

* * * * * * * * * * * * *

Okay.... That's round one. There may be more to come. Happy 4th of July!

Happy4thof July!!!

[_Gadianton]

Huh, well, it's possible that I'm mistaken on how to properly play the game. It's a new one for me. I thought the objective was to answer the questions using my own moral compas, as if I were in the situation. In which case I certainly wouldn't do any of these terrible, immoral things.

[_Doctor Scratch]

Okay, here's Part II.

17. You have been involved in a heated email exchange with an anti-Mormon critic, whom you've also met a few times in real life. One winter night, after a brief verbal spat at the Olivewood Bookstore, you notice this same anti-Mormon critic walking home in the snow. Do you pull over an offer him a ride?

18. You are the editor of a Mopologetic journal. Critics have been harping on the peer review process you employ, claiming that it's "rigged." While it's true to 100% of your peer reviewers have been supportive Latter-day Saints, you still feel that the process itself is no different that it is in wider academia. Do you begin using non-LDS peer reviewers, in order to make things more equitable?

19. You are a Mopologist researcher, going over historical items deep withing the Church's archives. You come across a letter which explicitly links Brigham Young to the Mountain Meadows Massacre, and demonstrates that BY gave the orders. Do you smuggle the letter out and burn it?

20. You are the editor of a prominent Mopologetic journal, and your dear friend has just submitted a long essay which really sinks its teeth into an important and bothersome critic. Buried within your friend's article is a vulgar, sophomoric joke. You think the joke is funny, but you also know that, if discovered, it will seriously undermine the credibility of your journal. On the other hand, you know that it took your friend literally tens of hours to weave the joke into his paragraphs. Do you go ahead and publish the article as is?

21. You are an up-and-coming young apologist, and you have decided to cut your teeth by posting on a generally hostile messageboard. During the course of your posting, you are called many names, and you find yourself struggling to make good points even within substantive threads. Increasingly, you feel checkmated, and when you at last vent a little steam and call someone an ugly name, you are accused of having lost your temper. Do you admit that you were angry?

22. It is the late 1990s, and you and some of the other BYU apologists are eager to accept new positions in the soon-to-be-dubbed Maxwell Institute. As a part of the formality of the event, one of the apostles gathers you together and lays his hands on your heads and gives you each a blessing. In it, he urges you to be strong in your duties, and to serve the Lord courageously. Later, on a messageboard, you are accused of having been blessed and/or "set apart" as an apologist. Do you deny it?

23. You and the other apologists are at war with a hostile, increasingly anti-Mormon publishing company. One day a memo from one of the apostles appears on your desk. The memo states that the BYU bookstore will no longer carry titles from this company, and that you and the other apologists are to wage a full-frontal assault on the publisher. Do you ignore the memo?

24. You are the bishop of a ward of mostly young adults. One of them---a very attractive young lady---approaches you and says that she has a problem of a sexual nature. Although you know it's inappropriate, you want desperately to know all the little details. Do you ask her about coitus interruptus?

25. You have just submitted an essay to the FARMS Review, and the editor has mailed back to you the peer reviewers' comments. While they are both generally praiseworthy of your effort, both of them seem to feel that you went too easy on the author of the book under review, and, in a cover letter, the editor asked you directly to include some "character assassination" and ad hominem attack. He even supplies you with some handy gossip about some problems the author had with his publisher. Do you comply and utilize the smear tactics?

[_harmony]

You forgot one, Scratch.

[_Daniel Peterson]

It's his fictional world, harmony. Let him tell his tale.

Write your own novel.

[_Doctor Scratch]

You forgot one, Scratch.

Oh! Well, I'm glad for everyone to play along. Please feel free to post your own "Scruple," Harmony.