Oh for shame, how the mortals put the blame on us gods, for they say evils come from us, but it is they, rather, who by their own recklessness win sorrow beyond what is given... Zeus (1178 BC)
why me wrote:Now zee you need to be honest with us. This is your situation.
I'm glad you think so but I assure you it is not. Oh well.
Oh for shame, how the mortals put the blame on us gods, for they say evils come from us, but it is they, rather, who by their own recklessness win sorrow beyond what is given... Zeus (1178 BC)
My answer to your question is "yes." Yes, it is healthy for a TBM spouse to "drop it" or "let it go."
In the scenario you describe, my strong inclination is that the wife is being sincere. I really don't think there's anything ulterior to be read into it. She's just tired of discussing it and wants to change the subject. That's it.
I say the husband should comply without worrying too much. They should just quit talking about it for a while and do some fun things together. See a movie. Go miniature golfing. Bring her flowers. Buy her chocolate. Stuff like that.
Wow, it is not often that I'm graced by the board founder himself. Cool.
Yeah I see what you are saying. One problem: actions and duties in the church. For some people, it becomes difficult to keep doing all the duties (like going to the mason mansions) when you consider it all a joke. If DH stops going it could deeply offend the TBM wife and so guess what? Talking becomes necessary.
Look, I'm all for being positive and loving and upbeat as the next guy. I'm just thinking it might be pretty hard to stay silent when the spouse is TBM.
Oh for shame, how the mortals put the blame on us gods, for they say evils come from us, but it is they, rather, who by their own recklessness win sorrow beyond what is given... Zeus (1178 BC)
zeezrom wrote:I'm curious what you think about this. Let's say there is a Mormon married couple and the husband no longer believes in the church due to information he read online and in books, etc. The couple spends hours and hours discussing the issue and each take a stand on either side. my wife feels threatened/attacked and DH feels misunderstood. Finally, my wife tells DH "I've decided to let this all go and stop worrying about it. Emotionally, I can't afford to spend more effort on it because my life is already stressful enough. Let's just talk about other things, shall we?"
I can see how it might be healthy to lighten up the mood and think happy thoughts and just enjoy the moment. That is always a good thing for the moment. But on the other hand, I can also see this turning out to be a bad thing. Now DH is locked into a corner where he cannot express his deepest thoughts/fears/feelings about something that is pressing on his mind. Maybe DH will start to feel isolated.
Might my wife's decision to "drop it" or "let it go" actually be a maneuver to control the situation? By avoiding the issue, they have become silent on the subject which means the DH might be required to continue forward with the actions they've been used to, such as going to the temple, paying tithing, etc. If he were to contest any of those things, he would breach into the bubble my wife created by trying to let it all go.
Thoughts?
Thanks,
Zee.
Zee
I recommend you listen to this
Navigating a Marriage When One Loses Their LDS Testimony:
Yahoo Bot wrote:What do my wife and DH mean? Divorced Wife and Divorced Husband?
I'd say, whatever you do, don't be a damned hyprocrite. That's the worst thing to do. Act consistently with your beliefs. Grow a pair.
What great advice from a former bishop. Too bad the Church fosters a culture where one at times must be hypocritical cue to the high cost of not so being.
bcspace wrote: Sounds like a good strategy, but in case of paranoia, there are no strategies listed for just such an occaision. While for the DH, removing his name from the role and possibly divorce is the appropriate option, my wife might correctly feel that she can continue to positively influence the children against DH's apostasy by sticking it out with DH at least until the kids leave the home. Have I increased your self-doubt and fear zeez?
Wonderful example of the way many LDS become and of the Monolithic Church coming between a husband and a wife.
Yea now I am sure BC will point me to the a man's foes are of his own household passage.
On the other hand Paul says a believing spouse should stay with the non believing spouse.
Yahoo Bot wrote:What do my wife and DH mean? Divorced Wife and Divorced Husband?
I'd say, whatever you do, don't be a damned hyprocrite. That's the worst thing to do. Act consistently with your beliefs. Grow a pair.
What great advice from a former bishop. Too bad the Church fosters a culture where one at times must be hypocritical cue to the high cost of not so being.
This is no different than any other religion. Husband marries wife and both are faithful in religion, one drops out and the other gets desparate. That isn't unique to Mormonism and it is a canard to bust its chops for that.
"Fostering a culture." Boy, you've fallen far.
Simply, act according to your beliefs. Don't be deceptive about your beliefs. Simple rule of conduct. Those who are deceptive are going to be assigned to an eternal hell of burning and torment.
On the other hand Paul says a believing spouse should stay with the non believing spouse.
Exactly where does Paul counsel a non-believer to fake his belief for the sake of the marriage?
Last edited by Guest on Thu Sep 30, 2010 6:41 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Yahoo Bot wrote:Simply, act according to your beliefs. Don't be deceptive about your beliefs. Simple rule of conduct. Those who are deceptive are going to be assigned to an eternal hell of burning and torment.
Where does The Prophet Joseph Smith Jr. fit in this scenario?
The reason I bring this question up is due to his conduct in and around the publication of the polygamy scandal.
I also think about his references to know how to translate Egyptian in light of the Facsimiles.
Not trying to dredge up issues for lively debate. I'm sincerely curious how people might actually think Joseph Smith was not trying to be deceptive.
Oh for shame, how the mortals put the blame on us gods, for they say evils come from us, but it is they, rather, who by their own recklessness win sorrow beyond what is given... Zeus (1178 BC)
zeezrom wrote:Where does The Prophet Joseph Smith Jr. fit in this scenario?
The reason I bring this question up is due to his conduct in and around the publication of the polygamy scandal.
I also think about his references to know how to translate Egyptian in light of the Facsimiles.
Not trying to dredge up issues for lively debate. I'm sincerely curious how people might actually think Joseph Smith was not trying to be deceptive.
I have answered your question. If you think that lies, deception and hypocrisies are justified because you think others have done them before you, then you are not likely to be good husband, a reliable employee or a good citizen.
zeezrom wrote:Where does The Prophet Joseph Smith Jr. fit in this scenario?
The reason I bring this question up is due to his conduct in and around the publication of the polygamy scandal.
I also think about his references to know how to translate Egyptian in light of the Facsimiles.
Not trying to dredge up issues for lively debate. I'm sincerely curious how people might actually think Joseph Smith was not trying to be deceptive.
I have answered your question. If you think that lies, deception and hypocrisies are justified because you think others have done them before you, then you are not likely to be good husband, a reliable employee or a good citizen.
And you are thinking I'm justifying lies and deceptions because of what the freakin' liar Joseph Smith (the Prophet of this dispensation, the kingdom of God on the earth) did?! W. T. H., man? Whaaaasuuup?
All the more reason to express to the world how important it is to stay away from that old Joe and his lies. You will be a better citizen, father, husband, employee if you strive to do the opposite of that weirdo.
Nothing against you, Mr. Yahoo. You give me warm fuzzies. Thanks for your inspiring commentary.
Oh for shame, how the mortals put the blame on us gods, for they say evils come from us, but it is they, rather, who by their own recklessness win sorrow beyond what is given... Zeus (1178 BC)