Is it healthy for a TBM spouse to "drop it" or "let it go?"

[_kairos]

For MsJack: Sorry i am absolutely unqualified to do all the parsing and replying as you guys do.

for me i was a nominal rc going into the marriage- we married in a rc church outrside fr. benning where i was stationed after a vietnam tour. since it was not the temple she could have cared less- raising the children LDS was easy, she-stay at home mom and me career hard charging army officer so you "go with the mother's tradition". and i did support her and the children 100%-then in 1986 i had a major conversion experience-brought to Christ through the teaching/preaching of chuck swindoll-totally changed my life and i have been on that mountain top since then. i then started to dig into LDS theology,history, doctrine and all things mormon- i was no longer a bystander and in some ways i was angry at the deception/dishonesty of Moism and how they simply expect obedience ,no questioning of anything etc. i found common ground in the atonement mostly and good works(of course i believed they follow conversion not rungs on a ladder to merit salvation).
so i opened my wife's and children's eyes somewhat and we have great discussions on lots of gospel/spirituality topics.
i will never join the LDS church and my advice to the navy doctor so far is he could probably fake it for a while but what about when kids come(they have been married 2 years)- he will have lots of decisions to make with his wife;and what if he joins another church and does not want to go to LDS services every week or help the kids etc. can be done but difficult. with 2yrs of marriage he is hoping she will choose to follow him and if she does not he may or she may file for divorce.