Best-loved stories of the LDS people (that make you puke)

[_LDSToronto]

Today, I heard the same story related two times - once in my ward and once in priesthood conference. It's my all time most-hated story, and no one seems to see why I absolutely deplore it.

You can find the full story mid-way through this talk by James E. Faust: http://lds.org/general-conference/2001/ ... e?lang=eng

Basically, it's about a teacher who takes over a an unruly class of boys, back when there were one-room school houses. The teacher has the boys make up rules for various infractions, and, when asked the punishment of these infractions, the boys insist on 10 lashes with a rod on the perpetrators back.

Well, one of the boys, Little Jim, steals Big Tom's sandwich, and is caught. The teacher makes Little Jim take off his jacket, and despite Little Jim's bony and emaciated frame, is about to whip him, when Big Tom intercedes and takes the lashes on Little Jim's behalf. The teacher whips Big Tom 5 times before the rod breaks, and of course, the whole class is weeping.

This story is supposed to teach about the atonement. Instead, I hate this story for what appears to be a complete and utter lack of good judgment and mercy on the teacher's part, and the classmates of Little Jim and Big Tom's classmates don't intervene and plead the case for either of the boys. To me, it illustrates a brutal punishment for a minor infraction, a willingness to beat senseless a poor, starving boy because of some misguided ethic, and a willingness to do nothing to remedy this poor boy's state.

What sickens me most is how many are touched by this craziness. I mean, what about applying the *love* of Christ here, and having all the boys run to the defense of Little Jim? What about having the boys all learn a bit about Jim's living circumstances, and offer to never let Jim go hungry again? Or, how about this teacher showing the boys that a violent response is not the answer?

Oh no, most I speak to about this get downright condescending - a rule's a rule, I'm told. They all agreed to live a certain law, and now one of them broke it, I'm chastened.

Oh well. What are some of your most-hated most-beloved stories that you've heard over and over?

H.

[_Joseph]

Girls who go 'too far' as licked cupcakes or chewed pieces of gum or boards with nails driven in them - and with the holes left even after the nails are pulled.(repented does not equal sins wiped away with these scenarios) Seldom do these types of sinful examples say anything about the boys pollinating the young flowers of mormondom.

Then we have the Camels kneeling to pass through the eye of the needle to get trade goods into Jerusalem - a flat out lie.

Joseph Smith and Emma had a good marriage.

Joseph Smith was justified in all he did.

[_Joseph]

Must not forget The Three Nephites and Cain as Bigfoot.

and the old favorite, Bishop Coyle and The Dream Mine.

[_beefcalf]

How 'bout the dirt-poor family that has the choice between buying some necessity, such as shoes or (!) food for their kids, and decide to 'do the right thing' and pay tithing instead, knowing that if they pay their tithing they will be blessed.

These stories are not about new convert families that have only just heard of tithing, they always detail good LDS families who have been members and have known about the blessing of tithing for years and years.

So... one question: If they know that tithing provides blessings, and they've always paid their tithing, WHY ARE THEY IN THE POSITION OF HAVING TO CHOOSE BETWEEN PAYING TITHING AND FEEDING OR CLOTHING THEIR CHILDREN?

What's that thing Buffalo said? Oh, yeah! God works in mysterious, douchey ways.

[_zeezrom]

Maybe the problem is that the story of Christ is also a little this way?

Why Kindness of Christ when you could just stick with kindness?

Why love of Christ when you could just strive for love?

[_LDSToronto]

Maybe the problem is that the story of Christ is also a little this way?

Maybe, but I think the analogy could be drawn without beating children. Hell, I don't even understand why an analogy is necessary...

[_Tchild]

What about having the boys all learn a bit about Jim's living circumstances, and offer to never let Jim go hungry again? Or, how about this teacher showing the boys that a violent response is not the answer?
H.

What about the parent / uncle / friend of the family, of the little boy coming down to the school house and rearranging the teachers teeth with a smash to the mouth?

Next time someone wants to mete out punishment, better be willing to have punishment come straight around (karma).

I like that object lesson better.

My least favorite story was the father who was the train operator. The father takes his innocent little son (deaf I think) to work to show him what he does. The train track gets stuck while his son is out playing on the tracks and the father has to decide to stay in the building to hold the tracks in place to save the train full of people or rush out to save his young son on the tracks who is unaware of the coming train (allegory of God offering his only begotten for the world).

I hate that story. In my version, child services comes and takes all the children away from that father for neglect and then the father sues the train company for millions due to his "pain and suffering".

[_Yoda]

Maybe the problem is that the story of Christ is also a little this way?

Maybe, but I think the analogy could be drawn without beating children. Hell, I don't even understand why an analogy is necessary...

What's really sad is that the story is unoriginal. It was stolen from Mark Twain. Has anyone read "Tom Sawyer" lately? Remember how Tom took Becky's beating by the schoolmaster for her?

[_Polygamy-Porter]

I have several ridiculous stories.

I think the worst one is when they nail some hippie to a cross.

[_sock puppet]

Maybe the problem is that the story of Christ is also a little this way?

Maybe, but I think the analogy could be drawn without beating children. Hell, I don't even understand why an analogy is necessary...

What's really sad is that the story is unoriginal. It was stolen from Mark Twain. Has anyone read "Tom Sawyer" lately? Remember how Tom took Becky's beating by the schoolmaster for her?

You're right. That sneaky Mr Clemens. I'll bet he knew the story belonged to Mormons all along and stole it.

Maybe the whole atonement shtick was just to impress women. It would be a hell of a pick-up line for the young ones, "But if you will, all your sins and those of your family will be forgiven." It would be difficult for a young girl of, say, 14 years to say no. After all, if Jesus is a Mormon and his dad wanted JSJr to have 33 women, imagine how many dear old dad would want Jesus to have.

Now, if I could just think what it was Mr Clemens thought of the Book of Mormon. Damn, I just can't think of it.