Best-loved stories of the LDS people (that make you puke)

[_Polygamy-Porter]

Now, if I could just think what it was Mr Clemens thought of the Book of Mormon. Damn, I just can't think of it.

Many Mormons HATE Twain because of this comment.

All men have heard of the Mormon Bible, but few, except the elect have seen it or at least taken the trouble to read it. I brought away a copy from Salt Lake. The book is a curiosity to me. It is such a pretentious affair and yet so slow, so sleepy, such an insipid mess of inspiration. It is chloroform in print.

http://www.salamandersociety.com/marktwain/

[_GR33N]

I think this is a better one that teaches about the atonement.

Have you read/heard this one?

http://mormonconversations.com/do-you-want-a-donut-a-lesson-on-the-atonement/

[_moksha]

I love this story and it is one of my all time Mormon Christmas favorites:

Carolyn wanted so much to give Roger something nice for Christmas, but they didn’t have much money, and they had to spend every last cent on candy for the baby. She walked down the icy streets and peered into shop windows.

“Roger is so proud of his shinbones. If only I could find some way to get money to buy shinbone polish.” Just then, a sign caught her eye. “Cuticles bought and sold.” Many people had told Carolyn of her beautiful cuticles, and Roger was especially proud of them, but she thought, “This is the way I could buy Roger the shinbone polish!” And she rushed into the store.

Later at home, she waited anxiously as Roger came up the steps of their flat. He opened the door and wobbled over to the fireplace, suspiciously holding one arm behind his back. “Merry Christmas!” they both said, almost simultaneously. Roger spoke. “Hey, Nutsy, I got you a little something for Christmas.” “Me too,” said Carolyn, and they exchanged packages.

Carolyn hurriedly opened her package staring in disbelief. “Cuticle Frames?! But Roger, I sold my cuticles so I could afford to buy you some shinbone polish!”

“Shinbone polish!” said Roger, “I sold my shinbones to buy you the cuticle frames!” Roger wobbled over to her. “Well, I’ll be hog-tied,” said Carolyn.

“You will? Oh, boy!” said Roger. And it turned out to be a great Christmas after all.

From Mormon Comedian Steve Martin's book Cruel Shoes and Garments.

[_Darth J]

I think this is a better one that teaches about the atonement.

Have you read/heard this one?

http://mormonconversations.com/do-you-want-a-donut-a-lesson-on-the-atonement/

It's too bad that James E. Faust didn't have you around to advise him on how to explain the Atonement.

[_Darth J]

Today, I heard the same story related two times - once in my ward and once in priesthood conference. It's my all time most-hated story, and no one seems to see why I absolutely deplore it.

You can find the full story mid-way through this talk by James E. Faust: http://lds.org/general-conference/2001/ ... e?lang=eng

I totally swear that when I read the title of this thread I instantly thought of this story.

By the way, are we talking about best-loved stories that you hear in talks all the time, or stories in general?

I ask because I find Saturday's Warrior to rate high on the emetic scale.

[_Inconceivable]

Oh well. What are some of your most-hated most-beloved stories that you've heard over and over?
H.

One of my most hated is about this kid that goes into a forest to ask God if he can start the Mormon church.

The other one is about when he was really little, he refused the doctor's perscription to numb up with alcohol before a bone operation. Seemed kindof rediculous when you discover that not even the word of wisdom from the Mormon God stopped him from drinking till the day he died in the shootout.

The one about the guy who went "like a lamb to the slaughter" gets old too. He went more like a fox that was gettin his come up'ns.

[_Darth J]

Oh well. What are some of your most-hated most-beloved stories that you've heard over and over?
H.

One of my most hated is about this kid that goes into a forest to ask God if he can start the Mormon church.

I try to reserve LOL for when I actually am made to laugh out loud. Like right now.

[_drdrfor]

After all, if Jesus is a Mormon and his dad wanted JSJr to have 33 women, imagine how many dear old dad would want Jesus to have.

(Picture me, frantically waving my raised hand and arm in the air to get my teacher's attention) I know!!! I Know!!! How many women did dear old dad want Jesus to have????
------- 72 virgins!!!!

[_Pa Pa]

Today, I heard the same story related two times - once in my ward and once in priesthood conference. It's my all time most-hated story, and no one seems to see why I absolutely deplore it.

You can find the full story mid-way through this talk by James E. Faust: http://lds.org/general-conference/2001/ ... e?lang=eng

Basically, it's about a teacher who takes over a an unruly class of boys, back when there were one-room school houses. The teacher has the boys make up rules for various infractions, and, when asked the punishment of these infractions, the boys insist on 10 lashes with a rod on the perpetrators back.

Well, one of the boys, Little Jim, steals Big Tom's sandwich, and is caught. The teacher makes Little Jim take off his jacket, and despite Little Jim's bony and emaciated frame, is about to whip him, when Big Tom intercedes and takes the lashes on Little Jim's behalf. The teacher whips Big Tom 5 times before the rod breaks, and of course, the whole class is weeping.

This story is supposed to teach about the atonement. Instead, I hate this story for what appears to be a complete and utter lack of good judgment and mercy on the teacher's part, and the classmates of Little Jim and Big Tom's classmates don't intervene and plead the case for either of the boys. To me, it illustrates a brutal punishment for a minor infraction, a willingness to beat senseless a poor, starving boy because of some misguided ethic, and a willingness to do nothing to remedy this poor boy's state.

What sickens me most is how many are touched by this craziness. I mean, what about applying the *love* of Christ here, and having all the boys run to the defense of Little Jim? What about having the boys all learn a bit about Jim's living circumstances, and offer to never let Jim go hungry again? Or, how about this teacher showing the boys that a violent response is not the answer?

Oh no, most I speak to about this get downright condescending - a rule's a rule, I'm told. They all agreed to live a certain law, and now one of them broke it, I'm chastened.

Oh well. What are some of your most-hated most-beloved stories that you've heard over and over?

H.

Why are people one person on the other site, and a different person on this site?

[_sock puppet]

Today, I heard the same story related two times - once in my ward and once in priesthood conference. It's my all time most-hated story, and no one seems to see why I absolutely deplore it.

You can find the full story mid-way through this talk by James E. Faust: http://lds.org/general-conference/2001/ ... e?lang=eng

Basically, it's about a teacher who takes over a an unruly class of boys, back when there were one-room school houses. The teacher has the boys make up rules for various infractions, and, when asked the punishment of these infractions, the boys insist on 10 lashes with a rod on the perpetrators back.

Well, one of the boys, Little Jim, steals Big Tom's sandwich, and is caught. The teacher makes Little Jim take off his jacket, and despite Little Jim's bony and emaciated frame, is about to whip him, when Big Tom intercedes and takes the lashes on Little Jim's behalf. The teacher whips Big Tom 5 times before the rod breaks, and of course, the whole class is weeping.

This story is supposed to teach about the atonement. Instead, I hate this story for what appears to be a complete and utter lack of good judgment and mercy on the teacher's part, and the classmates of Little Jim and Big Tom's classmates don't intervene and plead the case for either of the boys. To me, it illustrates a brutal punishment for a minor infraction, a willingness to beat senseless a poor, starving boy because of some misguided ethic, and a willingness to do nothing to remedy this poor boy's state.

What sickens me most is how many are touched by this craziness. I mean, what about applying the *love* of Christ here, and having all the boys run to the defense of Little Jim? What about having the boys all learn a bit about Jim's living circumstances, and offer to never let Jim go hungry again? Or, how about this teacher showing the boys that a violent response is not the answer?

Oh no, most I speak to about this get downright condescending - a rule's a rule, I'm told. They all agreed to live a certain law, and now one of them broke it, I'm chastened.

Oh well. What are some of your most-hated most-beloved stories that you've heard over and over?

H.

Why are people one person on the other site, and a different person on this site?

Yeah, pa pa, how can you be so kind and open at MDD (it's still MAD to me) and here so snide? Does DCP make you eat some Cherios he's pissed in before he'll let you post here?