Simon Belmont wrote:
Yeah, stupid parent's trying to teach their children what they feel is best. It's all their fault, isn't it! My parents told me "an apple a day keeps the doctor away" -- LIES! I ate an apple every single day, yet still caught cold that year.
Ah yes, poor little Simon Appleseed, your life must have been so horrible growing up with your parents foolish indoctrinations! I mean how truly hard it must have been for you having to eat an apple each day! What if one day you didn't feel like having that apple, and wanted an orange instead...oh the tragedy, such confliction! And I'm sure your parents told you that you must find a spouse that had eaten apples everyday too, lest your babies come out with a curse of unwellness and die of some terrible disease...because one of yas didn't eat an apple a day like yas was sposed to! A curse that is demonstrated of course through a dark-tint of the skin, and not white and delightsome like those of the valiant who had in fact eaten their apples everyday!
Oh, Simon, my heart is heavy with sorrow for what you had to endure! Brother, the only reason the apple didn't work for you is that you lacked the faith! Return to the fold, dearest Simon. Trust in the apple god with all your heart and lean not unto thine own understanding, is my solemn prayer for you, Simon.
And maybe we should exchange pictures of our apple shrines sometime, for ye knowest that every apple-eating devotee has one!