Sending the wrong message to children about work

[_zeezrom]

A couple years ago, a friend of mine told me about something he tried in order to motivate his two 10-yr old daughters to go to church. One Sunday morning, when the two girls were being particularly stubborn, he said to them:

"OK, you can stay home today but you will have to do house work with mom while we are away at church."

They agreed to the deal. When my friend came back from church, the two girls explained that they were ready to go to church next week and never complained about it ever again.

Does something seem wrong with this method to you? Funny - it seemed just fine to me at the time but now, it seems like an absolutely horrible idea. Does anyone else out there think this would be a bad idea?

[_Blixa]

A couple years ago, a friend of mine told me about something he tried in order to motivate his two 10-yr old daughters to go to church. One Sunday morning, when the two girls were being particularly stubborn, he said to them:

"OK, you can stay home today but you will have to do house work with mom while we are away at church."

They agreed to the deal. When my friend came back from church, the two girls explained that they were ready to go to church next week and never complained about it ever again.

Does something seem wrong with this method to you? Funny - it seemed just fine to me at the time but now, it seems like an absolutely horrible idea. Does anyone else out there think this would be a bad idea?

I think it sends a problematic message about both church and work: both are drudgery that you are punished with. A creative parent can find ways to engage with the idea of "responsibility" even before a child is developmentally able to grasp it in all its dimensions. Stressing something "good" about each option, or even at last resort providing rewards, is much better in my opinion.

I don't have a problem with church programs for small children of parents who are believers. I just think they should be suited to the needs/abilities of the child. Sunday school classes and Primary functioned quite well that way in my memory. Making children and babies sit through things like Sacrament meeting, though...aieeeeee!!!!

[_Jersey Girl]

I don't have a particular problem with this, zee.

[_LDSToronto]

A couple years ago, a friend of mine told me about something he tried in order to motivate his two 10-yr old daughters to go to church. One Sunday morning, when the two girls were being particularly stubborn, he said to them:

"OK, you can stay home today but you will have to do house work with mom while we are away at church."

They agreed to the deal. When my friend came back from church, the two girls explained that they were ready to go to church next week and never complained about it ever again.

Does something seem wrong with this method to you? Funny - it seemed just fine to me at the time but now, it seems like an absolutely horrible idea. Does anyone else out there think this would be a bad idea?

Hmmmm, well.... I've recently told my kids that they could make their own decisions about church, but those decisions had to be made based on rational argument, not on the gravity field surrounding their mattress. In fact, what may surprise some of you is that I made my younger son (16) go to church yesterday because he had no reason other than, "I just don't feel like it".

That said, I think the best way to deal with this is to be patient enough to dig to the real reason why a child doesn't feel like attending church. In the case of religion, character isn't developed by blind obedience to a principle one doesn't agree with. Character is developed by exploring one's feelings, forming a rationale, and living by that rationale.

H.

[_Buffalo]

I think it sends a problematic message about both church and work: both are drudgery that you are punished with.

True, but I'd rather be saddled with housework.

[_just me]

I did it once. Man, I came home to the cleanest house! It was awesome.

I was like "Hey, if you stay home I need you to clean up the tv room." My deacon jumped at the chance.

[_cinepro]

A couple years ago, a friend of mine told me about something he tried in order to motivate his two 10-yr old daughters to go to church. One Sunday morning, when the two girls were being particularly stubborn, he said to them:

"OK, you can stay home today but you will have to do house work with mom while we are away at church."

They agreed to the deal. When my friend came back from church, the two girls explained that they were ready to go to church next week and never complained about it ever again.

Does something seem wrong with this method to you? Funny - it seemed just fine to me at the time but now, it seems like an absolutely horrible idea. Does anyone else out there think this would be a bad idea?

My son has occasionally been resistant to the idea of going to Church (moreso than the usual "I don't want to go to Church" that most kids feel sometimes, from what I can tell). I've mentioned that in the past.

At the time, he wasn't old enough to be left home alone, so he had to come to Church just because that's where the rest of the family was going and we weren't going to hire a babysitter.

As he gets older, I have dealt with the issue by explaining to him some of the reasons the reasons he needs to go to Church. Apart from any "spiritual benefits" he may or may not be getting, he is an extremely introverted boy. To be frank, he can exhibit selfishness to a degree that it borders on anti-social behavior.

Through Church and Scouts he has been able to become friends with good people that would not have been in his life in any other way that I can see.

So I've explained to him that when the day comes that he decides he doesn't want to go to Church, he needs to find some other group in which he can participate and contribute to the community and meet good people. He isn't going to sit at home and play video games for three hours.

I've already done this with some success with tithing. We don't force him to pay tithing, but he does need to contribute 10% of his income to some charity for the benefit of others. But I've also pointed out all the ways he does benefit from "church" and how those things cost money, and so he can think of how his "tithing" pays to keep the lights on so he can play basketball at the Church. So tithing it is (which, since it's related to his benefit, doesn't help with the selfishness problem, but I'm working on it).

Anyhoo, I'm probably a little more open to the idea of allowing kids to chart their own faith-path in life than the family in the OP, so take it for what it's worth. And every kid is different. But that's what worked for me so far.

[_moksha]

Does something seem wrong with this method to you? Funny - it seemed just fine to me at the time but now, it seems like an absolutely horrible idea. Does anyone else out there think this would be a bad idea?

Wish I could use it when my daughter says, "Daddy, I don't want to go to school today".