Why Do We Bicker?

[_honorentheos]

my opinion - we bicker because at some point in human evolutionary history almost every decision that involved a group could have survival consequences. The results of bickering still play a role in our positioning within our social structures which also influenced how well our genes get passed along. So our brain chemistry gets all reved up when someone holds an opinion about something with which we disagree.

I think the ability to resist the urge to bicker is a product of more advance thinking, perhaps as moksha was suggesting. Which requires a joining of the subconscious primitive mental neural activities that we can't control very well with the higher brain functions that we do control. Basically, it's a refinement of our thinking and is, in my opinion, one of the important requirement we associate with maturity. Harmony's point about how her role in the family influences her ability to bicker is worth considering.

I think on the net this is why many board participants dislike seeing moderators engaging in the day-to-day dialog. By this, I don't mean partisipating in threads. But more specifically debating points in a discussion. I've known boards where the mods did not post except as a result of moderator need because it had become apparent that participating on the board as a common member meant their position in the social structure was adjustable.

[_Polygamy-Porter]

Bickering with LDS defenders about the truth claims of LDS Inc?

It is fun I guess. Kind of like bickering with an older child who still believes in Santa Claus or the Easter Bunny.

for what it's worth, all of my children knew about Santa before they were the age of eight.

[_beastie]

Thanks for the input. I do agree with many of the points listed here.

I wish I could think of a better word than bicker. That does make it seem trivial and nit-picking. I'm referring to arguments that one enters knowing good and well that there is zero chance of reaching any sort of agreement, compromise, or even understanding with the other party. I used to refer to it as Kabuki Dance on ZLMB. Everyone knows their parts and their seemingly assigned script, and we dutifully take them on. There are no surprises.

When I confronted Pahoran on his calling Dr. W a hypocrite for using a tragedy caused by mental illness to try and score the point when Pahoran had done the same thing on ZLMB, I knew, ahead of time. that there would be no agreement, compromise, or understanding. So why did I bother? Of course there is the impulse not to let him get away with it, but I have zero expectation that he would ever concede by point in a way that would restrain him in the future. Countless other posters, through many years, have tried and failed.

I guess part of it is releasing steam, or allowing oneself to do something one cannot allow in real life. In real life we are often confronted with behavior from others that we find uncomfortable or worse, but usually we just suck it up and look the other way, unless it's the behavior of family or friends. We don't normally give ourselves license to intervene or confront the behavior of others less connected to us, perhaps because we realize the futility. So maybe being able to do so on the internet gives us a release valve for the frustration that inevitably builds over time.

I do think honorentheos' point is well taken. I think there is some evolutionary reward to bickering, to defending one's tribe, one's territory, and that includes mental territory. Human beings crave the feeling of rightness, and it's like some reward center in our brains light up and give us a small pellet of whatever hormone or chemical that gives us a momentary glow. I do think that's what is going on with me. But evolution is not destiny, and the power of our brains is that, sometimes, we have the ability to confront the creator (evolution) and say "eff off". So to speak.

So I guess the question for me is this: does engaging in this sort of Kabuki dancing enhance one's emotional life and ability to deal with real life, or detract from it?

I think this is a real debate even in the psychological community. For example, I think it's been long held that expressing anger is important, and not expressing anger harmful. But the anger has to be contained, as well. So does expressing it diminish the anger over time, or increase it?

[_jon]

We bicker because Mormonism doesn't allow grey.

It's either all right or it's all wrong.

I'm a bit of a liberal. I believe in letting folks live how they want.
You're gay? No problem. You wanna get married? Go right ahead and be happy.

Mormonism isn't like that.
You're gay? Well that's a choice and you'll be damned by God if you act on it.
You wanna get married? Well, we'll see about that...!

We bicker because the Mormon Church does not accept that it, nor any of it's leaders, beliefs or doctrines can possibly be even a tiny bit wrong. And even if they are wrong, ignore it.

We bicker because Mormons (generalization) don't see in common sense, pragmatic, realistic, sensible give and take terms.

No grey...

[_stemelbow]

We bicker because Mormonism doesn't allow grey.

It's either all right or it's all wrong.

What a silly statement; thus, I bicker with you. You're wrong.

[_Doctor CamNC4Me]

Hello Ms. Beastie,

You know the old saying...

Give 'em enough rope, and they'll hange themselves.

Love it.

V/R
Dr. Cameron

[_jon]

We bicker because Mormonism doesn't allow grey.

It's either all right or it's all wrong.

What a silly statement; thus, I bicker with you. You're wrong.

No, you're wrong.

[_stemelbow]

No, you're wrong.

Well....aahhh...I'm pretty sure you're wrong.

[_jon]

No, you're wrong.

Well....aahhh...I'm pretty sure you're wrong.

Ehm...well...I've checked...and I think you'll find...yep...it's you that is in error....

[_Some Schmo]

Often, the conversations I decide to enter are ones where I haven't fully articulated my thoughts on the subject. So by hashing it out, I'm teaching myself something about me.

Of course, I have to care about it enough to do that exercise - some stuff, like issues with the Book of Abraham, I couldn't care less about, mostly because there's nothing to debate. It's so obviously a Joe Smith fabrication, I'm not going to argue about it. There are actually quite a few subjects like that, and the list is growing by the day.

But I never enter a "debate" with the idea that I'm going to convince anyone of anything. That's just foolish.

I suppose there's also something to be said for being able to express yourself uninhibited because it's anonymous communication. I'm pretty blunt and upfront in real life too, so I don't know if that's such a big one for me, but I suppose it plays a role.

And I can't deny that sometimes it's fun to mess with people. I admit it.