Scottie wrote:If God can't be everywhere at once, He did a piss poor job relaying that. The scriptures sure seem to think He can be.
people that wrote the scriptures sure as hell wished he could be.
:)
I think the evidence is quite clear that he just can't do it all. Should we let that worry us?
Oh for shame, how the mortals put the blame on us gods, for they say evils come from us, but it is they, rather, who by their own recklessness win sorrow beyond what is given... Zeus (1178 BC)
- Whenever a poet or preacher, chief or wizard spouts gibberish, the human race spends centuries deciphering the message. - Umberto Eco - To assert that the earth revolves around the sun is as erroneous as to claim that Jesus was not born of a virgin. - Cardinal Bellarmine at the trial of Galilei
Mormonism is true, here is a story that shows God protecting a Mormon, therefore Mormonism is true.
If we assume the story is true I will wager that there are other tales where non Mormons were injured and as a result subsequently saved from a worse fate.
This wasn't a Paul H Dunn special...?
'Church pictures are not always accurate' (The Nehor May 4th 2011)
Morality is doing what is right, regardless of what you are told. Religion is doing what you are told, regardless of what is right.
This reminds me of a story Don Bradley once told me.
He said that in one of his Elders' Quorum meetings, somebody related a story about how a Mormon guy was on a boat in the ocean and fell over the edge. Sharks attacked the poor fellow, but when they fished his body out of the water the only parts that weren't eaten were the parts covered by his temple garments.
In other words, he was missing both arms, both legs, and his head, but everything else was miraculously untouched!
(I busted out laughing, of course. The obvious irony, though lost on the original story teller, was that garments or no garments, the man himself was still very much dead.)
"Finally, for your rather strange idea that miracles are somehow linked to the amount of gay sexual gratification that is taking place would require that primitive Christianity was launched by gay sex, would it not?"
Zadok: I did not have a faith crisis. I discovered that the Church was having a truth crisis. Maksutov: That's the problem with this supernatural stuff, it doesn't really solve anything. It's a placeholder for ignorance.
SGT Rock: Tough deal with that Mormon kid. Had his balls blown off. God. What a raw deal.
CPT Metal: Yes, he's at Walter Reed right now. I heard the doctors are going to attempt the first testicle transplant. Jesus.
Jihadist: Allah hu akbar! *BOOM*
One year later...
Mormon Guy: So, with that I'd like to bear my testimony... I may have lost my balls, a leg, an arm, and half my face but I know God took me out of my unit because I have something special to accomplish on this earth. I'm completely and utterly disabled, haven't found a wife yet, but I know God will bless me like He did by injuring me in order to preserve my life. If I remain faithful I'm sure God will continue to bless me in all my endeavors. Though... Hrm... I really would like my balls back. That's kinda messed up. I mean, why take my balls? I'm sure this is just a test... A trial... And I'll endure. But I gotta tell ya... I really want my balls back. In fact, I kinda wish I had gone the way of CPT Metal and SGT Rock because I can live without an arm and a leg, but man... I don't have any balls. I mean, literally, I don't have any balls. How am I going to have kids? What about special time with my special lady when I actually find a woman who'd marry a guy who has no balls? I mean, dang, my face is all messed up, I'm missing an arm and a leg, and I have no balls. Like. If you were to look at my private place all you'd see is my thing, and no balls. What's so dang important on Earth that I can't have my balls? I mean, does the Mormon tabernacle choir need a soprano? Really? Gegh. Well. Regardless. I know that Joseph Smith was a true prophet of god. He got to keep his balls. I know Thomas S. Monson is a true prophet of god, too. I'm sure he has his balls. I don't know why I don't get to keep my balls, but I'll endure to the end. I will. I will. I say these things in the name of Jesus Christ, amen.
Last edited by Guest on Mon Jul 04, 2011 4:45 pm, edited 1 time in total.
In the face of madness, rationality has no power - Xiao Wang, US historiographer, 2287 AD.
Every record...falsified, every book rewritten...every statue...has been renamed or torn down, every date...altered...the process is continuing...minute by minute. History has stopped. Nothing exists except an endless present in which the Ideology is always right.
Dr. Shades wrote:This reminds me of a story Don Bradley once told me.
He said that in one of his Elders' Quorum meetings, somebody related a story about how a Mormon guy was on a boat in the ocean and fell over the edge. Sharks attacked the poor fellow, but when they fished his body out of the water the only parts that weren't eaten were the parts covered by his temple garments.
In other words, he was missing both arms, both legs, and his head, but everything else was miraculously untouched!
(I busted out laughing, of course. The obvious irony, though lost on the original story teller, was that garments or no garments, the man himself was still very much dead.)
Shades, LDS inc should look at making automobile bras made by beehive clothing. Huge discount on auto insurance if your car is worthy to have one..
'Course they would need to construct a masonic car wash temple for your car to take out its own endowments..
Hey, I think I just came up with a great theme for the next Cars movie...
The running cars doing temple car washes on behalf of the cars in the junkyards.. and doing the genealogical research to get make/model/serial-numbers..
New name: Boaz The most viewed "ignored" poster in Shady Acres® !
honorentheos wrote:This may not be the same story, but there was a similar incident around 2003. The father of the first boy assisted in the finding of the second boy.