LDS Church Proposes Solution to Debt-Ceiling Impasse

[_Runtu]

In a rare move into politics, leaders of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints issued the following statement to help leaders in Washington, DC, to resolve the dispute over raising the United States government's debt ceiling.

Brothers and sisters and fellow citizens,

At this time of crisis and peril in our nation's history, we call on leaders of both parties, President Obama, and Congressional leaders to return to the safety and security of faith in God to preserve the financial solvency of the United States of America.

Over the more than two hundred years of our history, we have seen parties wrangling and feuding over spending priorities, taxes, and budget deficits. Throughout these debates, we have forgotten the promises of a benevolent God, who will see us through hard times, if only we will have faith. Has he not promised:

"Bring ye all the tithes into the storehouse, that there may be meat in mine house, and prove me now herewith, saith the Lord of hosts, if I will not open you the windows of heaven, and pour you out a blessing, that there shall not be room enough to receive it" (Malachi 3:10).

Only when we remember to give back what is rightfully God's will we find that the windows of heaven, even the avenues of prosperity, will be opened unto us.

In a spirit of humility and faith, we call upon leaders of the United States to remember God's covenant and provide, immediately, ten percent of the government's gross revenue to Bishop Robert Gardner of the Washington DC Fifth Ward. Federal records indicate that the total revenue for the US government is equal to $2.174 trillion dollars for 2011, thus Bishop Gardner will be expecting a check in the amount of $217.4 billion.

We solemnly promise that, when the tithing has been received, God will pour out His blessings on the United States, just as He sent rain to the drought-stricken Saints of St. George, Utah, over 100 years ago.

President Heber J. Grant taught us a timeless principle:

"I want to say to you, if you will be honest with the Lord, paying your tithing and keeping His commandments, He will not only bless you with the light and inspiration of His Holy Spirit, but you will be blessed in dollars and cents; you will be enabled to pay your debts, and the Lord will pour out temporal blessings upon you in great abundance.”

More recently, Elder Sheldon F. Child of the Seventy taught, "If you always pay an honest tithing, the Lord will bless you. It will be the best investment you will ever make."

But our national commitment to God should not end with the law of tithing. As President Thomas S. Monson has taught:

"There is another aspect of sound financial management, and it concerns our budgeting and offering to the Lord a fast offering to bless those in need. We must cheerfully and gratefully apply this principle if we want to perfect ourselves.

"I remember as a young bishop getting a call from the hospital late one night to inform me that a widow in my ward had died. I went to the hospital, then obtained the key to her apartment. A note had been left that this was to be the procedure I was to follow. As I entered her humble basement apartment, I turned on the light and went to the little table that was in the small living room. There on the table were two small bottles with a note beneath them. The bottles were filled with coins. This sweet little widow, Kathleen McKee, with no relatives surviving her, had written this note. “Bishop, here is my fast offering. I have been just with the Lord.” I think we simply need ask one another, have we been just with the Lord? Remember the principle of the true fast. Is it not to deal our bread to the hungry, to bring to our own house the poor who are outcast, to clothe the naked, to hide not ourself from our own flesh? An honest fast offering, a generous fast offering, will certainly be an indication to our Heavenly Father that we know and abide this particular law."

Surely our nation is in need, and we encourage our government to cheerfully and gratefully give a generous fast offering. Once again, Bishop Gardner will be happy to take receipt of this free-will offering.

God's promises are certain. At this time of financial need, the best investment the US government can make is to invest in faith through tithing. We promise a great increase of blessings, both spiritual and financial, if our nation begins again to honor its commitments to God.

Sincerely,

The First Presidency

P.S. Donation slips are available outside Bishop Gardner's office. Make sure you remember to bring a pen.

[_hatersinmyward]

lol

[_Morley]

Outstanding, albeit too close to reality for comfort.

[_ludwigm]

Outstanding, albeit too close to reality for comfort.

Was it not real?
Damn... That foreign english language again and again!

[_Spurven Ten Sing]

Outstanding, albeit too close to reality for comfort.

Was it not real?
Damn... That foreign english language again and again!

Testvérek és a többi polgár,

Ebben az időben a válság és a veszély a mi nemzetünk történelme, hívjuk a vezetőket mindkét fél, Obama elnök, és a kongresszusi vezetők, hogy visszatérjen a biztonsága az Istenbe vetett hit megőrzése fizetőképesség az Amerikai Egyesült Államok.

Az elmúlt több mint kétszáz éves történelmünk, láttuk felek huzavona és több mint vérbosszú kiadási prioritások, az adók, és a költségvetési hiány. Ezekben viták, már feledésbe merült az ígéreteket, a jóindulatú Isten, aki lát minket a nehéz időkben, ha csak mi lesz hit. Még azt sem ígérte:

"Hozzátok a tizedet a raktár, hogy legyen ennivaló az én házamban, és próbáljatok meg engem ezzel, azt mondja a Seregek Ura, ha nem nyitja meg az egek csatornáit, és öntsük téged áldást, hogy a nem lesz elég hely az üzenetet fogadni "(Malakiás 3:10).

Csak ha arra gondolunk, hogy adja vissza, ami jogosan Isten akarata azt látjuk, hogy az egek csatornáit, még a sugárutak a jólét, megnyílik nekünk.

Szellemében az alázat és a hit, hívjuk vezetőket az Egyesült Államok, hogy emlékezzen Isten szövetségét, és azonnal, tíz százalékát a kormány bruttó jövedelmének püspök Robert Gardner a Washington DC ötödik Ward. Szövetségi nyilvántartás jelzi, hogy a teljes bevételt az amerikai kormány egyenlő 2174000000000 $ dollárt 2011-re, így a püspök Gardner lesz várnak az ellenőrzés összegben $ 217.400.000.000.

Mi ünnepélyesen ígéretet, hogy ha a tized nem érkezett, Isten kiöntöm Ő áldásait az Egyesült Államokban, csakúgy, mint ő küldte az eső az aszály sújtotta szentek Szent György, Utah, több mint 100 évvel ezelőtt.

Heber J. Grant elnök azt tanította nekünk, időtlen elve:

"Azt akarom mondani neked, ha lesz őszinte az Úrral, a kifizető a tizedet és folyamatosan az Ő parancsolatait, Ő nem csak áldjon meg benneteket a fény és az inspiráció a Szentlélek, de boldog leszel a dollár és cent , akkor képes fizetni az adósságait, és az Úr kitöltöm időbeli áldásait rátok nagy bőség. "

Újabban Elder Sheldon F. Child a Hetvenek tanította: "Ha mindig fizetni becsületes tizedet, az Úr áldjon meg benneteket. Ez lesz a legjobb befektetés, amit valaha tenni."

De a nemzeti elkötelezettség Isten nem ér véget a tized törvényét. Ahogy Thomas S. Monson elnök azt tanította:

"Van egy másik aspektusa a hatékony és eredményes pénzgazdálkodás, és ez vonatkozik a költségvetés, és felajánlotta, hogy az Úr gyors kínál az áldást a rászorulóknak. Meg kell vidáman és hálásan alkalmazzák ezt az elvet, ha azt akarjuk, hogy tökéletes magunkat.

"Emlékszem egy fiatal püspök kapok egy hívást a kórház késő este, hogy tájékoztasson engem, hogy egy özvegy az én osztályon halt meg. Bementem a kórházba, majd megkapta a kulcsot, hogy a lakásába. Megjegyzés hagyták, hogy ez hogy az eljárás voltam követni. Ahogy lépett vele alázatos alagsori lakásban, bekapcsoltam a fényt, és elment a kis táblázatot, ami a kis nappaliban. van az asztalon két kis üveg és egy jegyzet alattuk. Az üveg tele voltak érméket. Ez az édes kis özvegy, Kathleen McKee, nincs túlélő hozzátartozói őt, írta ezt a megjegyzést. "püspök, itt van a gyors kínál. Már csak az Úr." Azt hiszem, egyszerűen kérjen egymást, hogy mi is csak az Úrral? Emlékezz elve az igazi gyors. Hát nem foglalkozni a kenyeret az éhezőknek, hogy a saját házunk a szegényeknek, akiket kitaszítottak, hogy öltöztetni a meztelen, hogy ne rejtsd magunkat a saját test? Egy őszinte gyors kínál, bőséges gyors kínál, minden bizonnyal jelzi, hogy a mi Mennyei Atyánk, hogy tudjuk, és megmaradok az adott törvény. "

Bizonyára a nemzet van szüksége, és mi ösztönzi a kormányt, hogy vidáman és hálásan ad bőkezű böjti felajánlást. Ismét püspök Gardner boldog lesz, hogy kézhezvételét szabad lesz kínálva.

Isten ígéretei biztosak. Ebben az időben a pénzügyi szüksége, a legjobb befektetés az amerikai kormány tehet az, hogy fektessenek be hit tizedet. Ígérjük, nagy növekedést áldás, mind a szellemi és anyagi, ha a nemzet újra kezdődik, hogy tartsa tiszteletben az Istennek.

Üdvözlettel,

Az Első Elnökség

P.S. Adomány kombiné állnak kívül püspök Gardner irodájában. Ne felejtse el, hogy egy tollat.

[_Spurven Ten Sing]

And for fun, back to English:

Siblings and other citizens,

At this time of crisis and danger to our nation's history, called on the leaders of both parties, Obama and congressional leaders to return to the security of faith in God to preserve liquidity in the United States.

For over two hundred years of history, and we saw several parties wrangling for Vendetta spending priorities, taxes, and budget deficits. In these discussions, have forgotten the promises, the benevolent God who sees us in difficult times, if only we will be hit. I do not even promised:

"Bring the tithes to the store to have food in my house, and prove me this, 'says the Lord of hosts, if it does not open the windows of heaven and pour you a blessing that there will be enough room to receive it" ( Malachi 3:10).

Only if we remember to give back what God's will is justified, we see that the windows of heaven, even the avenues to wealth, open to us.

In a spirit of humility and faith, called the leaders of the United States, to remember God's covenant, and immediately, ten percent of gross revenue to the government of Bishop Robert Gardner of Washington, DC Fifth Ward. Federal records indicate that the U.S. government's total revenue is equal to $ 2174000000000 dollars in 2011, so the Bishop will be waiting for Gardner to control the amount of $ 217,400,000,000.

We solemnly promise that if you did not receive the tithe, God will pour out His blessings in the United States, just as he sent the rain to drought-stricken saints, St. George, Utah, more than 100 years ago.

Heber J. President Grant taught us the timeless principles:

"I want to tell you, if you will be honest with the Lord, paying tithes and keep His commandments, He does not just bless you in the light and inspiration of the Holy Spirit, but you will be happy to dollars and cents, you can pay your debts and the Lord will pour out temporal blessings upon you great wealth. "

Recently, Elder Sheldon F. Child of the Seventy, taught: "If you always pay an honest tithing, the Lord bless you. This will be the best investment I ever made."

But a national commitment to God is not the end of the law of tithing. As Thomas S. President Monson taught:

"There is another aspect of sound financial management, and this applies to the budget, and offered to the Lord quickly offered the blessing for the needy. It should be cheerfully and gratefully used this principle, if we want to perfect ourselves.

"I remember getting a call from a young bishop in the hospital late at night to inform me that a widow in my class died. I went to the hospital, and received the keys to his apartment. Note was allowed to it that the procedure was followed. As we entered her humble basement apartment, turned on the light and went to a small table with a small living room. on the table with two small glass with a note below. The glass were filled with coins. This sweet little widow, Kathleen McKee, no survivors her relatives, wrote this note. "bishop, here is a quick offer. Only the Lord. "I think we simply ask each other what is only the Lord? Remember the principles of real fast. Do not deal with the bread to the hungry, to his own house for the poor, who are outcasts, to clothe the naked, that We do not hide your body? An honest quick offers, offers plenty of speed, certainly indicates that our Heavenly Father, to know and abide the law. "

Surely the nation's needs, and we encourage the government to give cheerfully and gratefully the generous fast offering. Again, Bishop Gardner will be happy to be receiving will be offering.

Promises of God are sure. At this time of financial need, the best investment the U.S. government can make is to invest in their faith, tithing. We promise a large increase of blessings, both spiritual and material, if the nation begins again, to respect God.

Sincerely,

The First Presidency

P.S. Donation slips are available outside the office of Bishop Gardner. Do not forget that a pen.

[Guest]

lol.

[_Runtu]

It's happened again: someone has commented on my blog thinking that this was totally serious and "real." I'm always amazed at the ability some people have to believe the totally ridiculous. Maybe it just means that people don't put much past the church.

Still, I don't think any parody I've done will ever make the rounds like the "tab collar" one I wrote a while back.

[_Buffalo]

What's funny is that there were several talks last Conference backtracking on the whole "God will bless you financially if you pay tithing" thing. It sounds like a lot of people were disappointed when God didn't come through on the Brethren's promises. They seem to be all about lowering expectations now.