Shut Your Mouth and Fake It

[_Some Schmo]

Personally, I think religious people should pretend to be atheists to make me more comfortable.

[_Lucretia MacEvil]

Personally, I think religious people should pretend to be atheists to make me more comfortable.

Me too!

[_jon]

I'm currently living the fake it model. I'd rather not, but I've heard too many stories about broken families when one spouse loses their faith. My family comes before my level of psychological discomfort. Especially my child.

No, I don't think it's right. It's only necessary because Mormons are conditioned to be extremely hostile and distrusting of insiders who lose their faith, even though arguably Mormons are very open towards people of other faiths who were never Mormon.

I cannot put it any better than this.

[_Patriarchal gripe]

Personally, I think religious people should pretend to be atheists to make me more comfortable.

Me too!

Damn! Found out my little secret, did you?

Now I must put on a new, fake persona. Perhaps I will pretend to be a Utah Democrat! I love bucking the majority for the sheer social pain it causes!

[_Runtu]

Runtu, that gets me thinking.

We aren't really taught to live an authentic life, let alone how to do it. That makes it even harder. We have been taught all our lives to follow a prescribed path that is supposed to work for everyone.

Yep, and the worst thing about it, in my opinion, is that if you're not happy in that path, it's because you're not doing it right.

[_Buffalo]

I'm currently living the fake it model. I'd rather not, but I've heard too many stories about broken families when one spouse loses their faith. My family comes before my level of psychological discomfort. Especially my child.

No, I don't think it's right. It's only necessary because Mormons are conditioned to be extremely hostile and distrusting of insiders who lose their faith, even though arguably Mormons are very open towards people of other faiths who were never Mormon.

I respectfully disagree. I think we are conditioned to think that Mormons are always extremely hostile and distrusting of insiders who lose their faith, and so we try to slip away quietly and fearfully when we apostize. Frankly, most of the Mormons, my still believing wife and children included, that I have "come out" to, have been friendly and have tried to be understanding. They often bumble in their attempts to "fix" me, but surprisingly it has been a lot less painful than I was conditioned to expect.

Another point is that I have had, what I consider to be, a very healthy, peaceful, and relatively untroubled exit from the faith. Your mileage may vary, of course.

I'm glad it worked out for you, but I think your experience is the exception to the rule.

[_harmony]

The problem for me is not the mask I have to wear. The problem for me is, I love what this church could BE, and I have real problems with what it currently IS. I've shared some of my problems with the church with my family and my local leadership, but I don't think they understand the depth of my pain.

They expect to see me wearing the mask, because that's what I've done for so long. They would not understand if I took the mask off. And they... all of them, but some more than others... are important to me.

They see and love what IS. I wish for something more... and I'm beginning to think I won't live to see that "more". Even if I allowed my wishes to be the biggest part of my life, I doubt there will be "more" in my lifetime, so there is no point in unmasking.

[_Runtu]

I'm glad it worked out for you, but I think your experience is the exception to the rule.

I'm not convinced there is a rule. Certainly, my experience was much worse than I had anticipated, and I know others here have had it as bad or worse than I did. What it depends on, in my opinion, is whether your family and friends can see you as a person, instead of as someone who has rejected the tribe. If the church always comes first for your family and friends, it's probably going to be a very rocky road.

[_stemelbow]

I just want to make sure I'm clear that I am *not* suggesting people go to church to dissent or rile people up.

The Fake It model is that people who stop believing do not tell ANYONE and continue to fake belief for the rest of their life so they do not cause any strife in their marriage or other family relationships.

I'd probably call a family who compels someone to fake it for the sake of their love and relationships and to keep their family in tact bullies. Family is important, but they are important so the individuals can be heard, respected and loved.

[_just me]

Family is important, but they are important so the individuals can be heard, respected and loved.

Exactly! That is an awesome statement. To me it's like, what is the point of keeping your family if it doesn't provide you with a safe place to be you.