The 2011 Sampson Avard Golden Scepter Award

[_Doctor Scratch]

As the Emeritus B.H. Roberts Professor of Mopologetic Studies at Cassius University, I have been blessed with the privilege of announcing this year's Sampson Avard Golden Scepter Award. As readers here doubtless know, this award honors someone--often a TBM--"whose role in the course and/or study of Mopologetics has had an enormous and undeniable impact on the field." There were a number of very worthy contenders for the Golden Scepter this year, but after much deliberation, we have decided to bestow this great honor on a unique individual who provided us with an extraordinary insight into the way that Mopologists operate. In a stunning post on 20 June 2011, our Golden Scepter recipient blessed us with this astonishing revelation:

Once I was told by a member of the Maxwell institute that they occasionally post new information here (this board [i.e., the Mormon Discussions board]) to test its ability to withstand criticism.

With this post, our honoree very helpfully showed us that, indeed, the Mopologists are watching and plotting out their moves based on what happens at MormonDiscussions.com. We have long suspected that the best critics of Mopologetics post right here on this site, and individual at last provided the long-sought-after confirmation.

If you haven't guessed by now, this year's coveted Sampson Avard Golden Scepter Award goes to....

Lamanite!

I hope that everyone will join me in congratulating him. Big UP! to you, Lamanite! We're grateful to you for your contributions to the field.

[_Gadianton]

I so do congratulate The Lamanite. You are the winner, and it is well deserved as few would be willing to admit the extent that this board has influenced apologetic theories.

Consider that right now, there is no research paradigm for the apologists. Only a vacuum.

Is this because unbeknownst to us save for the implications of Lamanite, that the apologists have dipped their toes in the skeptical waters of MDB over the years only to pull back in reflex?

Fear of sticking out the neck knowing the axe of falsification shall fall?

[_Doctor Scratch]

Would someone be so kind as to alert Lamanite to the fact that he has been anointed with this great honor?

[_DrW]

Would someone be so kind as to alert Lamanite to the fact that he has been anointed with this great honor?

Any indication that Lamanite has been notified?

It would be a shame if he were to miss the opportunity to add this singular honor to his resume.

[_Dr. Shades]

Congratulations to Lamanite! Big UP!

[_Kishkumen]

Big UP!

Nice to have our irrelevance affirmed yet again.

[_Darth J]

This is a great honor for Lamanite. Despite getting totally trolled in the past, he is more than deserving of the prestigious award that Doctor Scratch has bestowed upon him.

Big Up!

[_Doctor Scratch]

I wonder if Stemelbow could be persuaded to accept the award on Lamanite's behalf? I'm fairly sure that they know each other in real life.

[_Everybody Wang Chung]

Ladies and gentlemen and distinguished professors of Cassius,

Lamanite has asked me to accept this award on his behalf and read a brief statement he has prepared. Here it goes:



First, I would like to thank Joseph Smith, without whom none of this would be possible. We did it, Joseph! We finally got the Avard Award! Thank you for the award Dr. Scratch, but frankly I did it all for the sex. Just like Joseph.

When I first joined MDD long ago, one of the most respected and widely read members had this to say about me:

Lamanite is a living collage of annoying traits. He’s the poster who should never have come and may he return to whence he came.

There’s more, but it gets kind of mean.

Needless to say, I took a lot of criticism, some of it deserved, some of it excessive, and, to be honest with you, it hurt like you would not believe. But I’m telling you all this for a reason. I’ve had a lot of success. I’ve had a lot of failure. I’ve looked good. I’ve looked bad. I’ve been praised. And I’ve been criticized. But my mistakes have been necessary.

If you’ll indulge me for just a second, I’d like to read a little something a poster said recently:

Somehow, Lamanite has transformed himself into the brightest star in the MDD firmament. His posts are the gold standard, and Lamanite himself is not only the quickest and most inventive wit of MDD, but quite possibly the greatest poster ever.

Ladies and gentlemen, distinguished professors of Cassius, I wrote that this morning. As proof that when all else fails, you always have delusion. Jesus can suck it!