To the women of the board

[_beastie]

This guilt is not necessarily religious induced. Many women feel guilty when they are working because they feel that they should be with their children. What you felt would have been a natural feeling regardless of LDS influence.

http://www.workingmomsagainstguilt.com/

http://workingmoms.about.com/od/todaysw ... kguilt.htm

I wouldn't blame the LDS church for your guilt. You probably would have felt it anyway.

Of course working women feel guilt whether or not their religion happens to foist another big helping down their throats. That's the nature of the beast. Some of it is partly biology, some partly cultural.

But the point is that religion makes things far, far worse by giving mothers the idea that they are inadequate and not only failing their children but failing GOD ALMIGHTY by working outside the home.

In retrospect, I shouldn't have felt any guilt. I had no choice in working. My children's loving grandmother came to our home every day and kept my kids at our home. As a teacher, my hours matched my children's once they went to school. I had no business beating myself up emotionally over this issue, and should have worked, instead, towards maintaining a healthy attitude towards working. But the church, thanks to "To The Mothers in Zion" ensured that I'd feel guilty for years.

Not to mention the foolish teaching that if you pray, God will tell you what to do. I prayed my guts out for years over this, asking God either to help me accept that I had to work, or inspire me to keep enough faith to keep praying my guts out that somehow some miracle would happen enabling me to stay at home with my kids. Every time I felt assured that "yes, it's God's will you stay at home with your kids, keep praying, this is a trial of your faith. You can't give up, the answer could be just around the corner. You must have faith, nothing wavering."

Either God is a malicious devil who delighted in making me agonize over this, or there is no God and it was just my own wishful thinking all along. Guess which gets my vote.

This issue caused me extraordinary, unjustified pain. For God's sake, there is enough pain in this world that we just cannot avoid, any religion that creates unnecessary pain on top of it (see: masturbation, other stupid issues), is not a religion worth having.

[_MsJack]

Times have changed. Have children now benefitted from both parents working? I don't think so. It seems that many kids are screwed up big time. But that is just my opinion.

I benefited greatly when my stay-at-home mother started working and stopped spending evenings drinking too much with the neighbors out of boredom.

Can't speak for others.

[_moksha]

Laundry doesn't require a vagina. Dishes and cooking do not require breasts.

You could have a marvelous career as an idea person for the Inventors Institute of America. Those dishes alone would outsell all commemorative plates at the Franklin Mint.

[_just me]

Laundry doesn't require a vagina. Dishes and cooking do not require breasts.

You could have a marvelous career as an idea person for the Inventors Institute of America. Those dishes alone would outsell all commemorative plates at the Franklin Mint.

Laughing so hard I'm wiping away tears. You are my favorite penguin.

[_just me]

epic post was here

Beautiful post, beastie.

[_just me]

Have any children benefitted from not living in poverty? I mean, really? How beneficial is having your parents earn enough money to feed, clothe and shelter you?
How many kids benefit from having a mother who actually wants to get out of bed in the morning?
How many kids benefit from having a mother who loves her life and her work?
How many kids benefit from having a healthy, happy mother?
How many little girls benefit from learning that she has choices?
How many little girls benefit from learning that motherhood isn't defined by 80 year old white men in SLC?

Women don't have the right to have their own goals or happiness! They don't matter! They have a uterus. And we all know that if you are born with a uterus your goals, hopes and dreams take a backseat to your children and you husband.

Sacrifice the women on the altar of motherhood!!!

[_Yoda]

Anyone who states that the Church's stance on women staying at home was a mere suggestion is being disingenuous. Beastie, Harmony, Blixa and I all grew up during that era. Just Me and Jack are a little younger, but they have still been influenced by this counsel.

Now, I agree that the Church's stance on women working outside the home has softened in recent years, but even in the Proclamation of the Family, it is pretty clear that the preferred role for women according to the Church is in the home.

Another measure of guilt that I think we're missing here is the pressure it puts on the men in the Church as well. In today's economy, especially, it is very difficult to live on a single earning household. My husband felt as guilty as I did when I had to work due to our economic situation. I am grateful I had the education to work in a professional situation, and, since then, gone back to school so that I can teach.

What Mrs. Consig is noticing is that since she grew up, the Church's stance on women working outside the home has softened because there are more women who are doing it. I find this as a positive change. Yet, I do understand Mrs. Consig's feeling of betrayal, in a way.

[_LDSToronto]

My wife has worked since our boys were young, and she's worked pretty much throughout my daughter's life. In addition to working, she has completed her undergrad and is almost finished a masters degree.

My kids and I have not suffered. In fact, we've benefited. My kids understand that both parents contribute equally. We both earn money, we both have chores that we take care of - I do the cooking and cleaning and shopping, my wife pays the bills and does the laundry. The kids also have to help with the physical work around the house.

My kids, especially my daughter, have watched my wife work hard as she's attended school. My girl, at age 11, understands that marriage is her choice, but that education is a requirement. She is already planning to become a doctor.

I contrast this to a friend of mine who has three girls and takes every opportunity to remind them that when they graduate high school, they should make every attempt to find a husband and support him while he attends school.

Women who have chosen to ignore the 'prophetic' counsel to stay home do have a positive impact on their families and their friends.

I say these things in the name of JustMe, amen.

H.

[_Aristotle Smith]

The advice to not work outside of the home is so U.S. centric that it's laughable.

I still remember one of the investigators on my mission who read that pamphlet "A Las Madres en Sion" (I assume it's "To the Mothers in Zion" in English, but I've never seen the English version). In it Ezra Taft Benson gives the some advice to mothers, one of which is to not work outside the home. The investigator was married with four kids. I asked him what he thought of the pamphlet. His thoughts were basically (paraphrasing), "It's a nice pamphlet with some good advice, but that whole not working out of the home thing can't happen, we need to eat."

And that's pretty much the situation for almost every family in a 3rd world country, if you want to eat, you both work. Maybe the children will REALLY feel the spirit while they slowly starve to death, but I doubt it.

[_Yoda]

My kids, especially my daughter, have watched my wife work hard as she's attended school. My girl, at age 11, understands that marriage is her choice, but that education is a requirement. She is already planning to become a doctor

I was working full-time and going to school for my Masters degree when my daughters were 9 and 12. I think it was good for them to see their Mom studying and working, too. Both girls are now in college; the then 12 year old is now 22, and will be graduating next Spring! ;-)