Anybody miss church here?

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_sock puppet
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Re: Anybody miss church here?

Post by _sock puppet »

As an apostate living in a predominantly Mormon community, I miss business that goes to others simply because I am not 'one of the fold'. (But I am asked to do more involved fix-it work from time to time for situations when the client went to a 'good brother' first for the simple stuff. So, whatever.)
_Ten Bear
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Re: Anybody miss church here?

Post by _Ten Bear »

I still go, but since I've stepped out into the light, I'll tell you what I really, really miss. Talking with someone without always being on guard. I miss just shootin' the breeze with no thought about being offensive or getting "outed". Being a non-believer is hard among the believing.

But it isn't any better at work. I'm not in Utah so almost noone is Mormon and they just don't "get" my situation. They can't relate to why I'm so alone.

So just talking with someone is what I miss.
"If False, it is one of the most cunning, wicked, bold, deep-laid impositions ever palmed upon the world, calculated to deceive and ruin millions… " - Orson Pratt on The Book of Mormon
_stemelbow
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Re: Anybody miss church here?

Post by _stemelbow »

Ten Bear wrote:I still go, but since I've stepped out into the light, I'll tell you what I really, really miss. Talking with someone without always being on guard. I miss just shootin' the breeze with no thought about being offensive or getting "outed". Being a non-believer is hard among the believing.

But it isn't any better at work. I'm not in Utah so almost noone is Mormon and they just don't "get" my situation. They can't relate to why I'm so alone.

So just talking with someone is what I miss.


Sounds rough, Ten Bear. I'll pray for ya.

Seriously, I wouldn't know what it'd be like to be in your shoes. Sounds pretty tough and sticky.
Love ya tons,
Stem


I ain't nuttin'. don't get all worked up on account of me.
_sock puppet
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Re: Anybody miss church here?

Post by _sock puppet »

Ten Bear wrote:I still go, but since I've stepped out into the light, I'll tell you what I really, really miss. Talking with someone without always being on guard. I miss just shootin' the breeze with no thought about being offensive or getting "outed". Being a non-believer is hard among the believing.

But it isn't any better at work. I'm not in Utah so almost noone is Mormon and they just don't "get" my situation. They can't relate to why I'm so alone.

So just talking with someone is what I miss.

Do you yet need to talk about Mormonism, as part of your departure?

What's keeping you from just being like the other non-Mo's, and relating with them?
_Ceeboo
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Re: Anybody miss church here?

Post by _Ceeboo »

Neat thread!

I wonder what harm there would be if one chose to continue going to church no matter if their beliefs changed/changing or not? (I do not claim to know the answers, thus the sincere question/wonder)

Although I would not know if this is true or not, I would think that there are many, many people who do just this for a variety of reasons. (In all flavors of churches)

Again, I wonder if there is really any harm in that? (If so, how much harm could there really be?)

I dunno? (Gonna digest this for a while)

Peace,
Ceeboo
_Ten Bear
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Re: Anybody miss church here?

Post by _Ten Bear »

sock puppet wrote:
Ten Bear wrote:I still go, but since I've stepped out into the light, I'll tell you what I really, really miss. Talking with someone without always being on guard. I miss just shootin' the breeze with no thought about being offensive or getting "outed". Being a non-believer is hard among the believing.

But it isn't any better at work. I'm not in Utah so almost noone is Mormon and they just don't "get" my situation. They can't relate to why I'm so alone.

So just talking with someone is what I miss.

Do you yet need to talk about Mormonism, as part of your departure?

What's keeping you from just being like the other non-Mo's, and relating with them?


Sorry. I didn't mean to be all "poor me". I was just trying to address the topic and say I miss having good visits/talks with people who can relate. Non-Mo's don't understand why I can't just walk away (my wife and family are tbm) and they don't understand the recovery that's involved when your belief system changes from Mormonism. Co-workers are all like, "why not just walk away?". But as you all know, it's not that easy.
"If False, it is one of the most cunning, wicked, bold, deep-laid impositions ever palmed upon the world, calculated to deceive and ruin millions… " - Orson Pratt on The Book of Mormon
_Lucretia MacEvil
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Re: Anybody miss church here?

Post by _Lucretia MacEvil »

There is a long, long list of things I enjoyed as a Mormon, but at this point, being out of the church for decades, I don't miss any of it. I've replaced some activities/benefits, or gotten too old to care about others, I guess. At least, there is nothing fun or fulfilling about going to church that wouldn't be more than counteracted by the negative aspects.

My sister, however, who has been out even longer than I, teared up just the other day thinking how she misses the sense of community.

Which makes me wonder, seeing a couple of you mention being oldest and rule-following (me too!), if there is a pattern here.

Re: the example thing. I think that is used as a maniupulative tool by the church. Lessons constantly exhort Mormons to be an example because the world is watching them. Leaders tell individuals that they are examples as a way to keep them in line. And members tell each other that their example is important to them as a way to support their own testimonies ... and they do it sincerely 99% of the time, I believe, not realizing that they are conditioned to do it, but it all becomes nothing but a circle of self-aggrandizement in the end.

So, now, I tell people that I was born to be an example ... a bad example. It's important to have bad examples around, right? (smiley here)
The person who is certain and who claims divine warrant for his certainty belongs now to the infancy of our species. Christopher Hitchens

Faith does not give you the answers, it just stops you asking the questions. Frater
_Drifting
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Re: Anybody miss church here?

Post by _Drifting »

I've thought about this a lot.

When I'm absent from Church I do not miss it.

If I was permenantly absent from Church there isn't a single thing that I would miss about it. Those things I like and appreciate are readily (and sometimes more genuinely) available without Church attendance.

In many respects Church attendance makes me a less genuine, less happy person.

No I wouldn't miss a single thing.
“We look to not only the spiritual but also the temporal, and we believe that a person who is impoverished temporally cannot blossom spiritually.”
Keith McMullin - Counsellor in Presiding Bishopric

"One, two, three...let's go shopping!"
Thomas S Monson - Prophet, Seer, Revelator
_Tchild
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Re: Anybody miss church here?

Post by _Tchild »

I have often wondered why leaving Mormonism has made me so much happier. It is probably because nothing in Mormonism brought me happiness, satisfaction, fulfillment or answers.

I don't miss any aspect of Mormonism, even less the church services. Boring and uninspiring mostly.

When I have popped my head into an LDS service (for a baby blessing, usually), I get a terrible sense of dread and despair, like I have gone back in time to some medieval, superstitious place.

I find it best to keep at least a 100 yard distance from any LDS church house for sanities sake.
_sock puppet
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Re: Anybody miss church here?

Post by _sock puppet »

Ten Bear wrote:I still go, but since I've stepped out into the light, I'll tell you what I really, really miss. Talking with someone without always being on guard. I miss just shootin' the breeze with no thought about being offensive or getting "outed". Being a non-believer is hard among the believing.

But it isn't any better at work. I'm not in Utah so almost noone is Mormon and they just don't "get" my situation. They can't relate to why I'm so alone.

So just talking with someone is what I miss.
sock puppet wrote:Do you yet need to talk about Mormonism, as part of your departure?

What's keeping you from just being like the other non-Mo's, and relating with them?
Ten Bear wrote:Sorry. I didn't mean to be all "poor me". I was just trying to address the topic and say I miss having good visits/talks with people who can relate. Non-Mo's don't understand why I can't just walk away (my wife and family are tbm) and they don't understand the recovery that's involved when your belief system changes from Mormonism. Co-workers are all like, "why not just walk away?". But as you all know, it's not that easy.


No, excuse me, I did not see it as a "poor me" cry by you. I'm just trying to figure it out. I did not know you were married; kind of surprised give the Science of Lust thread posts you made.

Anyway, I had it easy. I was not married when I apostatized. But there were the social and other family member clutches. I started planning activities that would conflict with church participation. Something fun on Sundays for example. Skiing, NFL football watching, fishing (back then I did that), out of town, etc. Also, there was the need to get ready for monday mornings at work. I need to look over some files. Not long, no one asked again--except about once every 6 months.

Might I suggest that you ask some of your co-workers what they might be doing this Sunday. If no plans, have something in mind to invite them to do. You can politely ask your my wife and family to go to, but they'll decline to go to church.
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