Mormon culture pet peeve #387: blubbering in public

[_Buffalo]

Many Latter-day Saints seem to have trained themselves to automatically start blubbering the moment they get near a microphone, from years of F&T meetings and sacrament talks. It's a signifier of spirituality for those in the tribe. Practically from the get go tears start welling up in the corners of eyes. Wet snot, amplified many times by the cheap and shrill chapel sound system, is repeatedly sucked back up into the sinuses. Voices quaver and tremble like Jello with shredded carrots in it in a minivan going down a dirt rode.

I never got that. I NEVER blubbered, either in front of a microphone, nor as a missionary. I retained the quiet, dignified composure as befits one trained in the manly arts of mannishness at all times. It annoys me to listen to it. If you've got real problems that you're crying about, in private, that's one thing. Blubbering for the audience is another.

How about you? Were you a blubberer? Are you one now?

[_Hades]

You've never blubbered? Well you've never felt the spirit. No wonder you have lost your way. Next F&T meeting get up there and go until you blubber. Then you'll have one of those sweet experiences that you can't deny no matter how much crap the church feeds you.

[_Buffalo]

You've never blubbered? Well you've never felt the spirit. No wonder you have lost your way. Next F&T meeting get up there and go until you blubber. Then you'll have one of those sweet experiences that you can't deny no matter how much crap the church feeds you.

Maybe it would help if I stubbed my toe on the way up?

I've never felt the urge to blubber, even at my most TBM-ness.

[_Buffalo]

Come on, blubberers, I know you're out there. Own up to it!

[Guest]

Geez, what do you mean by blubbering? Any and all crying and all levels of shedding a tear? Do you mean just at the pulpit or do breakdowns in the pew or hallway count? Does F&T meetings at Girl's Camp and Youth trips count?

[_Hades]

I wouldn't say I ever blubbered. I did have difficulty speaking at a funeral once, but that just led to a few long pauses as I let the emotion pass.

I have to admit I rarely went up in f&t meeting. All the testimonies sounded the same to me and I never felt like I could add anything that wasn't more of the same.

[_Buffalo]

Geez, what do you mean by blubbering? Any and all crying and all levels of shedding a tear? Do you mean just at the pulpit or do breakdowns in the pew or hallway count? Does F&T meetings at Girl's Camp and Youth trips count?

An excellent example of a professional blubberer is Henry B. Eyring. Just take any conference talk by him as the established pattern of undignified blubbering. Of course, at times it's less blubbering and more sniveling. It's a spectrum of embarrassing and unattractive behavior.

And yes, F&T meetings at Girl's Camp and Youth trips count!

[_Rambo]

I blubbered a few times in public. I think it was a talk before I went on a mission and another one in sacrament were I talked about this funeral I went to.

When people start getting emotional about things they start to cry. I think crying can bring up even more emotions and then they start to blubber. Feeling all these emotions is thought as being the spirit. I know it's not that manly to cry in public but a lot of the men I looked up to were cry babies therefore my natural thought was real men can cry in public.

I might of mentioned this before but there was a guy in my ward that would cry every time he got up. Even to say the prayer at the end of Sunday school he would cry in that. Or if he was giving a comment in Sunday school he would cry. Some of the girls thought he was sooo spiritual. Most of the guys laughed behind his back but I think it got him makeout action sooo it could have been a good idea. I heard he was really two face by being all spiritual and then when he was alone with a girl he would try and get her in his bedroom. Hum… I wonder if he was Derricks roommate? Derrick did your roommate cry to get girls?

[_Buffalo]

I wouldn't say I ever blubbered. I did have difficulty speaking at a funeral once, but that just led to a few long pauses as I let the emotion pass.

I have to admit I rarely went up in f&t meeting. All the testimonies sounded the same to me and I never felt like I could add anything that wasn't more of the same.

A quavering in the voice and a tear in the eye are both dignified and expected at a funeral - that's the one escape clause in all of this. Maybe that's why LDS Sacrament Services are so often compared to funerals - it sounds like the speakers are mourning someone's death.

[_Corpsegrinder]

Proper term for pretending to cry in Church: Faking a Morgasm.