Bi-Weekly Masturbation Thread, here

[_Rambo]

I know other TBM males from varying areas of the country who've not ever been asked this question.

Do you think we are lying?

[Guest]

We lived just across the highway from the neighborhood where Aeroméxico Flight 498 crashed. We watched it tumbling down like a leaf after hitting the Piper just as we were coming out of Church that day.

Damn, I saw it too! Sacrament service was over and my family had exited the big stake center in Cerritos when I heard a pop like a bottle rocket exploding overhead. I looked up to see a puff of white vapor high up in the air, and below that, the fuselage of a DC-9 tumbling end over-over-end on its way down. My brother and I watched it go down somewhere beyond South Street. In the distance off to our right we could see the small plane that had sheared off the DC-9’s tail. It was in a flat spin and seemed to take forever to hit the ground. It was followed by a vast cloud of sparkling, metallic confetti from the sheared-off tail of the DC-9. Bits of airplane skin fell out of the sky for what seemed like forever.

What obsession? I've never been asked about it in an interview, even as a teen or just before, during, or after my mission. I've never asked about it in an interview and no one's ever brought it up in an interview. I've done many many interviews.

That’s strange, because I’ve endured wank interviews from two separate bishops in the Solomint ward in Santa Clarita, one bishop in (if memory serves) the Cerritos third ward, my mission president, and my bishop when I was a student at BYU. My brother underwent at least one wank interview with good ol’ Dr. Broderick in Cerritos. It’s been my experience that all active males in the Church must endure wank interviews.

Maybe the Church changed its wank policy as a result of the Kip Eliasson lawsuit. Wrongful death suits can get pretty expensive…

I'm sure many TBMs who've been asked the question their whole lives have Sudden Onset Masturbation Interview Amnesia Syndrome (SOMIAS) when discussing it with critics on the internet.

I’ve heard it said the pathological mechanism associated with SOMIAS is often triggered by an acute depletion of tithing funds to cover court costs.

[_Drifting]

More proof that Mormonism is bad for you:

Recent scientific studies point to the health risk of male prostate
cancer by those who attempt to be sexually abstinent or have low
ejaculation levels (Giles et al., 2003). Females who avoid masturbation
are at higher risk of sexual dysfunction and poor marital
adjustment. Many are pre-orgasmic, even in marriage. Masturbation
today is recognized as an important developmental step toward
healthy marital functioning and is often prescribed as part
of the treatment for some types of sexual dysfunction (Bockting
& Coleman, 2002; Christensen, 1995; Hurlbert & Whittaker,
1991; LoPiccolo & Lobitz, 1972). The radical reversal of attitude,
disproving the imaginary dangers of masturbation, which
took place in the medical and scientific community in the past
60 or 70 years has yet to be adopted as policy by some in positions
of religious authority, who continue to hold to former cultural beliefs
and traditions. Contemporary Mormon leaders are among those who
have been slow to respond to these modern medical developments.

This appears to be another area that God got wrong.
He informs his Prophets that masturbation is wrong and evil, but in reality it is essential to proper sexual development and is indeed healthy. Makes you wonder who actually made us, perhaps Heavenly Mother took care of all the little details.

[_Equality]

Come to think of it, the only time I've ever been asked about it is on this board by self-obsessed antiMormons.

Pun intended?

[_Buffalo]

This appears to be another area that God got wrong.
He informs his Prophets that masturbation is wrong and evil, but in reality it is essential to proper sexual development and is indeed healthy. Makes you wonder who actually made us, perhaps Heavenly Mother took care of all the little details.

The great thing is the church didn't even adopt the anti-masturbation stance until AFTER it had been discredited scientifically. While everyone thought that masturbation caused insanity, death etc, the church was totally neutral on masturbation. Once the gentiles figured out masturbation is okay, suddenly it became a sin.

[_Brackite]

The Following is from one of the Web Site Pages, From the LDS Apologist Jeff Lindsay:

It's wrong. Stay away from it. It is sexual activity outside of marriage. And quite unlike legitimate sexual activity, it is not a form of expressing love to a spouse or strengthening a relationship with that spouse, but is an activity that is based entirely on self and selfishness. For those that fall into this sin, it can hinder healthy and normal sexual development in marriage, hinder one's self-control and ability to sacrifice for others, and hinder one's spiritual relationship with Heavenly Father.

Many men that become involved with the great evil of pornography also become involved with masturbation, leading to patterns of behavior that are most unhealthy and destructive. The sexual misinformation of pornography can destroy a sexual relationship in marriage, and the additional sin of masturbation and its inward, selfish focus only exacerbates the problem.

Here's a quote from Pres. Spencer W. Kimball in Faith Precedes the Miracle (p. 174):

The early apostles and prophets mention numerous sins that were reprehensible to them. Many of them were sexual sins - adultery, being without natural affection, lustfulness, infidelity, incontinence, filthy communications, impurity, inordinate affection, fornication. They included all sexual relations outside of marriage - petting, sex perversion, masturbation, and preoccupation with sex in one's thoughts and talking. Included are every hidden and secret sin and all unholy and impure thoughts and practices.

For our lives to have the greatest joy possible, we need to be in control of our bodies and yield to the Spirit of God. Conquering all sins of the flesh should be our zealous goal as we strive to follow Christ.

Link: http://www.jefflindsay.com/LDSFAQ/love.shtml



The Scriptures do Not speak out against masturbation.
Why are most LDS Apologists against masturbation???

[_just me]

I feel so bad for incontinent people.

[_moksha]

Only bi-weekly! That's not too often.

Corpsegrinder is doing field research the rest of the time. Bi-weekly threads need to accomodate the schedule of dedicated scholarship.

[_Corpsegrinder]

Corpsegrinder is doing field research the rest of the time. Bi-weekly threads need to accomodate the schedule of dedicated scholarship.

LOLOLOL!!!

Right now I'm busy with one of Brother Joseph's more obscure revelations on the topic of the M-word. It's called the Palma Sutra. (Get it? Palma Sutra as in palm, as in using your palm to...oh never mind.)

[_bcspace]

I know other TBM males from varying areas of the country who've not ever been asked this question.

Do you think we are lying?

Generally yes. Not that you haven't had the experience, but that you are embellishing and adding to the effect in order to implicate the Church in something sinister.